Phobia of cancers =[

[Raynian]

Hi all! Thank you for reading my post.

It all started when i was 14. My grandfather got diagonesed with stage 4 neck cancer. I cant remember the name well. Because I was so upset i started to randomly check my neck too and one day.. I found lumps under my jaw!!!

I remember i was so scared that i literally could not sleep night after night breaking in cold sweat. It was my first encounter. After numerous goggling, I found the description to fit my salivary gland ( thank god )

Just as I thought all was well, I found one lump at the left side of my neck just beside my adam's apple! I was again, having sleepless nights as I knew it could not be my salivary gland.

Somehow or another, I found the description to fit my lymph node. It was enlarged and somehow, it felt very large to me but small to others? My mum brought me to a doctor and he was very kind and explained alot to me. He told me it was nothing to worry about and sometimes, they get enlarged and just stay that way. As long as they dont get bigger its okay. I was so relived! But yet, I could not fully take that explanation. Than i begin finding more lymph node in my neck =[
There is one circular like lump below it and I thought it was cancer for real =[
The doctors checked and it was my lymph node? I thought it was pea shaped. Anyway it was one year already and it always stayed this size.

Then, few months ago.. I felt a small lump behind my skull! It was small but i was literaly scared out of my wits that i have to check it over and over again everynight. Finally fear gave in and I went to my doctor again. He said it was nothing serious as it was too small. He couldnt find it until I gave him the specific location. He say it might be an infection or injury? I dunno.. But it gave me relive =]

I am so scared of it. Especially when my grandfather passed away few months back due to cancer. However as he is not my maternal grandfather thus, I was not in a higher risk of it. But I am scared...


And sad.. RIP grandpa..



Oh and also.. When i run, i feel someone is like bumping up and down inside my head.. Its a very scary feeling.. Can anyone help? =[

[Zsofi]

Hello Raynian,

I am sorry you feel so scared, even though after reading your post I think that you shouldn't be worried at all.
You went to the doctor several times (very well done!) and every time he reassured you that it was nothing serious.
Please believe the diagnosis and be assured if it was something to be worried about, your doctor would have advised you to undergo other tests, X-rays, MRI, and so on.

Trust your doc and don't be scared, you are ok!!

Zsofi

[Raynian]

yupp ^^ after reading your post i feel bette haha!

Actually I do believe him but its just that small tiny feeling in my mind that keeps fighting the faith of my belive. Hahas.. Strange me!

Thank you Zsofi! You were great!

[Zsofi]

Hello Raynian,

I am really glad you feel better!
"That small tiny feeling in our minds" as you said, we all have sometimes and just don't let us relax. With our conscious mind and using rational thinking we KNOW that there's nothing wrong, but when anxiety raises its ugly head than irrational thinking takes over and we panic... That's how it works.

Again, I am very happy for you and whenever you feel worried again, just remind yourself that you have anxiety, but it won't hurt you, ever.

Enjoy your Xmas and if you ever feel you need reassurance again, feel free to post here or PM me anytime.

Take care,

Zsofi

[Raynian]

I also am able to feel 2 to 3 at my neck that i can literally grab with my fingers. It feels small and soft? but if i squeeze it itslike hard? i dunno? or is my defination of hard wrong.

Also I have been having pain in my teeth for a few months. Its not that teeth that is pain but rather feel like nerve that is..

I want to reassure myself.. And yes i do feel okay.. But sometimes at the middle of the night.. I can't stop myself from wild thought =[

[eva82]

My HA is also worse at night...that's when I start to think about death the most and I have worked myself into quite a few full-blown panic attacks that way! I wish I could give you some tips to help you stop thinking all those wild thoughts, but for now all I can do is reassure you that you are not alone. Glad you're starting to feel better!

[Raynian]

I'm glad im not alone.. Its sucha terrifying experience..

Let us believe that nothing will happen.. Usually I think of my future to calm myself down.. Seeing myself with my children in the future and all sorts make me wanna live on.. =]

Life is a journey with different stories.. I wanna live life to the fullest =]

[Angel27]

Hello,

Hugs and sweet anxiety easing dreams to you all. I had a full blown panic attack about oral cancer too lasted all evening. So I thought it would be a spiffing idea if I joined this site. I am in a band and I love my life ...no amount of money or glamour or even chocolate can stop the fear which can grip me out of nowhere sometimess.
No I know I not alone in this....the fear is alreay greatly subsiding. On the other side of the coin I also experience great happiness and find simple things in life completely joyful and the world a wonderous place. I wonder if you guys are like that too?


L.