I am crap at relationships, help please x

[peach]

wow, this thread went crazy!

im not surprised tho, perhaps sex and relationship discussions should be listed along side religion and politics lol...

were all on this website because we all have problems....and we are seeking help/support etc...
male or female and all ages- this should be seen as good, as the advice will be across the board.

as others have said, psychopoet has obviously been burned by women in his life. he hasnt said his views are right, thats why he is on here asking for help with this.....pls reread the title of this post.

my dad has always told me that he thinks all women are out for money and are users (except me of course he would say) haha, no seriously tho, this used to hurt me so so much, until i realised he was so burned in his relationships he has developed this almost defence mechanisim. im not saying he is right, he knows his view is wrong, but i think he wanted to be proven differently. i still love him, he is my dad. i also think that after him watching how i have lived my life, he is changing his ideas- bit by bit.....he now knows that women can be funny, loving and vunerable, just as much as him.....he even told me he loves me this last year!!!!!

now, psychopoet is a different person, but one who has still been hurt badly.

pls dont be mean to him unless you have educational criticism to offer.

im sure he is well aware of how women are treated in 3rd world countries, and its true- sex sells almost everything. i think it destroys everyones idea on who they should be. it makes men think that is what they should have, and it makes women think that is what they need to be in order to have love. these adverts are totally unrealistic...anyway, this is an age old fight that we all know. i read the 'beauty myth' when i was a teen which helped me greatly.
no wonder so many of us are on here with problems...society that we grow up in is so so disfunctional if you ask me. were told we need to be thin, rich, successful, good looking, charasmatic etc and thats just to be accepted...let alone to have a good life....its crazy, how many of us will ever be able to tick more then one of those boxes....dont we all deserve a good life anyway? argh...im going on a bender now hahaha....

love this topic!!!! thanks for bringing it up psychopoet, it is something that concerns all of us to a degree

[nomorepanic]

I will be PM'ing PP anyway but wanted to do a public apology too.

I didn't realise that Poppy had edited her post so much and of course I saw the edited version so felt your comments were unjustified.

So I am saying sorry for getting it wrong.

Please let's not attack PP and start a war on "well he didn't reply to my PM / post" etc.

NMP takes up a lot of my time too and sometimes I take a while to reply to PM's and emails.

I don't expect us all to agree all the time but as a few previous posters have said let's just remember we all have some form of anxiety etc and comments can sometimes hurt us a lot.

[bottleblond]

Poppy

Please don't leave. There is absolutely no need for that.
We all have opinions and say things in the heat of the moment. No one more so that me Lol.

I have read most of this post and and there are so many opinions viewed.
An opinion is a personal thing so no one can claim to be right or wrong. The only difference is the way we portray our views.
So please re-think Poppy because i don't think you should leave because of this.

Lisa
x

[NoPoet]

Hi all, I have been watching the progress of this thread and I am pleased that it has not turned into a free-for-all. I came to this site with serious problems which I don't just intend to bitch about, I intend to resolve them all. This is a poor start to solving my relation ship issues but it is a start nonetheless.

The point of this thread was to deal with my assumptions and experiences regarding the opposite sex. Somehow, I doubt this thread would have caused such controversy if I was a woman and I'd said exactly the same thing about men. Perhaps I'm wrong; that's a discussion for another time.

That said, I deeply respect the way most of the women who have read my posts have handled them. It seems that most people are able to get their points across without mounting a seeming "character assassination" (I am not the first person in this thread to use that term).

I acknowledge that my views may be controversial to some women. I realise I am not the most experienced person in the world and I also know that it is very difficult for the genders to comprehend the problems their opposite numbers face. I'm sure we all think we got the worst deal.

Nic, thank you for your support, I was getting a bit dismayed with the "you didn't help me" stuff, I try to respond to everyone but as you know better than I, the volume of cries for help becomes crushing after a while.

Poppy, if you want to leave, that's your choice. I used to regard you as a friend and a productive member of NMP. We could simply avoid each other from now on. It's a big forum.

Melancholia, I acknowledge what you say; I do tend to live inside my head -- I know exactly what you mean because this is one of the reasons I'm here, I got trapped in all the crap that's whirring round in my brain and I can't switch it off. My posts tend to be me-centric because, well, I've got to resolve my issues as well as helping other people. If you read my survival diary I quite often ask other people if anything I've said is helping them and I get a lot of PMs to tell me that I am helping people just by doing what I'm doing. That said I will try to be more open to others. I don't want to be guilty of ignoring assistance. I guess I'm just crap at accepting help.

As for the theme of helping others I am not trying to boast or exaggerate when I speak of the number of people I try to help. Nic can presumably verify the number of PMs I send and receive (I'd prefer it if you didn't read them though Nic). I tend to spread myself pretty thin and regularly go to bed feeling shattered or headachey later than 1am at night. I can't accept that I am wholly closed off to others.

Finally, the meaning behind my signature is that I will not accept being kicked when I'm down; you are welcome to do so if you want to try, but I will make it clear from now on that when a person tries to rouse the PsychoPoet, they'd better be wearing armour.

[bottleblond]

The point of this thread was to deal with my assumptions and experiences regarding the opposite sex. Somehow, I doubt this thread would have caused such controversy if I was a woman and I'd said exactly the same thing about men. Perhaps I'm wrong; that's a discussion for another time.

I think this is the sort of statement that fules these types of discussion.
More of a hinderence than i help m'thinks!!

Lisa

[NoPoet]

Believe it or not I realised that statement would harm my argument, but without prejudice against the members of No More Panic, that is exactly my way of thinking at this time ---- I did say I have problems and a chip on my shoulder! I still hope I can work this out and knock that chip right off my shoulder.

[eeyorelover]

One can't throw out a generality of one category of people and not expect at least some of them to take offense.
This is true regardless of whether it be nationality, sexuality, or gender.


Everyone here is here to receive information and support and with that spirit in mind I wish you all the best in overcoming the issues you face with respect to relationships.

Please bear in mind that we are all individuals that can not be lumped together by color, culture, or gender.

xxx
Sandy

[NoPoet]

I concede that point -- but one of my main lines of reasoning all along has been that I have encountered the same problem with a lot of different women, so by standard human reasoning I have built certain negative expectations about the female gender with regard to relationships... that's how the human brain works*, whether that's socially acceptable or not. I'm not trying to spread gender hate.

I don't have problems making friends with or working with women, the problem is purely related to getting involved romantically.


* It's also, incidentally, the reason I have developed a morbid fear of death and suicide; I have lost four people this year plus a number of celebrities whose music I grew up listening to. It is exactly the same principle -- it's not fair for me to be able to deal with my fears of death, but not my fears about relationships.

[eeyorelover]

Well if you look at it logically then...
You've been with "a lot" of different women and none of these relationships have worked out for you.
The common denominator here is you.
You yourself have said that you are a bit shy and have developed this negative association that women must be the problem. Perhaps just these facts alone are causing your relationships to fail. You can't go into a relationship whether it be just a casual dating sort of thing or someone who you are head over heals for with this pending doom over your head!

Maybe changing your mindset will help you to project a more relaxed and contented attitude and thus make a healthy productive relationship possible.
xxx
Sandy

[bottleblond]

Ok EVERY man i have had a relationship with has turned out to be a complete and utter (word i can't use here). I won't go into details but my last relationship with my sons dad changed my whole life.

However.....

I can't generalize men, relationships or anything else for that matter because these were my personal experiences and ones i chose to be a part of.

A relationship whether it is a good or bad one takes two people.
It is both those people who can make it a good relationship or a bad one!
Hard as it is, if it's a bad one then only we have the choice to stay in it.

If you go into a relationship with a male/female, gay/straight and you go into that relationship with serious 'past' issues..then of course it's going to go pear shaped.

You have to treat people as individulas no matter what colour, sexuality, crede they may be...if you don't then it will fail before it begins.


Lisa