hi guys hope i find you all well.
this is really just an inspirational post if anything. I have had one of the worst times of my life from november until precisely 30 mins ago.
In november whilst working with a radioactive insulin compound in the lab i made a mistake of contaminating my face by touching it with a contaminated glove. I have OCD so i totally flipped and when i mean flipped i mean like nervouse breakdown overload stuff.
it happend because i did not tell the demonstrator about the incident and tried to push it to the back of my mind and went on with the day eating and drinking etc. then thought crap i must have injested it.
i cried on a tube journey home which is like 1 hour long - i was in despair!
i was panicking so much i started coughing up blood - damn i must be having radiation sickness i thought.
by the way im 25 and i was in such i mess i rang my mum from work and insisted she came home. i thought it was the end and strangely i even wanted to end it faster by hanging myself because i thought it would be easier from dying from radiation!
to cut a long story short i eneded up in a mental ward for my own safety and on coming out got checked out to make sure i had no radioactive material inside me - i didnt.
i should be fine now right?!
nope.......what if i injested enough of the stuff for me know to definatly develop cancer in say 15 years.........what the hell of i done to myself i thought.........deep depression ensued. and the worries are endless in my head.
anyway 30 mins ago my life changed because i thought am i really going to worry about this until i get cancer, if i ever do or am i going to live my life. it really is a choice i have decided to live and all of you can do the same.........
dont get me wrong it is bloody hard and that is a major understatment because your mind is filled with worry and horror constantly but im going to give it a shot.
this attitude if i am honest has come from watching how others deal with life challenges on the internet on sites like youtube and an amazing documentry on stuart mangan the paraluzed rugby player.
in short your attitude makes or breaks you.........i mean look at my story if i didnt freak at the beginning i wouldnt have coughed up blood which made me more scared and i wouldnt have ended up in hospital. so i made things worse than they needed to be.
all the best guys
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