I'm so sick of this same thing every day...... day in day out and the one day i meant to have as my day(b'day) or at least that's my beleaive thta b'day as day's to spoil and pay lot;s of attention to a person. The one day thats meant to be mine and people are meant to want to talk to me and thay cant even talk to me me or look at me much. Thay rock up for cake and to sing me happuy b;day well thats what i thought anyway and then i have to ask them and basicly beg them to sing happy b'day to me. The whole night my mum and sister pick on almost everything that I'm proud off about my self. That talk about while i was sitting next to them and ignore everything i tryed to talk about. Thay laugh about me and everything i do as mother for kids. thay talked about how thay talk about me to there work mate's ect. I dont know why thay do but I'm so sick of it no matter what I try to say thay find away to bring it back on me and make a joke about me.
As for the other people my brother cant even show up at all proberly because thay pick on him as well now. Thay have been picking ob me longer and it seem as soon as you say no more thay start picking worse at you. I just happen to never what to be control by my sister or mum so i have been dealing with this crap since I was a kid.
My partner side of the family just came round and i swear thay think that the present is all i care about when what i want more than anything is to feel speacial for at least one day a year feel compleatly visable for one day a year at least. When the b;day person disapear's shou;d you want to know why would you want to know why i know that when I see a person for ther b'day i dont like to make them feel ignored at all if i see them all alone i will go and talk to them if thay look sad i will ry to chear them up if thay walk away i will try to get them come back and have some fun if thay are not up for fun i will talk to them private. Why can no one eva do this for me. Why do I alway feel so invisable around family and friend's. I hate it i feel more visable alone that I do in a room full of family and friend's. If dare to ask why or say anything that i'm seen to selfish or rude or something like i'm disrepecting there effort to be there or the bye the pressent when the truth is that would happy with a simple hug and converstaion(crying now) I HATE IT SO MUCH. Peopel say I'm hard to please but it that thay try to hard to please me like what i want is so hard and most expensive thing eva. When I have to ask for what i want the whole point is lost after that cause it no longer some thing thay did and it becomes something i had to ask for and then that whole NICE feeling is gone. I shouldn't have to ask for attention I shouldn't have to sit in room waiting to see if some wiil notice me i shouldn't have to want to be like I shouldn't have to want to feel love I SHOULDN'T I SHOULDN'T. It should be something people want to give it should be something someone wants to try to give me it should be natural and come easy and be always felt and be there but it's not I WANT TO SCREAM AT WORLD I WANT TO SCREAM SO LOUD THAT LOOSE MY VOICE AND THE WHOLE WORLD HEAR ME CRY"WHAT ABOUT ME DONT I DESERVE WHAT I SEE OTHER GETTING FOR LESS EFFORT"
ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
I SO WANT TO CRY NUT I DONT CAUSE THAY DONT DESERVE MY TEAR THAY DONT DESERVE MY LOVE BUT i STOP GIVING IT.
MAKE IT GO AWAY MAKE IT STOP MAKE ME BETTER MAKE ME FEEL OK '
GIVE A ME A BETTER FAMILY GIVE ME A BETTER FRIENDS GIVE SOMETHING BUT WHY DO i GET WHAT I HAVE TO DONT WANT THIS I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO THIS I SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE WHAT I FEEL DESERVE
EVERYONE DESERVE TO BE LOVED WHY CANT I GET WHAT DESERVE.
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