Is this a step back or a step forward?

[Veronica H]

Went across to mother in laws tonight with hubby and I set the table. Just as we were about to eat she said 'I have fish knives for a reason, as my silver cutlery gets tarnished with fish and then it is me who has to clean it! she was holding a fork in the air in my direction and I snatched it out of her hand and quickly collected all of the cutlery and then slammed it in her cutlery draw and set the table with her fish knives and forks. There was a deathly hush and I started to eat so they followed but you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife....better use a fish one . Seriously though, anxiety buddies I would never have behaved like that before my recovery from panic anxiety. I Feel a lot better, but seem to have a much lower tolerence for rudeness or criticism. I feel bad now though. Anyone else feel their personality has changed since their recovery? I think deep down that one of the reasons that I became so ill was because I internalised my feelings too much, but I am struggling with the new me.

Veronicax

[Midnight]

Sounds like a step forward to me, good going! The anxiety reaction would be 'Now she hates me and my husband is going to leave me'.

What she said was very rude so your response was warrented!

[Maggie-may]

I agree, she was very rude, and you responded well, good for you!

[magic girl]

oh veronicayour post has really made me laugh and its just what i needed,i wish i could have been a fly on the wall at your mother in laws.i would'nt worry i think most of us would have done the same thing

[suzy-sue]

Blimey Veronica lol ..she will think twice before shes so rude next time I can so relate to what your saying tho ,Ive been more outward going since ive felt better ,Before id just ignore things and they would upset me ,id lost my fight ..Its a good way to tell that you are getting better ...well done you ..Luv Sue x

[Maj]

Veronica you have done yourself such a big favour reacting like you did - even although it was difficult for you, the more you assert yourself the more you'll get your confidence back. The more we stand up for ourselves, although we find it difficult, in the long run it definitely makes you feel better. Instead of thinking "why didn't I do/say that" you can be proud in the knowledge that you didn't take a back seat. Well done I too am trying to go down that road because you do actually feel better, instead of feeling inadequate and resentful. Go girl!!!!!
Myra

[Going home]

I'm glad you posted this because I think it could be a common theme in recovery but one that we don't really think about in this way. When I was really in the middle of agoraphobia and panics I was such a feeble person....grateful for everything people did for me, and thats ok, it wasn't a false thing because people really did their best to help me, but since becoming stronger mentally, I can stick up for myself a bit more...sort of assert my feelings a bit more, instead of being in the shadow of somebody else and having them think for me, now I can think for myself and actually have my own opinions. Never feel bad for having your own thoughts and feelings back again

Best wishes
GH xx

[Maj]

Going Home you are so right. You have to have confidence in your own thoughts and feelings to get your self-esteem and courage back. You can't live life by other people's thoughts and rules.
Myra

[Slothette]

Its a step forward.....youre gaining in confidence so woe betide anyone who tries to put you down! x

[Veronica H]

Thanks Everyone for your replies. I did have a bit of a giggle to myself about it this morning. One thing is for sure I couldn't go back to the way I was before. Perhaps next time I will react verbally and say 'do you mean to sound so rude' instead of getting physical with the cutlery. ...I am still a work in progress.

Veronicax