Dear God...if you are there

[smudger]

Bill, I understand what you are saying. I know there must be plenty of men who do not get support from partners either. It must be difficult for partners though, depression is really hard to live with from their perspective. I looked after my father for 2 days while mum took a well earned break away and he made me feel ill as he did my sisters when he stayed with them. He had a serious breakdown during moms abscence and we couldnt cope so I understand how difficult it is.I don't know what the answer is because I feel like I don't matter to my partner as he just carries on tinkering on his computer, practising his guitar etc etc while I sit saying nothing feeling like Im dying inside.I honestly feel that if I suggested we separate, he would be relieved!I don't know if thats the truth or my illness making me feel like that.Scary. We have been together for 25 years and he really wants the old me back but I know its gone for good.So sad.

[clairabella]

You are definatley not alone...ive felt like this too but everything isnt as bleak as what you think its, your anxiety thats making you feel this way....remember that there is someone who loves you more than anything in this world and that is you child....im sending you a big hug and a poem that always helps when i feel down....xx

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high;
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are;
It may be near when it seems afar.
So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit

[Corinne]

God is definately there. Talk to Him often. He helps. I pray constantly and see on a daily basis what He does for me. Talk to him in your own words. He hears.
Hugs

[Sweetpea6]

Smudger, I'm so sorry to hear about your sad situation. My thoughts are with you. Keep going, and hold onto every glimmer of hope; you will come out the other side. Best wishes.

[smudger]

Sweetpea6, Corinne and clairabella, thanks everybody and the poem is lovely. I'm having a better day today, Ive exercised which has helped with stress although I cant sort out my over eating yet!I hope that will kick in soon. Im on my own from tomorrow til next Tuesday as my husband is away working. It will be interesting to see how I feel on my own. Will it be easier? I dont know......

[littlekaitlyn]

I know how it feels to feel worthless and want to die, but then I have days where I realize that I am needed and loved and I couldn't imagine killing myself. I like to think that I'm goring through this for a reason. Maybe I'll become a much stronger person for it? Maybe I'm supposed to help others with this one day? You should think the same way.

Please try and think positive throughts. Anxiety can cause depression sometimes, but you have to beat it. I know you're strong, and I know that you are loved. Keep your chin up! PM me if you ever need to talk.

[Bill]

Perhaps the reason we become so low sometimes is because we don't receive the support we need which makes us feel so alone with our anxieties?

Contrasting this old post of yours with the one on this thread?.........

Hi. I joined this site very recently. You sound great. I have to tell you that Ive been with my husband for 26 years n suffered on and off for 20yrs! For the first time 18 days ago I 'allowed' my hubby to come to the clinic with me as I have been particularly poorly. What a difference it made. I WISH Id done it earlier. He feels less helpless, hes more understanding, N I feel like he really cares about be.Im not trying to get better on my own anymore. Its so hard alone!So, good on you. Hopefully this site will help both of you.xx

So what changed?

Perhaps he really does care about you but just doesn't know what to do to help you? Maybe you need to tell him what you need to feel happier because if he Really does care about you, he'll do what you ask of him? Maybe he's stayed with you for 26 years because of what he sees in you that you don't? Maybe if he didn't love you he'd have left years ago? Maybe he just needs to know how to help you? Maybe he loves you more than you love yourself? Maybe he doesn't want to lose you! Maybe he needs you to talk to him?

Just sounds to me that if he felt less helpless and more understanding "then", what he feels in his heart towards you may never have changed but maybe you need to help him help you?

If he rejects your request for help, then that's another matter but either way, never give up on hope no matter how hopeless things may feel.

[Hell's]

Sometimes frustration is displayed when partners feel helpless. If we cannot fix those we love we struggle. Maybe he is just so desperate to help you, but doesn't know how.

Good luck with it all, will be thinking of you.

Love H.x

[Typer]

Dear smudger - as Bill says you are not alone. I feel like this every day and like you, just wish I had someone to hug me and make it all okay. Some days I wonder how I will go on..but somehow I do.

Buy Claire Weeks's book or the DVD if you can. Know you are amongst people who feel the same and know that there can be hope, even when it feels as though there is none

[fishman65]

Hi Smudger,I'm so sorry you are feeling like this.I'm sure your partner does really care but is probably at a loss as to how to help you.He may also feel guilt at feeling like he can't do anything to ease your pain.My wife has epilepsy,crohns disease and chronic fatigue syndrome.I often feel helpless when she's in constant physical pain with the crohns (chronic bowel inflammation).And the fatigue syndrome makes her sleep all day.However,on the flip side,I've always felt like a burden on people with my anxiety/depression,which is ridiculous if I look at it rationally,as both her illnesses and mine are just as valid.

You said you were on medication I think?Perhaps its not the right one for you?Try going back to your Dr and discussing this with him.Whatever you decide to do,I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you start to feel a bit better soon.We all understand how you feel here,so you're not alone.

All the best, Fishy