Fear of death

[PoppyC]

Hi
I have had this fear on and off since I had a breakdown nearly 18 months ago - before then I never really thought about death and dying and if I did then I just accepted it as being inevitable.
Since the breakdown, the death fear has come and gone and now its back again.
It is not a fear of a painful death, illness, or accident - it is the fear of what happens after death.
I can be really happy and relaxed and then out of nowhere comes the fear, about death.I can be happily looking at a beautiful scene for example and then in comes the thought of one day I will be dead and wont be able to see such scenes anymore.
I have read so many books, articles and visited so many websites about fear of death - thanatophobia. and life after death, and meaning of life books.
I have lost both parents and a friend and went all through that and yet for some reason I wasn't so bad then with the fear.
I have spoken to 2 counsellors about it but it still doesn't help. People tell me to not worry and just enjoy life, but I can't fully because of the fear of what is going to happen. I am annoyed with myself for feeling like this, because there are people out there who know they have limited amount of time left due to illnesses, and I should be thankful that for now I am ok and healthy - apart from being mentally ill ! lol - and that I should appreciate my time on the earth....but I can't cos of the stupid death phobia!!!!
I wish I had a faith. I need proof to believe in anything.
I read a quote from Mark Twain which says I was dead for millions of years before I was ever alive, and it never inconvenienced me in the least. I try and remember this and it does make sense, but no matter what I read or I am told, the fear is still there. It is making me so miserable.
How does anyone get over this and just accept? Am I going to be like this for the rest of my life until the moment I die???

[bottleblond]

Poppy

This is something i used to think about ALOT and i have no idea why.
Like you, it wasn't the fact that i would die one day. It was the fear that once i was dead then i would be dead forever. I'm not into religeon so can't believe in an 'after life'. It's like when i am dead then it's a forever of nothingness.

I will distract the second i start to think about it again because i used to be really bad with this fear too.

I wish there was something i could say to make you feel better hun but all i can offer is understanding.

Big hugs
Lisa
xxxx

[magpie girl]

hi poppy ive struggled with the same thing for years nowno matter how happy i can be i am always aware of my own mortality.I worry about loved ones i will leave behind and my animals because like lisa said dead is forever.I do try and distract myself as soon as the though pops into my head but sometimes the fear just takes hold,and yet i do know that it happens to everyone one day.Sorry to change subject poppy but is that your dog in the profile pic is it a white sheperd ?????

[PoppyC]

Hi Lisa and Magpie Girl
Thanks for replies. They have helped. I am sorry that you feel like this too.
I am glad too that you can understand, because when I have mentioned this to people before, I generally get looked at like they think I should be sectioned immediately!
Lisa - Did your fear go? or do you still get it?
I have had other phobias which came and then went again. I just wish this one would. My medication, doesnt help with this either.
Magpie Girl - My dog is a Jindo. He is lovely and has been such a big help to me. I think he is my 'safe dog' rather than person! He has helped me so much with my agoraphobia, in getting out.
The fear has gone away a little bit now again....it comes and goes and makes me really panicky.
I wonder why we get like this???
Thank You both for replying

[LittleMissSunshine]

Hi,

I have the exact same feelings. The way you expressed how you feel - the fear of nothing forever is what gets to me too. I am very aware of my own mortality in a way that others around me don't seem to be. There are times when the thoughts of forever come on and I feel so so panicky and frightened. I too have talked to counsellors but they can't help as it is the thing that no one knows about so how can anyone make us feel better? The only way I can deal with it is to stop thinking about it. I am sorry I can't help but just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I can't talk about it to people as it's morbid and they think it's weird and I don't normally post on here as I hold back from talking about me a lot. But hey, here I am posting! Maybe it will help. If anyone has any help for us, please post. xx

[bottleblond]

Poppy


Yeah my fear did go but it is easy to slip back into that train of thought. I constantly distract if i start to go down that route. Do anything you have to to get it out of your mind! Call a mate...read a book! if you constantly distract when you start to think about it then eventually it will ease.

xxxxx

[weeble40]

Hey Hun you can add me to the list to as this is my fear, and cause of anxciety, Ive had it since I was 6 years old, Im 40 now, some days are better than others, keeping myself busy, and not thinking about the one day, is the only way I get through, sorry I can be of no help, just live life to fullest and make most of everyday, is how I try and think,
take care

Emms xx

[pollyanna]

Hi


I am a another member of this horrid club.You have hit the nail on the head, it really is the forever part thats the worst.
i dont know any way round it, as someone says how can anyone help us when its something that no one knows about. I have been like this for about 18 years, and it hasnt gone away, but i do try to distract myself by trying to do something else, trouble is most of these thoughts though come into my head when i am lying in bed at night. It feels like i have been let in on the worst/biggest secret in the world, i know the big secret and everyone else is happily living and enjoying their lives, whilst i am miserable and waiting for it to happen. i hate it , it drives me insane
I have never hear that mark twain quote before, and actually it makes a lot of sense, i will try to hold that thought!!!

I have no answers, but just wanted to send you all hugs , i know how you all feel, its horrible and destructive, i think really most people dont really think about it, i know before i was like this , i didnt really think about, it was so easily pushed out of my mind, i was i could have that way back again..

, hugs to you all P x

[stace81]

Add me to this too, that is the cause of my panic attacks and anxiety. I too hae seen cousellors but how can they help when you cant face your fear! Lisa is right about distraction, as soon as i think about it i have to busy myself or phone or text somebody my mobile is never far from hand.
Im sorry i cant offer more help but just know you arent alone and hopefully one day it will get better. xxx

[steve2009]

I'd like to join this club aswell!

I had a bout of depression/anxiety after the death of my mother 20 yrs ago, and I am going through another "blackness" again. I get this feeling/fear quite often when I'm having a good day almost like a punishment, like I shouldn't enjoy myself. I sometimes wonder if it is a childhood trait from my parents that somehow pleasure and guilt/pain are linked together. Sorrow at things taken away from us.
I also had a near drowning incident when I was about 15 which scared the
---- out of me.

I think most everyone will have these thoughts but they don't trigger the strong anxiety responses that anxiety sufferers have.
I think if we can deal with the anxiety symptoms then we would be someway toward coping with the fear.
From my experience, and I was depression free for twenty years, the feeling of mortality cropped up hardly at all as I got on with my "life". So, for me, I'm trying to deal with depression/anxiety, then the rest should fall into place.
I agree with everyone who uses distraction as good course of action. I try not to feel guilty about life's distraction but that's sometimes easier said than done.
Not that it's much consolation when I'm feeling down or anxious, but much of the culture we have comes from people who are all too aware of their own mortality. When I can listen my favourite music I am grateful for their existance. When I live the day I'm glad of their efforts.

This fear is an unspoken taboo and no secret to most people, but at least you can talk about it here rather than mulling it over.
Well done for bringing up the topic PoppyC.
Lets keep fighting......beat the anxiety.
Started to ramble so I'll stop.