Fear of death

[jude uk]

Sometimes I think it is not death that one fears but the thought of leaving others behind. "How will they cope without me etc"
For those with younger children this can be the main thought. I remember having this fear and I put into words in a book how I felt about my son and notes to guide him through life, so that he could look at it when I am not there. That was 8yrs ago and I still have the book. I am sure he will find my thoughts and ideas funny when I give it to him when he is older lol

There are a few ways to look at death

1. we can see it as the end and when we die we no longer exist
2. we can see death as a stepping stone towards somewhere else

I for one thought "if I have this fear then let me see if I can find some hope".

For me faith was the answer and I believe that I do go to heaven when I die and my son will be with me at some point. I understand others may not accept this but you may also find another path in your quest to cope with this fear.

Its such a horrible fear and it steals all of our life, to the point where we are not so much afraid of death but afraid of life.

its a rational fear because we will all die but it becomes all consuming when we think about it all day everyday.
My advice is try and come to accept that life ends and new life begins. In the same way a seed must die for the beauty of the flower to be seen

[PoppyC]

Hi again
How are you all today?
Frankiesmum - I am so sorry about the loss of your baby. I have nothing to worry about in comparison and feel really bad for worrying about something that has not even happened.
Your posts are really helpful. Thank you.
I liked what you wrote Judeswan - "a seed must die for the beauty of the flower to be seen"
I am glad you have your faith - it must be a big help to you.
I do worry about leaving people closest to me behind, especially my son. I think what you did for your son, writing a book for him to guide him through life, is amazing. What a lovely thing to do.
I really stressed myself out yesterday over this fear, to the extent that I hardly slept last night, and have been feeling unwell and exhausted today. This fear comes and goes and I think at the moment it is because of how gloomy January is.
I am going to try so hard not to worry anymore about what happens after death, and as I said I have chosen the age of 60 years to think about it again, and then by then I may not be so bothered, and if anything happens to me before then, well I won't have worried before it was my time.
I may go to my gp and see about sleeping tablets, for nights such as last night.
Someone tell me to stop whinging please and for me to be greatful for what I have

[Typer]

Poppy, how awful for that to happen in Sainsbury's...If I am going to feel ill, you can take a bet it will be in a supermarket.

Yes it is a kind of phobia I guess, but from what else you say, I would say it is part of the depression also...the pointlessness etc. Of course anyone who dissects daily life will have a hard time finding a point unless there are specific small and large goals to aim for. Without them life is scary and death even scarier. To have the ability to think deeply is a gift and a curse in my opinion

[PoppyC]

Hi Typer
Thanks for your reply.
What is it with supermarkets! lol Some of my worst experiences have been in them. I prefer Sainsburys because the one near where I live has darker lighting than the others, and one of the things that does not help my anxiety is bright lights and the checkouts. I use the self scan ones now but they never seem to work properly!
You made a good point about having small or large aims to go for.
My boyfriend who has an action packed life said to me that maybe I am scared of dying because I am not living enough....
Anxiety, depression and agoraphobia and all the rest, hold people back though from doing what they want to however.
Sorry if I sound like I am feeling sorry for myself....I am just in a tired, overthinking mood today

[magpie girl]

hi poppy, today i have not felt the need to think of the what ifsInstead i thouught of my grandma,and how she would be there to greet me if i were to drop dead.The look on her face as she would say what the hell were you thinking when you dyed your hair pink back in 2000.Then i thought oh my god im gonna get a right ear bashing,but wouldnt it be nice to see lost loved ones again.Id finally get to hug my mum,to say i love you.I prefer these thoughts to the its over its final

[Redrainbow]

Hello again Poppyc,
Thankyou for all your advice today, i took yours and Rozie's advice and went for a good walk, just come back, so i will let you know tomorrow if i sleep any better. So that was your phobia you spoke of in your post to me, fear of death and what's after it. I have been thinking of that a little lately i must admit. I think everyone lingers on that one at some point in their life. I should say that's due to it being the only question that no one knows the answer too. I think there is definatly a life after death, at least i hope so (lol).
I think it's this terrible illness we have makes us dwell on such dreadfull things all the time, don't you. Speaking for myself if i'm not threating about one awful thing it's another. As for there being a hell, well suffering with this severe depression and anxiety i sometimes wonder if i'm already there (LOL).
But to end on a happy note, can i ask is that your cute little Doggy in your photo? I think you did well in your walk today, i'm pleased for you and that's why i took the advice,
Thanks from Wayne.

[PoppyC]

Hi again
Hi Wayne - I am really pleased for you that you got out for a walk. Did it make you feel any better? I find walks really help me. How are you feeling today? Did you sleep any better?
I slept ok...ish but still going to see my gpf for some sleeping tablets this wee. I feel unwell at the moment and I think I have a virus or maybe just unwell cos I keep stressing about life after death!!! I will probably die due to stressing over it lol
The pic of the dog above is not my dog but isthe same breed. My dog is a little older by a few months and is like a white husky. He is a pedigree breed and is a rescue dog. He is adorable - so loving and affectionate. I have 2 young cats too and have found that my pets have really helped me in a lot of ways. I have only had them since I became very unwell 18 months ago.I am now much better.
I do know what you mean about 'hell' with the anxiety and depression!
How has today been for you? Did you get out for a walk again?
Magpie Girl
I like your way of thinking about life after death...I hope to see my parents again but there is part of me that thinks because there is no evidence of an after life then I find it hard to believe. However there is also no evidence that there is no after life either, so I don't know what to think I hope we do get to all meet again.
I know that I should just stop worrying about life after death and enjoy my life whilst I have it, and I do try, but its this niggling in my mind about it all at the moment.

[emmaleo]

Hiya cannot believe the amount of us there are and i thought it was only me. I too started being afraid of death from around the age of six. It has been a constant worry in my life and once i start thinking of it a panic attack is normally close by. I really am so happy that i wandered on to this site. x

[PoppyC]

Hi Emma
Welcome to the site!
No you are definitely are not alone in how you feel ! Have you always felt like this since such a young age? has it always been as bad, or has it gone sometimes only to come back again?
I felt like a panic attack was on its way on Friday but thankfully I didn't have one - probably due to me now having medication.
I never realised until I joined this site how many people do have the same fear.

[frankiesmum]

Hello Everyone

I have been away for the weekend and not had chance to have a look at this thread - just wizzing through reading the posts that I missed (quickly before my little boy wakes up!) and catching up with what people have said.

Firstly can I just say one thing PoppyC - thanks for saying sorry about my baby dying but please don't apologise saying that you have nothing to be upset about in comparison - I would never think like that. Have a read of the thread I started about my own fear of death - it started long before my baby died and in fact when my baby died my fear didn't take over my life! Ironically when faced with such tragedy I coped! (was devasted ofcourse) but I didn't loose my mind and go mad.

I have had loads of therapy in my life because of my fear of dying but never ever felt I could tell anyone I was having it 'cause they would think "what is she having therapy for - she has nothing in her life to worry about or be depressed about" - this attitude influenced me being 'silent' about my condition but annoyed me too or rather upset me. The blissful ignorance. Its not as simple as saying you have nothing to be depressed about - thats not how depression works.

I guess what I am trying to say is that this depression is deep routed and we can't say any of us are any more deserving of it - its sucks and non of us can help it.

I have read with interest some of the things some of you have said.

PoppyC again I think you do have depression - in my opinion you should go to the doctor and speak about it - are you taking anti depressants?

I am taking them - citalopram but lately I am wondering if they have actually stopped working? I am able to email my psychiatrist and I am gonna do this today and ask him if they could have.

xxx