looking for a man

[butterfly1]

Hi !! I know this may seem a strange thread to some of you but i would like any advice or comments. I know its not a dating site but would like to know where to go to meet a possible partner!!! I go to the pubs now and again with a couple of friends but i am not very confident unless i have had a few drinks due to my social anxiety. I have also tried online dating but i am afraid a lot of men want no strings or just sex which is not for me. A lot of my depression stems from being lonely even though i have my kids,its not the same.I hope i am not sounding desperate as thats not the intention,just wondering where i can go to even meet new people. I have had a couple of relationships(short term) 3 mths but they have not worked out.My ex partner of 5 yrs lives next door with his new floosy, and all i want is to move on!!!!!!!Any ideas please ???????? Butterfly1

[onceagain]

Hi Butterfly

Don't go looking too hard, it will probably happen when you least expect it... stay away from dating sites it could only lead to more hurt that you don't need.

Do you have any interests sometimes that is a way to meet people and socialise and who knows you might meet that man but let your ex have his floosy get a social life and your life and take it from there if its meant to happen it will without trying at all x

[butterfly1]

Thanx Sharon but do you know i dont even know what my interests are anymore, i read walk my dog go to work and shopping,thats about it really.Its also having the confidence to try something new (how scary)!!!!Have you had bad experience with dating sites? x

[peach]

hi butterfly,

my mum met her current husband at church...seems to be nice wholesome men there..and he is a very lovely man and just perfect for my mum. she met him when she was 50. theyve been together for about 8 yrs now.

i would also recommend clubs of sorts...hobby clubs that you may be interested in? groups, ie: bushwalking, dancing etc...

join the library?
singing group? charity work?
volunteer at a hospital, art gallery, science place?

that is what i would do..id stay away from pubs and nightclubs...

good luck with it

i mentioned on here about a section for love interest on this forum...i think it would be a good idea, as whoever you meet would be sympathetic to the issues we have on here, would save a whole lot of drama further down the track
i know there are others on here keen to meet someone as well.

[peach]

oh, forgot to mention, it is a salvation army church where they met...there are some really wonderful people who volunteer there

[Veronica H]

Sorry to hear you have not met the right person yet. One of my divorced friends met his partner when he joined an athletics club as a runner....a bit drastic maybe but how about a jitsu class or similar....self defence. A shared interest might be the key.

Veronica

[butterfly1]

thanx for the advice girls i am trying to rack my brains and think what i would enjoy doing its proving pretty hard but i will keep thinking yeh!!!!

[gary_2.0]

I'm right here baby!

It certainly is a problem. The meet-ups are a good start, have you found any in your area? Anything that gets one out of the house really. Although I don't think of myself as lonely, it would be good to have someone to share things with. I think everyone understands that. You don't sound at all desperate. You're just expressing a perfectly natural desire to want intimate company. It's a basic human need.

[onceagain]

Hi Butterfly

Know so many people who have had bad experiences using dating sites. Some people are lucky enough to find someone special but so many are deceived and hurt along the way. Which to me you just don't need.

You said that you don't know what your interests are anymore then I would say go find them.... take up a sport, art classes, belly dancing find a social group make friends first so that by the time you find that man who is out there waiting to find you too that you have you back first... the last thing you need is to find someone and it not work because you just wanted company of a man.

Join the local darts team, or rugby club whatever find you first hun x

Lots of hugs sent x

[gary_2.0]

Sharon makes some very good points which I'd like to add to.

The most important quality I look for, beside shared interests, hobbies etc. is that of a shared view. An outlook on the world or life itself. A shared belief in politics, religion, animal welfare or human rights is far more likely to bind people together with a strength that will outweigh and outlast an interest in say, Food Preparation and Cooking - Kitchen and Larder NVQ Level 3.

My doctor once described me, a little harshly I feel, as a serial monogamist. Her appraisal, seeming to me to infer wanton disregard for commitment. What I should have said at the time, instead of trying to suppress a broad smile, was that as far as I was concerned, the greatest work comes in finding a suitable match, not in keeping the flame burning.

That's my philosophical muse for tonight.