I don't know which category I belong in... but Help!

[sazmatazz]

Well firstly sorry if this is in the wrong place... I seem to have panic attacks, general anxiety, social anxiety, health anxiety, phobia's, OCD and depression because of anxiety to some degree.

Just looking for a bit of advice. This is bound to be an essay!
I am now in a complete state and just don't know where to turn next.
I've had IBS for about 6 years, and been suffering with anxiety related to that for about 2 years. I dont know why I started getting anxious, I think I must have gone through a rough time with symptoms but I can't really pinpoint it. My IBS has always been manageable with a few short periods of bad symptoms.
Seems like it has just gradually got worse and worse.

Anyway it is now so bad that anxiety has literally taken over my life.
Even if I don't feel 'ill' (e.g. upset tummy, feeling sick, diahorrea) I now can't ever stop worrying that I will feel ill or I'll go somewhere and feel ill whilst I'm there (that I won't be able to get home or get to the loo)

I am now phobic of food (basically because if I don't eat I can't possibly be ill.)
I won't go anywhere there isn't a toilet or walk/take a bus/ride in a car for more than about ten minutes in case I feel ill.
I am phobic of people seeing me panicking or being near me when I feel ill, or in case I feel ill. (therefore I want to be on my own all the time, i'm even scared to the extent that I worry about talking to people on the phone in case I have to cut them short)
I have developed certain obsessions about places I can and can't go, things I have to take with me when I try to go out, things like that.
If I have to go places and I start to panic I give myself an upset tummy and have to rush to the loo.
Basically anywhere that isn't my house makes me feel nervous and like there is a risk of me starting to panic and therefore will lead on to me being physically ill.
When I get ill and need to rush to the loo I then start to take loperamide (i.e. immodium) which usually stops it but then leaves me feeling really lousy and unable to go to the loo for up to about 5 days at a time. And in those 5 days the worrying about when I will need the loo next is prettymuch as bad as when I can't stop going.

It seems like it was the IBS that started the feelings of anxiety (however I did deal with it for a few years with no problems) but now it is the feelings of anxiety which causes the flare ups and I can't stop myself thinking in that way so I basically think I WILL be ill and I can't stop it.

I was put on citalopram with no real results so got taken off them.
I was also seeing a counsellor with no real results. I have been referred to CBT but the waiting list is approx 4 months.

This has been going on for far too long and I am determined 2010 will be the year I beat it but as soon as anything remotely stressful happens I get myself into a state and realise I just don't know how I can cope on a day to day basis.

I always think that now I have experienced this and I think in this way I can never ever forget about it and it will always haunt me and threaten me even if I do manage to recover.
I've not had suicidal thoughts as such but at my lowest have thought the only time this will stop is when I'm dead. I really feel like I can't cope with everyday life now. I can't do my job to my full potential and I can't do the simplest of things like seeing my friends or going shopping.

I just wondered if anyone has had similar experiences or has any thoughts on my story.

Thank you

S

[Bill]

I can certainly understand your feelings.

The night before I was due to go to work I'd be worrying about needing a loo on my way there or as soon as I arrived so what I used to do was drink lots of orange juice or eat fruit the night before to make sure I could empty myself before I left for work.

However, this was a false philosophy because even though it certainly made me go in the mornings before I set off, I Always Still needed the loo Again when I got to work because I'd get so stressed with worry during the journey.

Personally, what I've found does work though is this...

I try to drink no more than a cup of orange juice a night. This I find is just enough to make me want to go in the mornings (but not always) but isn't too much to cause my IBS to be a major problem. In this way, in my mind I know I've "been" so I know the only way I could get caught short again would be if I "make myself" want to go again. If however, I can't go before I go out, I also remind myself that I Will be ok providing I remember to keep relaxed and Not focus on my tummy.

In a way, it's exactly the same as with panic attacks. If we focus on feeling stressed we'll cause a panic attack just as focusing on feeling stressed will make us need a loo! Also, focusing on the "worry" of suffering a panic attack will also "create" a panic attack just as focusing on the "worry" of needing a loo will "make" us need a loo.

Therefore, the right technique for both is the same....

Train yourself to keep your mind and body relaxed. Make sure you relax all your muscles, especially the tummy muscles! With IBS we tend to hold our tummy muscles clenched which I feel puts pressure on our motions. Therefore, its important to remember to "breathe out" and let those tummy muscles relax to release that tension. If we don't, our tummy will then start making us feel we'll need a loo and once that starts we then start focusing on thos feelings.

Therefore, in addition to learning how to relax your body, remember also Not to focus on "feelings". Keep your mind on the "outside" i.e. distract yourself by looking for interest around you, at people walking by, shop windows...even make up names with letters on car numbers plates, or listen to the radio. If out on the street, keep your mind focused on where you're going and what you want to do but Not on how you're feeling. In times it becomes second nature so you're not having to make a conscious effort because you've then re-trained your mind how to "think" correctly. Remember, if you start feeling tense or become aware of feelings, make Sure you nip it in the bud by not dwelling on it.

Anyway, that's what worked for me and I can't honestly remember the last time I needed a loo out due to IBS even though my tummy does still like to attempt to play up at times!

[cardcraft]

Blimey yousound nearly like me....

I had Ibs first for many years, but after a few stressful situations the IBS flared up big time and I basically had to go to the toilet as soon as I got up and couldnt stop going,it would get worse if I had to leave the house.
It got to the stage where I wouldnt leave the house and I didnt for 6 weeks - I then went on a dose of codine,doctor scripted this as this can calm your tummy down, she said my tummy didnt shut down at night like it should....the tablets, going onto Prozac and taking time to relax did help....I didnt eat nothing but dry biscuits and water for weeks as I darent eat but the better I felt, the better I ate.

I think your amazing - you say you dont feel like your coping but I cant believe you are holding down ajob, boy thats something to be extremely proud of - I couldnt hold down a job and I didnt keep my friends - I know its hard to see the positives but you are an extremely strong person and one day youll get it.....please see the doctor and see if they can do more to help you with your tummy, as soon as mine settled down the more I felt better and the more I could do without worrying - but of course it takes time.

Wishing you all the very best xx

[sazmatazz]

I'm really not coping. The only reason I still have a job is because I work for a really small and very understanding organisation. Anywhere else and I'd be out on my ear. My job isn't secure and in my mind thats another reason to worry. my job should involve a lot of work outside the office as outreach, training, meetings etc and I can't keep up with my work commitments.

I still have my friends for now but I do wonder how long they will put up with me, some people would say true friends would always be there but its very difficult when its all give from them and I can't be a good friend in return.

I've had all the tests possible for my tummy, there's nothing else going on that they can find. I've got the standard ibs anti-spasmodic drugs but they don't seem to help. The doctors have said there's nothing else they can do.

My life is just a shambles, and I want to withdraw even more just because I don't want people to see me like this. I want them to know me as the person I was before this, not the person I am now.

:(

[sazmatazz]

just wanted to update this thread, i've recently started CBT to control and overcome my anxiety - it seems to be going well so far and the work thats been done is leading me to understand things more. I would urge anyone else who has been offered CBT to take it up as it seems to be a really good way of breaking down and learning to overcome problematic anxious thoughts.