Hello - Accepting I have HA !!
Hi - I've finally accepted that Google is not the answer to everything (praise be!) and that this is probably the only safe place I can look, if I want a 'fix' of self flagellation (that always sounds somehow rude to me!) through diagnosis.
I'm in my 30's and never worried about anything until my little one came along 3 years ago and my mum died nearly 2 years ago. I wasn't conscious after either event that my worry-o-meter had kicked in, but it obviously had done.
My first episode was almost a year ago. I kept getting discomfort in my back and abdomen and on going to the Dr's, they did the standard urine test for a water infection ... anyway the test came back positive for blood, but not for an infection, so I got ushered off to have my kidneys and bladder scanned. All was fine, and when they retested the urine it was clear. In the few weeks or so it all took, I had made the mistake of 'just having a quick look online' and finding that I must have something majorly wrong with my kidneys/bladder etc.
The HA really kicked in this Christmas. I had a really rough couple of days just after Boxing Day - felt like proper flu - very high temp, shivers, muscle aches, bad cough etc, which wiped me out for a while. About a week later, my neck felt a 'bit weird' and on inspection in the mirror, I noticed that one of my tonsils was swollen. I also have a very minor (less than a pea size) palpable lymph node in my neck on the same side. Between the 2 things and good old Dr 'just call me a walking time-bomb' Google, I have been convinced that it must be lymphoma, tonsil-cancer or something equally bad.
I saw the Dr today and she sent me for a blood test for a number of things including glandular fever, and has given me a week of anti-biotics in case it's a bacterial infection. I am trying very very hard to convince myself that the anti-biotics will kick in and all will be well, but it hasn't stopped me taking a torch with me everytime I go in the bathroom, to have a quick inspection of the tonsil to check it hasn't got any bigger!!
I am ashamed to admit the number of times I have spontaneously (never could spell that) burst into tears over the last few weeks in fear that I will not see my little one grow up.
I am hoping and telling myself it will all be sorted and panic over soon - just trying to believe it at the moment x
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