Not depressed but don't like myself

[Candiflare]

I wonder if any of you can help me put my finger on what I need to deal with and do about the way I feel. I am not prone to depression and I know this because I see the world as a fantastic, meaningful place. I have good relationships with others and when I wake up in the morning I feel like Ireally want to face the day.

However, I don't like myself very much. I don't hate myself, or self-harm or anything like that, I just don't rate myself very highly. I don't rate myself highly enough to take a daily shower/wash my hair/eat well/stay healthy. I think "Why bother?" I don't know why I think like this. I am not doing very well in my career and when I get rejected from things I feel like I understand why they rejected me and share some sort of affinity with them. Same with boyfriends. I completely understand why they reject me and agree with them totally - never put up a fight or anything, just accept it because I believe they're right.

I feel like I've been tossed in the wind of other people's views all my life.. first my parent's, then my peers at school, then my various boyfriend's over the years. I feel like I rate myself in the same way the person around me rates me. When I'm not around someone who boosts me up, I forget about my personhood and start to not wash, not care for myself. I don't feel like I'm punishing myself, I just feel like I don't exist.

What is this and how do I start tackling it?

[onceagain]

Hi there

you are depressed and it sounds like you have gained these feelings from low self esteem, which like any of us, can stem from things that happened in your past, ie family views etc.

I too suffered from a very low self esteem and felt I was handling it until recently when all jumped up and bit me on the bottom...

I would say to speak to your GP because you have got used to feeling this way you might not even be recognising that you are feeling low.

Hugs sent and best wishes x

[Bill]

I'm not convinced you actually are depressed although you do show symptoms of depression.

My feeling is that you've simply never been made to feel of any importance and therefore lack self-esteem. I'm Only guessing here but some thoughts are that perhaps when you were young your parents neglected you, never showed you love or said anything to boost your confidence. Perhaps at school you could have been bullied or found making friends difficult. Perhaps in the past friends have always let you down so you expect to be treated by everyone in the same way. Perhaps your views have always been dismissed and you've been made to feel unimportant. Perhaps in the past people never gave you any praise so you can't now believe yourself to be any good unless you're made to feel worth something to others.

I feel like I rate myself in the same way the person around me rates me.

For whatever reason, you've never been made to feel important so you don't now feel important. If someone lets you down, abandons you or says bad things about you, you accept it because that's what you believe about yourself anyway due to the way you've always been treated before. You Expect it.

However, if someone praises you, it makes you feel good about yourself because it matters to you that you are seen in a "good light" because only then do you feel "worth something" and so therefore will be boosted to look after your appearance more etc.

If you don't feel worth anything to others, you don't see any worth in yourself because you've never felt worth anything yourself in the past.

I feel that if you suffered from depression, you still wouldn't feel motivated to make an effort because you'd still not like yourself whatever others thought of you.

I just feel if you feel worth something to others then you feel worth something yourself so your issue is self-esteem and lack of confidence in yourself so you need to create more self-belief that you really are a valuable human being regardless of others views of you.

Those are my thoughts anyway.