why do i feel so lonely?

[looby]

happy christmas to eveyone and i hope 2006 is so much better for all.

anyway, i went out with work 2 weeks ago on our xmas do, and i did fine with my anxiety, felt ill before hand but got out and did so well.
but i feel so lonely, there was only a couple of girls i was talking to and then more people came and i was left on my own. i felt like such a tool!

then on xmas eve, i was meant to meet up with some freinds, so me and my other half went to the pub where we were meeting them at 7pm, but they didn't turn up til 9.30pm and stayed for only half an hour and went back into town, somewhere where i really can't face going to anymore.

i just feel so lonely and wonder why people don't like me and find me so boring. i can understand as i haven't really got that much of a life. i moved to bolton 4 years ago and moved away from my closest friends and family and made a few new friends but, 1 has had a baby, the other has just got married and the other who i felt closet to has started going out with an old school mate and doesn't bother with me anymore.

My boyfriend has been brilliant and i love him so much it hurts, but I just feel so alone and am dreading going out tomorrow night for new year, i don't want to be sat there like a lemon again.
Has anyone got any advice to help me be more interesting and make people like me.
I just feel like there's no point in going out anymore, and i have come so far to get going out again!

Looby
xxx

[Karen]

Hi Looby

Sorry you didn't have a good time when you went out on Christmas Eve and to the Christmas do. It doesn't sound very considerate of your friends to go off to somewhere they know you won't go at present. What does your boyfriend do? Does he keep you company.

Sometimes when feeling uncomfortable we give off signals that we want to be left alone. I have social phobia and people has often told me in the past that they didn't think I wanted to speak whereas it was my shyness and anxiety making it difficult for me to join in.

Try to circulate and ask people questions about themselves or what they have been doing. Most people like to talk about themselves and to think you are interested in them.

It isn't possible to make people like you but I bet it is not true that you are not interesting.

Hope you have a good night.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[Piglet]

Looby hun - you just be you, we can't all be liked, all of the time, by all of the people!!!!!

Big hug

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[alexis]

Hiya Looby, first of all Well Done for going out, there are so many of us who dont even make the effort as much as we perhaps should.
Try not to worry about tomorrow night, Im sure your boyfriend will be with you. Spirits are always high on New Years Eve, enjoy it, let us know how you get on.
xxxxxx

love from Alexisxx

If I help one person today it was worth getting up.

[Quailman]

I often find myself feeling the same thing when I'm around people and they don't seem to be responding to me. The weird thing is I often shape my opinion on myself depending on how my last social interaction panned out. If, for example, I get on well with the people I'm hanging out with and they're laughing at my jokes and seem to like me then I usually walk away from it feeling pretty darn smug about myself.

If, on the other hand, I've been really quiet and not known what to say and people have wandered off due to lack of conversation then I'll walk away from it feeling like a complete loser.

But a few months ago I realised something. I was allowing my opinion of myself to be shaped by people who don't even know me. If someone has spent five minutes in conversation with you and finds you boring - WELL WHAT IN BLUE BLAZES DO THEY KNOW!!! You have to hold on to the opinions of those who do know you and care about you (such as your boyfriend) and keep reminding yourself that the only opinions that are really valid are the opinions of those who love you.

[looby]

My boyfriend has been great and doesn't leave me on my own, he trys to distract me with talking about obscure things, God love him!!!!
I know i shouldn't give a stuff about what others think, but I just wish I was like what I used to be like. And it hurts when i look in the mirror and think how this horrible illness has changed me so much. I hate it!!!!

My friend has been very apologetic since xmas eve, but only by texts as I haven't felt like going out, so tonight will be the night!

I am just going through a rubbish patch at the mo, I hate the way I am, how boring and dull I am, how ugly and fat I am (I make pavarotti look thin!) If you watch Little Brittain, I describe myself as Bubbles with hair extensions!

But enough of the self pity! Sorry all!!!!

Hope you all have a good night tonight.
And thank you!
Looby
xxxx

[Karen]

Hi Looby

I bet none of that description of yourself is true. This is just the result of low self esteem and a negative self image, both of which can be worked through and overcome in time.

Remember that no one person is responsible to keep conversations going and others often like it when people listen and take a genuine interest in them. I often have the same thoughts as you about myself but in reality most people are busy thinking about other things than to have negative thoughts about you.

Hope you have a good night tonight.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[looby]

well i tried and failed miserably. I ended up coming home at 10.30 pm in floods of tears.
I have tried to talk to my other half but he just thinks it's just a bad time of year for me (I lost my Gran 6 years ago at Christmas) so I am trying to convince myself of that, but I am seriously thinking about not bothering anymore.

I have got an appointment with my counsellor on wednesday so maybe she'll have some suggestions.

Thanks all for taking the time to listen/read.

Looby
xxx

[kate]

Oh Looby, you didn't fail at all. Just because you didn't stay out all night, you made it til 10.30, that's a success in itself. I didn't even attempt to go out last night, the kids went out partying and I went in chat for the night and hubby dozed on the settee [:I]

Please don't give up trying, avoiding will only make matters worse. I gave up a long time ago and consequently live a very restricted life.

Kate

[looby]

thank you all so much