How many of us are carers?

[bellabessnjet]

I hope this is in the right place:

I've read more than a few posts about people who care for others with disabilities.
I just wondered how many suffers are actually carers?
My son is 7 and has Aspergers diagnosed aged 3 1/2. He has associated problems due to tiptoe walking, squint in 1 eye, comes across as very disrespectful to elders, though he just says it how he sees it, often leads to comicall/embaressing moments!!!!
My hubby was also diagnosed as aspergers at the same time, age 45! Brought a whole new set of probs cause he thought he was 'normal' and everyone else different!! (typical Asperger lol!!!)
I just wondered how many of us are anxious/depressed etc due to the fact that we spend all our lives caring for our dependants and neglect ourselves to some extent, plus we have to deal in the real life and associated beaurocracy that we have to deal with.

[munkeyinblack]

I help my mother care for my diabled brother but i certainly wouldnt say he is the cause of my anx or my depression. If anything spending time with my brother liefts my mood, makes me smile and makes me realise how lucky I am to have a truly special person in my life.

The positives far far outwiegh the negatives and i think that our problems come from the mindset we have when dealing with problems not the actual things themselves

x

[leony]

My hubby has PTSD 2 grandsons have Aspergers high functioning very intelliegent but like ur hubby and son can b rude and sarcastic put down as naughty can b quite funny at times and very witty other times u could happily throttle them. All ASD people tell the truth as they see it i like that in a person better than lying and if people dont like it then thats there prob they should educate themselves about it, lots of famous people have and had it.

[bellabessnjet]

Thanks for replies, I dont think I've explained myself very well. I'm not blaming the people we care for for our anxiety/stress, more the fact that we have to fight for them to be excepted in society. My brother has downs and like you monkein black brings so much joy and pleasure to our lives, and like you leony I love the things both my son and hubby come out with and there truthness is so refreshing, endearing and at times brutal. Its when I have to deal with the 'establishment' Schools claiming the DLA etc, having to always put the worst case scenarios to get my point across. My son is wonderful, intelligent, funny, witty, truthful, but he can also be abrupt, violent outburstst, always want to win, expect things in a set way/pattern. Thats when other people need to understand and support us as carers. At the moment my Mun is fighting to get the support my brother needs, other areas have great centres for people with disabilities ours think they should just stay in the house.
I apologise if my first point didnt come across properly but I didnt meen that the people we care for cause us distress more that the lack of support, help and understanding is whats the problem.

[munkeyinblack]

I would definatly agree lack of understanding is a problem, even just lack of understanding about what we go through, never mind the extra pressures added onto carers.
Having to fight constantly for every bit of help received is never a good thing
x

[leony]

no offence taken on my part bellabessnjet know how u feel had 2 help my daughter fight 4 her children luckly i am a qualified special needs classroom ass so know all the rules and regulations mine happened after my hubby diagnosed dad died brother died and another bro diagnosed with cancer and his wife left him said she didnt marry him 2 b his carer nice woman on top of that working with children with serious behavioural probs didnt occur suddenly over a 12 year period. not looking sympathy just crept up 1 fine day and am now a lot better than i was and will go back 2 work eventually just someyhing with less stress

[ladybird64]

Hiya.

Im now a full time carer for my 19 year old daughter and my husband who also has health problems.

Although my agoraphobia and anxieties have been with me for more than 20 years and cannot be attributed to my caring role, I know exactly what you mean.

I too have had to battle (and it really is a battle) over the years with different agencies such as the benefits agency, Social Services etc. I can say with my hand on my heart that on more than a few occasions having to cope with these nonsensical red tape battles at the same time as caring for my daughter, I was pushed to the very edge of my tolerance level.

When I didn't want to wake up in the morning, I realised just how bad my situation had become.

Unfortunately I have come to realise that the very people who are supposed to help support us are often the very people that let us down..I have becomed used to fighting my own battles as I can't rely on anyone else.

I totally understand what you are saying about how behavioural issues can impact on our lives as carers so much, my daughter's condition also causes major problems on that score and I have sometimes had to go running into the Chat room here as I have been at breaking point.
There is no one else to talk to (its a rare condition she has) and when I have been trying to fend off someone hurling abuse at me and sometimes trying to attack me, I want to hit out.
I'm eternally grateful that I have friends here who know the position I'm in and can always help me to ride therough the crisis without losing the plot.

It doesnt say much for local services that carers are so isolated and often end up depressed or suicidal because of the pressure they are under.

[lisa-lane]

I'm a full time carer for a disabled relative who has had brain damage since infancy (she's in her mid thirties now).

I have been her sole carer for over half her life. For the 50 to 60 hours a week, I look after her, I receive the 'fantastic' sum of £53.00 per week, Carers Allowance. Yes, that's right - less than a £1 per hour.

I have no doubt the financial strain of this caring role, combined with the isolation it brings, has left me with the depression and anxiety condition I suffer from now. My GP agrees.
But, there is no one else who will do it, she trusts no one but me.
At the end of the day it's my choice and I could walk away. But I won't.
This government (and the one before) uses the love and compassion of carers to blackmail them into providing care on the cheap.
I salute anyone else here who is a carer and recommend this site:http://carerwatch.com/

Lisa

[bellabessnjet]

Amazing the replies of got, thanks everyone. Its seems that the lack of understanding and help is one of the main problems. Amazing how we save the government money and get SO little in return. Maybe we should all bombard them though I doubt it will be much use, yet if we got the proper help and support would we be as anxious? who knows. Anyway we do an important job for which we should be recognised for and I really admire you all.
Angela

[magic girl]

my 9 year old son has aspergers and adhd which can be very trying at times but i also think he is the reason i keep going and wont let my anxiety beat me