Feeling worthless/ low self confidence

[Littlefluffycloud]

Since I was a child I have had low self esteem and low self confidence. Lately I have felt worse about myself than I ever have done. I can't seem to get a job, I don't have any friends to hang out with who live near me and I haven't had a meaningful/proper relationship for years.

I've tried to build my confidence by doing some voluntary work, it seemed to work for a little while but any I gained seems to have completely vanished. I thought if I went and treated myself to a new hair style and some new clothes I'd feel better but I didn't. I hated the hair, nothing seemed to look nice on me and I spent the little bit of money I had put aside.

Amongst my friends I'm known as the ditsy one. I joke about it but it is hurtful, I can't help it. I find it difficult to concentrate and I'm extremely forgetful because of the anxiety. I'm also known as the lazy one because I often don't get out of bed until lunchtime. I have had problems sleeping ever since I can remember and usually don't get to sleep until 5 or 6 in the morning.

Nothing seems to make me feel happy. Many people have worse problems and this makes me feel very guilty. I desperately want to feel happy about myself and who I am but I just don't know I can go about it.

Any advice would really be appreciated.

[KK77]

Knowing that others have "worse" problems than us doesn't really solve our own problems though, does it? Don't feel guilty about the way you feel - depression and anxiety can make us seem lazy, incompetent and useless/worthless but there is an underlying condition here that needs to be treated.

I think you're at the point where you can now do something about this or carry on as you've always been, and the fact that you're here and have posted about the way you feel suggests that something positive can be done.

Visit your GP and explain how you feel. They may refer you to a psychiatrist (if you haven't seen one before) and through therapies that are available and perhaps medication you can move forward, because it seems that you've been stuck in a rut for some time now.

Hope you start to feel better soon.

[nervy-paul]

Littlefluffycloud,
I can understand how you feel. I too have had low self-esteem since I was young, and have always been shy, acutely/painfully so whilst in my teens. I too have done voluntary work, and it has helped build up my fragile confidence and self-esteem, but as you have probably found too, it can only help so far.

Socialising is a problem, especially if you are living in a rural area like I do. I too feel, what do I have to complain about when their are others worse off? You feel as though you're making something out of nothing, but you aren't, you cannot help how you are - you can only be who you are and do little things here and there that can and will help you. I know I didn't really give you any real advice, but I hope it helps to know their are people out there that understand how you feel.

Take care, and feel free to pm me if you want to.

[bluebottle]

I also have low self-esteem. I'm getting CBT for it and seeing a therapist. My low self esteem manifested itself by getting into unhealthy relationships.

[Downsinthenorth]

Yes, as Melancholia77 suggests, the first thing you need to do is see your doctor and tell them how you feel. I too suffer from low self-esteem and self-confidence, and I'm not sure whether they are caused by the anxiety and depression, or it is the other way round. Whichever it is, it is bloody horrible to feel like we do.

There are loads of treatments available to you, which your doctor will better be able to tell you about. Basically you have to work through them with the professionals and find out what/what combination works for you personally.

Remember that you have already proved to yourself that you have an inner strength that you can draw on, by undertaking the voluntary work when you were feeling so bad. Only a strong person could do that.

Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts. Aristotle

The man who makes everything that leads to happiness depends upon himself, and not upon other men, has adopted the very best plan for living happily. This is the man of moderation, the man of manly character and of wisdom. Plato

[Littlefluffycloud]

Thank you very much for the replies.

I have been avoiding the doctors for months, I hate that awful waiting room feeling and I have convinced myself that I'd be causing the doctor an inconvenience. I really do need to go and have a chat about my options.

I have suffered with anxiety for over 20 years so have tried a few things including CBT and medication. With regards to my anxiety they helped in the short term but did very little for my self esteem issues. I went to see a counsellor last year, (not via any doctors suggestion). She helped me see things from other perspectives and helped me feel I wasn't 'wrong' for doing certain things and feeling certain ways. Unfortunately the sessions had to finish and I went back to feeling very alone and unsupported. Does anyone know if it is possible to see a counsellor through the NHS?

Thanks again for the advice and support

[suzy-sue]

You can get councelling through the Nhs .Some Drs surgerys have their own councelling service .Your Dr will be able to tell you more ....I hope you feel better soon Luv Sue xx