"What is he thinking? I bet it's about me"

[Joonyer]

Hi all

I won't write an essay about it as there seem to be so many similar threads here - which I have to say is hugely reassuring.

I always found my worst problem was the dread associated with going on a night out - I would worry for the 24-48hrs building up to it, going over and over in my head all the things that could, and probably would, but rarely did, go wrong. I would get myself in a sweat, with stomach pains, pale, dry mouth, just petrified.

Over time I've nailed that thanks to a mixture of meds and experience, but does anyone else find themselves massively analysing everything they say, to everyone, ever?

I can't have a conversation with someone without thinking about how I came across - do I annoy them? Are they only nice to me out of pity? Now I've left the room are they talking/laughing about me?

You know that constant feeling that you've just messed up - damn, what a clutz I am, I must look a total idiot now, etc. Thing is, I know logically that this probably is rarely the case, but I still do it. In my job I have to have meetings with important accounts like major car manufacturers, Kraft Foods, Vtech (toys) etc, and I have to be confident which I manage - but underneath I'm terrified! This little boy in a suit pretending to be a grown up and not get sussed...

I make a joke to friends then think "Oh man you sounded like a right dick there" and I'll go over and over it in my head a million times until I've driven myself insane. Sometimes I'll get so low about it, wishing I could just be like everyone else, letting it bounce off and not taking every little benign comment as an insult. "I know he was joking, but there's always that tiny chance he was serious" - but even if he was, who cares?! Gah!

It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one.

The silver lining however, is that I'm now VERY self-aware. I'd much rather second-guess everything than be in total ignorance of my arrogance or something. It's one of the lessers of many evils I guess.

OH well.

Matt

[Dolan1989]

Sounds just like me. There is a woman at work who has never spoken to me, apparently she does it to everyone and doesn't mean to be rude but I still think she hates me.

The thing I most beat myself up about though is that in front of people I don't know very well I stammer and stutter especially when asked a question....making myself look very stupid! (or so I perceive).

You musn't be as bad as you think you are though, not if you've managed to land yourself such a good job.

I try to remember that the majority of people are so self centred they're probably not really listening that closely anyway, or actually notice if you say something weird...if you are indeed saying something daft.

Nat x

[Vixki]

Oh I do that as well. For some reason I always think everybody is laughing at me or hates me or whatever.
What I find helps is if I try to put myself in their shoes, like if I think I've said something stupid I think to myself, ok so what if I was here and someone came up and said that to me? Would I laugh, or think they're an idiod? The answers usually No. The same works the other way round, if someone says something to you, or 'ignores' you think of yourself doing that and the reasons it may be - ie, it's genuinely a joke, they're really busy right now, they're shy... Etc.
Well I find that helps anyway.

[Joonyer]

Hi both - thanks for your thoughts on this.

@Nat - Fortunately my desire to be a success/make money (not happened yet but working on it!) has overcome the anxiety side of things - after X amount of years quitting job after job (5 in a row) through paranoia, I got to a point where I basically had no life. It's so easy to fall into I guess.

@Vix: Agreed, I do that too - thinking "Does this person really care about what I just said?". Ultimately I think everyone's a bit too busy in the real world - sure there are nasty people who will say harsh things and think worse, but they're a minority, and why let a minority ruin your life?

I like these forums - nice to see people who understand. Few and far between in real life unfortunately.

thanks again
Matt

[NotResponding]

yep i can relate, though not in a buisness suit but you wrote exactly how i think alot of the time. "Oh shit why did I say that!' they think im brain dead' i usually do that.
and whenever people are laughing with each other, like sitting on a bench or whatever i think they're laughing at me every time, then i have to sort it out mentally and figure it out!

[hely]

Hiya everyone I am at the point of chuckin in another job ( even though i can do the job ) its the worry and anxiety of trying to communicate and talk to the rest of my team.... ive nothing in common with these people ( im not married have kids, have a car, have a mortgage or a house) thats all they seem to chat about I know ive put my self across as " hard person but im not im just left out of everything never get asked how my life is never brought into conversation most don't even say goodbye when i leave There is one woman who is a mouthy person ( yeah she has confidence but she is very patronising to people and it makes my blood boil too) i was off work couple of weeks ago cause i couldnt cope with all this and when i got back she just ignored me all day not even a how are you ... just nothing ( the rest where just as bad) just feel im out of my depths and alone ALL THE TIME ive got no other friends at work and just dread going in wish i could work from home but then thats just hiding away ( but id be happier is that what life is all about ??? h x