Hi Everyone, I haven't posted in a while, but I'm feeling a little banana's and need some reassurance. Last Friday I received a phone call from one of my best friends telling me that one of our mutual friends had killed herself, because of the shock and disbelief of the situation I freaked out and completely had a full body anxiety attack….knowing that it was an anxiety attack I rode with it….and felt better.
My problem right now is how do I stop myself from thinking or picturing the event unfolding? I wasn’t there, but my mind keeps taking me there to that last moment where she decided to end it all….why is my mind doing this to me? I am fearful that I will go that low, except I know in my mind of minds that I have never felt those urges before, how do I stop myself from researching every little symptom online, and diagnosing every little thing….how can I experience life in pure ignorance, and not look these things up? I can’t go back and help her?
Sorry, just venting, trying to deal with a tragic loss of a friend, trying to maintain my satiny and trying to control my anxiety.xoxo.