Recent Loss and need help

[Shanny]

Hi Everyone, I haven't posted in a while, but I'm feeling a little banana's and need some reassurance. Last Friday I received a phone call from one of my best friends telling me that one of our mutual friends had killed herself, because of the shock and disbelief of the situation I freaked out and completely had a full body anxiety attack….knowing that it was an anxiety attack I rode with it….and felt better.

My problem right now is how do I stop myself from thinking or picturing the event unfolding? I wasn’t there, but my mind keeps taking me there to that last moment where she decided to end it all….why is my mind doing this to me? I am fearful that I will go that low, except I know in my mind of minds that I have never felt those urges before, how do I stop myself from researching every little symptom online, and diagnosing every little thing….how can I experience life in pure ignorance, and not look these things up? I can’t go back and help her?

Sorry, just venting, trying to deal with a tragic loss of a friend, trying to maintain my satiny and trying to control my anxiety.xoxo.

[RosieXXX]

Hello Shanny,

I am sorry to hear the sad news about your friend, which has obviously come as a huge shock, and I think it is only natural you will be reflecting about her situation; I don't think you should try and block these thoughts; it is all part of the grieving process and you trying to come to terms with what has happened. I can understand these thoughts must be distrurbing, but I do think you will find they will gradually work themselves out of your system. You have never felt those urges before, and I do believe you know you won't go there yourself.

It is so hard to control anxiety, but one thing which definitely feeds it is googling and looking up symptoms. I think you have to be extremely firm with yourself and make a real effort NOT to google, easier said than done I know only too well, but remind yourself that each and every time you do so it is damaging your effort to maintain your sanity. You will notice that once you manage to keep away from google your levels of anxiety will improve, which certainly helps to break the cycle.

I am sorry about your loss.

[sb001f8994]

Hi.
Im really sorry for your loss, my sister in law died last week too. Im not much at giving you any advice on how not to keep picturing your friends last moments but have you got some happy photos or memories that you can replace your thoughts? If so everytime you feel you are remembering bad things replace them with your photos or happy images of happier times together.
We all deal with death differently, there is no right or wrong way and sometimes its best to just go with the flow and not surpress anything. Have you friends or family you can share your grief with?
Take care,

[spaced]

i don't think there's much you can do these thoughts about your friends death they are part of the process of losing your friend. I think you have to accept the feelings your have and know in time they will get easier. Over the last your I've lost two of my closest friends and have had simalar thoughts with both. It four months since one of these she was my neighbour at the time I thought I was never going to get that day out of my head from getting together with other neighbours to breaking in to finding the body to her body being taken away. It now four months later and I rarely think of those details and have manage to stop playing the day over in my mind.
For now things will feel really hard for you all these thoughts running away with themselves taking you with them but it will and does get easier and you'll find the thoughts of your friend replace themselves with better images.
Take care

[Shanny]

Thank you both for your responses, it means alot to me....both have brought up some great points, and will try to do these. I agree Googling is the worst thing to do, and as said Rosie "easier said than done" ;~) I had made great strides in keeping off the googling circuit for quite some time, but then the urge came back after my friends death....the only thing right now to keep me well and on track is to talk to as many people about it, I am not one to surpress my feelings......thanks a tonnes, for your kind words.

[eeyorelover]

My best friends son died a while back and I had this too. I think it's what if's playing with us. What if some random thing would have been different. What if I had been there. It really did throw me into a depression not only because it was so unexpected but if that could happen then anything could happen.
I started to worry about everyone around me.
I think maybe my brain was trying to make sense of it. To put some reason behind it.
But the simple truth is that there was no big reason behind it. It was a senseless tragedy and I just had to learn to live with the fact that life has no guarantees.
Scary thought!
But it's been a while now and I have made peace with it.
Just give yourself time hun.
Grieve and then try to move on.
That's really all you can do.
xxx
Sandy