Scary everyday

[hallam11]

Hello, I can understand what you are saying Lior. I do believe that if your family are open and supportive then telling them could help. Sadly I have told my sister about my fears before and she rubbished them saying dont be stupid and wont talk about it. When I was with the girl she knew and was awful to me about it so talking to my sister is a no-no.My mum is extremely closed minded and when I tried to talk to her and my sister about my ocd, where my bed has to be perfect they just laughed.My sister said I needed psychiatric help and my mum said it would even help her cause her counselling obviously hasn't. I can't talk to either of them about it but I would suggest if you can tell your family then do so it just seems for me they wouldn't believe me anyway or make fun of it.
x

[smudger]

Well you have us to talk to anyway. Maybe your sister needs to grow up. Perhaps when she has a child she may mature!

Great idea about volunteering with animals. Such a worthwhile and interesting thing to do. I hope you do. It will do you the world of good!

You know up until I was 23 I was a career girl (didn't have her til 31 and I had to have IVF). Never ever wanted kids before 23. Its only cause it felt right at the time. I ADORE her. It sort of completed us if that makes sense just like my sister 2 dogs complete her relationship! Horses for courses as they say! Don't give in to sterotype, you are not abnormal AT ALL! Just ignore this ridiculous attitude! Its your life, you live it the way you want to!

When I was really bad with depression I couldn't bear to hear kids winy screaming voices either. Nothing against them...just can't eat a whole one! lol!

Keep posting n don't forget we are all here if you need us.

[hallam11]

My sister and I have had a bad relationship since I was about 6/7 and I thought what with her getting married and me going to university and you know the usual growing up that she would just "get a grip" or something but sadly she hasn't seemed to mature or just not be judgemental.Thats what I do find hard how judging people are of others when it really has no bearing on their lives.

Thank you and I would like to say even though i am in the midst of one of my "down times" this forum and kind words from people like yourself do help and give me some hope and solice.

I am open minded about things and may one day decide I do want children or a child however I find it difficult even thinking of that because it usually triggers one of my awful train of thoughts where i just think I can't possibly have children cause of past thoughts. I guess its all part of the OCD and depression but I can't forgive myself for the thoughts or forget them. I don't know....i sometimes get scared that i am developing a deep dislike for children because i feel so uncomfortable around them and tend to avoid them and when they are there I resent that. It sounds awful.

Thank you x

[smudger]

You sound perfectly normal to me and its NOT awful! One of my closest friends always knew since she was a little girl that she wanted loads of kids...me....I wanted to be a graphic designer! Didn't really know what it mean't at the time!Can't even remember playing with girly dolly toys that much either!lol! Wouldn't life be so boring if we were all the same...? Be a bit like the stepford wives wouldn't it?Now thats a scary thought!

[hallam11]

Thank you Smudger,

I think that would be scary and I do think that everyone deserves to be different without judgement, its just a shame there is so much judgement and people saying whats right and wrong all the time. Don't get me wrong I know whats right and wrong but I think there's a middle too. I suppose its hard when you step away from the "norm" when there's folks around who disagree with everything you do!

I am looking into animal charities to see if I can volunteer.I think it would help me to get out. Cabin fever starting in!

[hallam11]

Hello,

I have to say i was feeling better all today and then night time comes, where I tend to feel worse and I do. (I guess this could be self-fulfilling prophecy) It hasn't helped that on facebook an old school friend has just had a baby and she has posted pictures on there.When you click photos on the right hand side it shows recent photos, she has posted some and one was of the baby just out of the bath or something and its made me feel very anxious and has really unnerved me. Because I don't like to see anything like that cause it tends to spur on my horrible thoughts, I end up thinking well If I look at it then it means I want to look at stuff like that and because I choose not to its always on my mind! Because I felt so anxious and didn't want to see it or any further photos I have deleted her as a friend. I just can't handle stuff like that. And now I feel worse....I tend to make some headway in trying to figure out my thoughts and then I end back up at square 1.I have been told this is normal of OCD however it is hard to grasp when your in the middle of it.Some times I think i'd be better off just locked up, no-one coming to see me or me ever going out.It makes me feel relief. I don't know how to deal with it really.

[hallam11]

If anyone could offer any advice or even like minded people who have similar problems would help me a lot.

I wondered if those who have really horrible thoughts could help me, I have had so many truly awful thoughts throughout my years of depression and OCD and I wondered if like mided people could see similarities? Sometimes when I am on edge or overly anxious then I know thoughts are coming and I tend to think them just to get them over and done with.Of course this then goes spiralling with me thinking that I want to have these thoughts etc etc. So I am thinking that I like these thoughts and I will then act on them.You see this sort of stuff gets out of control in my mind and just snowballs. Does this happen to others?Is this another aspect of my Obsessive thoughts/OCD? There was another question that I wanted to ask, is it true that if say someone deals with health anxiety and they are worried about getting an illness then they're mind will make them think or they will in fact get symptoms? I have horrible thoughts, of a sexual nature and I thought when I first got them that it was ok because I didn't feel aroused and then all of a sudden I thought I was or began overchecking to see if I was? Does that make sense? Could it be that I was so aware of it that it began happening? I am so confused and have a constant fear over these kind of things. Does anyone else deal with this or similar?

Please help or even tell me your experience

Thank you x

[hallam11]

Please help or even PM if you can help or offer any insight into this....It would help me alot. Lately I have been seeking alot of reassurance, been told this is part of Ocd but its hard to see its ocd when im in the "cycle".

[hallam11]

Hello again,

Im sorry to keep going on guys but today, well the past week has been pretty scary and really upsetting for me!!! I have just felt this overwhelming sadness all week, I decided to do some research again on ocd and im sorry but ignorance is bliss. As some may know some of my ocd comes in the form of disturbing thoughts and mainly about hurting children or sexual abuse and I was gaining knowledge about those kind of ocd thoughts when it mentioned something called Paraphilia. I went onto it and now I am so scared and feel sick that that is what I have! If you look at some of my last posts I have been very scared that I have felt some sort of arousal and this new piece of information has really unnerved me and scared me stupid.I don't know what to do,im completely lost!

[hallam11]

Please someone help me, I don't know what to do