Scary everyday

[charlotte83]

Hi Laura,

I haven't read all the replies so forgive me if I repeat anything anyone else has said. These OCd thoughts are horrible but they are just that, thoughts. The fact you worry about being any of those things means you aren't, in fact, people with OCD are often overly moral and kind warm hearted people which is precisely why we fear things like that so much!!
I have had OCD for 11 years and gone through so many obsessions I couldn't even count them anymore but it does get easier if you learn to recongnise its OCD and just let the thoughts be. I'm not saying its easy, it took me such a long time but it can be done. Have you had any CBT?

[hallam11]

Hello,

Thats where I get stuck, when people say people with OCD are highly moral and then I get scared Im not moral. When I hear a horrible story I usually don't feel anything, nothing at all and then I get a wave of sadness but there's no anger like other people get and that makes me worried that I enjoy the stories or find them right?Does that make sense? I just got so scared and had a really big panic last night that I was this paraphilia thing and these thoughts weren't ocd but actually im sexually deviant. No I haven't had CBT, i've had counselling but we tried to get to the stress behind my ocd but I guess if you aren't with the right person to deal with ocd it wont help? I just keep thinking if I am sexually deviant I would want it and I don't!! Is this OCD?

[charlotte83]

CBT is best for dealing with OCD. Counselling can help to deal with other stresses and problems that might make the ocd worse but it doesn't really help the ocd itself. To be honest theres no point in looking into reasons why you might have these thoughts because there is no reason other then suffering from ocd. Also, yes what you worry about is ocd. The fact you are comparing yourself to what others feel when you see a sad story goes to prove that. Sometimes when you say to someone with ocd, "the fact you worry about these thoughts means its ocd" makes them feel a bit better, but then the ocd just kicks in again and thinks "oh I feel a bit better, this must mean i'm not as bothered by the thoughts as I should be". it will try and get at you in any way it can if you let it.
Seriously, if you were actually xome kind of sexual deviant, you wouldn't even be posting on here looking for help, you would just enjoy the thoughts and not care less about what anyone else thought or if it was right or wrong or not. Just accept it is ocd and it will get better

[hallam11]

They just make me feel sick but then thoughts kick in saying no you feel aroused etc and then I'll consciously check!It goes round and round and now I worry because I've put so much importance on it then I am aroused etc perhaps not because I actually am because I don't look at children as sexual objects or anything but because my ocd has manifested physically.Can that happen? Because thats a big worry. Thank you for speaking because it seriously helps me get through the day!

x

[hallam11]

Hello,

Update: I had another panic attack this evening in my shower. I tend to worry either in the shower or at bedtime. Those are my 2 big panic attack places or times. I had a small breakthrough this evening just before the panic attack, I hadn't told my mum that I had been suffering lately.She knows in the past that I had suffered from depression but that was it.So when I started to feel bad again just before christmas I didn't let her know because I am the suffer in silence type plus my fears and thoughts are awful and sharing them make me very embarrassed and extremely scared! Anyhow since just before xmas I have not been in a job because we moved and I haven't found one since and I have been downish in front of people but kept it relatively to myself. I tried telling her about my "normal" ocd as I call it like perfectionism but she made fun so I was scared to say I was struggling and said no more. Now I have been very different today because of my flake out last night and I think she realises over the past few weeks I have been very down and quiet. So anyway back to the breakthrough tonight i was looking for therapists in my area and she asked what I was doing so i told her I was looking for therapists and she said oh,I thought you had to pay for those and I said well yeah some of them.She said well maybe you should speak to the dr about therapy and i said yes ok.She asked if I had booked an appointment and I said yes for Monday.I had been petrified of telling her, especially due to me being worried that she'd ask questions,ones which I don't believe I could answer. Anyhow just wanted to update that I had a breakthrough today and another panic attack!

Ta da! x

[charlotte83]

Aww sorry you had another panic attack. It is good that your mum seems a little more open minded about things. Maybe in time you could tell her a bit about how you feel? It is hard for people to understand but I'm sure she just wants you to be well and happy and will want to help. You could print off some info for her about OCD and try and explain how difficult it is. I didn't go into massive detail telling my bf and family about my ocd, but I did explain to them that my thoughts get stuck and it is really hard to switch them off.
Its good you have booked an appointment with the doc too. Tell them how distressed you are and ask if you can be referred for CBT. I haven't had it myself but I'm going to and I have loads of books on it. It is supposed to have a very good succes rate at managing the symptoms.
All of these feelings are OCD, its just once you become so focused on a certain fear, everything reminds you of it and it seems to be in your thoughts all the time but they do go. I'm having a bit of a bad patch at the moment with mine, obsessing that I might get dpression or might have it, even though I don't feel depressed. I am just trying to let the thoughts be there and hope that eventually they will fade.

[hallam11]

I can realise that I need help of some kind and I will ask for help. The thing for me is that I can't seem to get my head around that its ocd.I know logically it makes sense and that I have the obsessions and some compulsions but I find it hard that its actually an illness because for so long i've felt a dirtiness or somekind.I can see over the years I've had it OCD but I can't seem to pin these horrible thoughts to it,is that normal?

[hallam11]

Oh and I am sorry that you are having a tough time of it at the minute, if you ever need to talk please feel free to pm me or ask! I will try to help! x

[nervy-paul]

Living with ocd is never easy, and you do live with it, every day it is there in some form or another. Only by sharing the burden, on here with people who understand your pain and won't judge you, and also finding people in your own life who can listen and be there when you need a friendly ear.

[hallam11]

Hello again everyone,

I wondered if someone could offer some advice/support. I am visiting a new doctor tomorrow and I am really quite nervous. I have been lucky that I haven't necessarily had a bad doctor before where they have made me feel bad or not believed me. However I am really scared because these are new doctors and I haven't much said about my obsessional thoughts etc before. I suppose that may be a reason why I haven't been properly diagnosed before or perhaps haven't gotten the right treatment for what I have.

I suppose I am anxious because there is so much going around my head and I don't know how I am going to be able to even begin to explain it. Can anyone help?

x