Ok here goes

[bakes0310]

First of all id like to say thanks for making this site i think i will find it useful for my problem so here goes.

Im not normal....basically
My problem is that im very scared of doing lots of social stuff and also find crowds and open spaces eg town or shops very scary.
Ill give an example- when im in town on the very rare occasion i start to feel weird its sort of hard to explain but its like a scary feeling and i feel very conscious about myself, like im noticing the way i walk and and i keep putting my hands in and out my pockets and also it makes me sweat more. It also makes me feel like i want to get out of here so i walk pretty fast and and im just looking all over the place, just making me feel really consciouse.
Another example is when im at work and its break time and i go sit in the diner i feel extremely conscious as im sitting by myself, and thats the sort of example when i fear that my face is going to go bright red for no reason.
Which is another terrifying problem for no reason other than when im in the presence of more than one person i feel really unconfortable and consiouse which then brings on me going bright red lie a beetroot. Then its very horrible when you notice people are starring at you or making odd faces at you...and the worst when someone laughs and goes oh my god hes going bright red.

So i think thats basically my problem im not sure what it is called but its crippling my life ( i dont belive this im in tears as i right this) Ive got no freinds and when i do get some i lose there interest or i just dont keep in touch. I dont go out at all only to go see my mum ( i live with grandparents) and go work. I really want it to go its just makes me depressed to a point where occasionly i think about ending my life.
I know thats terrible but i just dont know what to do, ive even thought how i would end my life and i even think what im gonna write in my notepad that i would leave near my body.
Im sorry for sounding so dramatic but its how i feel plz help.

[freakedout]

Hello Simon,

I have just read your posting and had to reply imediately, I am sooo sorry that you are having a bad time.

Firstly, you are not being dramatic at all, when you feel this way it is overwhelming and you must be reassured that many people on this site have felt similar overwhelming feelings at some time or another. I am not trivialising what you are experiencing but want you to know that I fully understand how you feel and had similar thoughts myself only a couple of nights ago.

Secondly, what is normal? we all have our individuality which makes us special and unique, that includes our peculiarities. When you feel anxious or nervous it is so easy for us sufferers to focus on the uncomfortable feelings and become more self-conscious and self-aware. This heightens anxiety further and you get into the vicious circle of triggering more distressing symptoms and feelings.

You do very well to go into town and face your fears, the same applies with your job. Obviously you are feeling distressed and depressed and I am sure that you will get some very constructive feedback on this site to help and support you.

Have you ever been able to discuss your feelings with anyone? Perhaps taking a bit of time out from work and seeing your GP maybe a good starting point. Having said that people cope in different ways and you may prefer to be at work.

Express your feelings as often as you need to on this site, if it helps. There are some amazing people with loads of support to offer. Be kind to yourself. BIG HUGS ((((simon))) and take care.

Take one day at a time and post again soon to let us know how you are doing.

Louisa

[andrew]

hi bakes,

not to make light of your feelings, you've got anxiety issues, they are treatable, you can recover. well done for opening up and seeking help .. tc andrew

[chucklehound]

Hi Bakes and welcome to NMP where you will get lots of support and make some great friends too![^]

I hope that you start to feel better soon.

Take Care

Chucklehound

xxxx

[Dan]

hi there
please dont feel alone now you have got all of us on this site which will help you understand what you ae going thru and that will help you recover WHICH YOU WILL
take care and every time you get low come on here it works trust me
Dan

[angie3077]

Hi,
Everything you wrote in your post sounds so familar and you really need to believe that these feelings are not unusual to anxiety sufferers....although feel completely unusual to you right now.
Have you taken much time to scan over some of the posts in this site yet? I think it would help you a lot to realise you are not alone in this.

You will beat this problem, it will take time but I think you have made a good step coming here, the people are great and make a huge difference.
Good luck and have a good day

Angie x

[bakes0310]

Thanks for all the qiuck replies i found them reasuring that im not the only one out there.
So basically whats my problem called just social anxiety or have i got more than one problem.
So what triggers these problems then as im not sure if ive had all my life as ive never had many friends or i think it started when i got into college and thats when i had the problem with going bright red.
I do want to get better and want to be more social but ive always thought of being a not outdoor person anyway. The sort of people at work like football and drinking and of course being social. So what do i do pretend that i enjoy drinking and like football, and im afraid that when someone ask me about the team that i pretend i support ill look stupid as i dont know anything.
Thats another thing ive been doing for the last couple of years as well is just cant stop thinking about one subject for example im really into computers and video games so thats all i think about all day long, and its not really a subject id bring up in work.
Ive got one really good mate but i think im loosing him as he doesnt go work and i do so i only seem to invite him round my house every 2-3 weeks as because of the xmas holidays its been a while longer. And thats what makes me a bit consciouse as well is that he never phones me ive got to phone him so it makes me feel hes not interested in me. But i know he is as he cant stop talking and we always have a good time.
Ive also got a problem of talking on the phone as well i basically start to freak out out and mumble or say silly things and even begin to stutter. It gives me the same anxious feelings as if im out in town which is starnge.

[taf]

Hey, you will be OK, sweetie. I am almost 50, and have been shy and anxious all my life. You are wonderful company. Don't be afraid to be with the best person around...yourself!!!!!! Don't let others define who you are. YOu are a special and sensitive person who is very talented at computers and video games, and so forth. So what if you don;t like football and the pub scene, and so forth. That's what makes you special as who you are. They are special in who they are, too, but that makes them no better or worse a fellow than you. We've all felt a desperation at points in our life....everyone I know...panic attack sufferer, social anxiety sufferer, special or learning disabled students I've had, hhighly gifted students I have had, etc., has had those kinds of thoughts at one time or another. Just let those thoughts pass through you......Don't try to be what you think society wishes you to be. If you feel happiest on your computer or videos, then revel in that...and know that lots of folks enjoy the same!!!! Don't try so hard to force yourself into a label or role of what you should be, and how you should act with your mates, etc. If that mate moves on, then another will surely follow......Your special, and don't forget that! Remember, thoughts are only thoughts...don't let them hurt you.
We've all had them and been there...and we are fine and here....don't fear anything, sweetie. Things will work out fine!
Do you like exercise, weights, walking, treadmill? I love to lift weights, and it is a wonderful, solitary experience for me. Perhaps that would suit you?
Take good care, and pop in often. The people are so very helpful and kind here. Look in on the first pages explaining anxiety and the symptoms thereof....what you are xperiencing is quite normal anxiety related symptoms.
xxo, T

[Meg]

Simon

Yes, classic social anxiety.

You can get over it and the results will depend on the effort.

The internet is great for sussing out new people and new interests and information evven if you're not particularly interested but need to keep up to date with stuff.

Mind and many community colleges do courses in self confidence/social anxiety and you will be in good company and will learn skills and techniques to help

Unusual interests can be persued and online friends made which can then grow in an comfortable environment.

There are social groups like www.spice.co.uk where you can just do things that interest you and you can dip in and out without committing yourself to a weekly thing.

About the spaces and crowds - those come with exposure. You will get used to them as you do them more in your own time but you do actually have to do and become familiar in the environments even if you just stop by for a short while to start with.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[bakes0310]

Cheers for the reply and i hear what your saying by going out into social areas and that but i went to college for 3 years and im just worse off with people laughing and teasing me of this problem of going bright red. And i feel i didnt come over too friendly during thoes years as i was always anxious and scared.
Today at work it started off well as i sat in the diner on the busy time, but first of all i sat down like usual by myself and i noticed 2 people that i get on with. So i got up even though i felt quite anxious and sat next to them. I didnt say much for 30mins as i felt anxious and i went a bit red when someone said billy no mates but not on about me someone else.
But i also went a bit red again at break when someone from another table said something to the person i was sitting with even though it had nothing to do with me.
But after break i started to feel depressed thinking that im never going to be normal(i know you say what is normal but i think its someone whos social). I was thinking about making an appointment to see my GP but it got me even more depressed thinking how am i gonna make an appointment withought raising my familys suspicion. Also if i do go see the GP how am i gonna tell her and is he gonna take me seriosly. Ive been thinking of what to say and each idea i know will make me upset and ill look like an idiot crying (some man i am ive cried 3 times in this one week, i aint cried for years i suppose just talking about it). And finly for the last hour at work i started to think about my planned sucide and the notepad that id leave to say good bye to everyone.
I know its horrible to even think this and i know its a last last resort, but this anxiety and depression is eating away at me. Im hoping the gp would refer me to someone whos an expert in these sort of things or she gives me some pills which will make me better.