Ok here goes

[freakedout]

Hi Simon,

I am sorry that you are still feeling so throughly unhappy. You may feel some sense of relief if you do see your GP. She will not judge you and if you do break down and cry there is no shame in that. I cannot look at my GP when I go because of my crying scenes in the past and embarrassment, but remember we are only human.

Thinking about speaking to your GP is a positive step, as is posting your feelings and anxieties on this site. It shows that you are trying to address your issues, tough as it may be.

I am due to see a specialist in a few weeks and was advised to write things down for that appointment. I think it is a very good idea because then it does not matter if my mind goes blank or if I panic, or cry or sit there in silence for ages.

I am not sure that what I have written will help I am trying to be positive, when like you deep down there is a negative thing going on.

Take it easy and keep posting.

Bye, Louisa x

[alexis]

Hi Just to say welcome and I hope you have found lots of help here, .you will soon find you are not alone.xxxxxxxx

love from Alexisxx

If I help one person today it was worth getting up.

[Daniel]

Hi bakes

You are describing off to a tee what I go through, the self consciousness, blushing, excessive sweating and in my case panic attacks and my mind races. All of these symptoms especially the blushing are exacerbated by the way you feel and I shake, sweat and blush more. It literally ruined my life

The good news is that there is help out there, Things like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, counselling, meds and acupuncture have helped me not to just exist but to live to the extent that I think I'm 80% recovered. I still have my off days but I thought I'd let you know that help is available and recovery is possible.

[clickaway]

Hi Simon,

I was interested to read your 'story' as it reminds me of various things that I have encountered, especially when I was in my 20's. I am now 51.

For many years at work I felt detached from the rest of the crowd as I didn't feel at ease with others - I suppose even before I started working I didn't feel normal and this just created a huge barrier to being socialable.

I never sought help then, and to be honest I didn't know where to turn, but now I am wiser. Like you I didn't care for football or much in the way of sport, I didn't booze (mainly because my meds prevented me from taking much alcohol), didn't have any women ar even a car I could discuss with my male colleagues.

Eventually, I decided to go down the 'caring route', that is, I would go out of my way to ask after people to show them I mattered and could be appreciated by them. Then I seem to be accepted by them much more readily. Still not being a footie fan, I then went on to run the office's fantasy football league which improved my knowledge of the players at least, but more importantly increased my social standing in the office - I later ran the Lotto syndicate.

I managed to do this through my own will of wanting to be sociable with people, but I initially found it hard. You just have to go for it.

Because of how I felt, I must have looked 'a loser' walking in the street as I was sometimes called names by strangers - I actually look quite normal and so it must have been my expression and my body language. OK, even my dress sense lol.

Once my life came together, this did not happen as my confidence grew and walk proudly in the street now.

You have been given some good advice already, but I would certainly consider an interest that gets you out of the house more. Its not healthy sitting in front of a computer all day and some kind of exercise will be a good idea. Weights has been mentioned, but there is always swimming, or even walking - loosen those joints each day!

Try and work on something that makes YOU feel good, something that will make YOU proud of YOURSELF.

Cheers and keep posting,

Ray

P.S. Do you know this song by Whitney Houston originally by George Benson - think about it...

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all


Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[bakes0310]

Cheers for the replies everyone i had a real good day at work yesturday.
A mate at work that i used to know from school works there so ive been hanging round with him, and hes got the same interest as me.And i got a bit more confident and asked him if he wanted to go in town saturday and he said yes. So now ive made a new friend who i think i will get on with really well and the good news is he only lives like 5-10 minutes down the road
So i think im not going to have any depressing feelings at work now that ive got a mate to sit next to in break times.
Im on top of the world

[freakedout]

Nice one Bakes,

All the best with your new friendship,

keep in touch and let us know how it goes.

Louisa

[Meg]

Good to read this Bakes

*And i got a bit more confident and asked him if he wanted to go in town saturday and he said yes*

Well done for taking that step and making the effort ..Have good day today



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[bakes0310]

Hi everyone aint posted for a while. Everything has been fine ive been doing well. Now im back at square one, today at work i missed my lunch by 15mins so i went for it later which you cant do. I was up there with a mate just shooting pool. I felt all anxious and butterflied cause i knew i wasnt meant to be up here having my break this late. Then a bloke walked in and started questioning us why were up here, then i got really anxious and mumbling and answering stupidly.
When i finished my illegal break i felt all anxious and very depressed. And for the last hour and a half my shift was going bad with everything going wrong and i felt really angry. I started thinking i hope someone comes and has a go at me for having that late break, so i can just go mad and do something stupid and then just walk out the job.
I know that having a late break aint a big deal but it made me feel so anxious and depressed.
I came home with a tired sad and annoyed look on my face and all my grandparents think it is me having a hard day at work, and ill be alright tomorrow. Which is somewhat true that by tomorrow ill be right as rain and be a happier self.
My anxiety/depressions only come about when something happens at work or go out into town or other public places. But ive made a breakthrough about going into town to buy my stuff i know a better way.....i buy all my stuff on the internet its cheaper and i dont have any anxiety issues yipee.

Also i still aint seen my GP i dont think i could do it and i dont think i would get the response that i want, which is to be taken seriously and slap me up on some medication. Also im afraid that she would inform my parents or somehow they would find out what the medication is for then i would be faced with difficult questions by them.

I have been thinking of ways for my parents to notice that i got depression. I could quit my job and not get out of bed for days and not eat then they would do something about it like maybe arranging for me to see the GP.

[Alexandra]

Hi Bakes

Welcome to the forum.

As the others have said you are not alone in what your going through. I also feel worried & scared when ive ventured into town with my fiance or my mum. I feel i need space & if there are to many people around me i have thefeeling like im going to pass out not pleasent at all. Things are slowly getting better though.

I know they will for you to.

Take Care



Alexandra

[rois]

Hiya, hope you feel a bit better now you've had some replies. I know exactly how you feel and if you can you should try and ease yourself into social situations, I find using a walkman helps, try going for walks to the local shops etc and you should soon get used to it.

"Ther goes the fear, let it go. You turn around and life's passed you by, you look to those you love to justify...there goes the fear."