Day 1
today i woke up tense as usual. I have had this feeling everyday to some degree for the past 5 years since the onset of dreaded health anxiety. Man I wish I could go back to the days of simple OCD!
Last night was a nightmare.... In the low level light of the small bedroom of my house I thought I saw a lump on my neck in the mirror!
I tried desparately to resist the urge to check but I couldnt... what if this time I am going to miss something serious plus you were exposed to radiation in the lab remember (my mind says). My mind then races with fear.
before I have time to catch the thoughts in my mind both of my hands are wrapped around my neck checking and rechecking. I tilt my head backwards to get a better look........yeah that looks like a slight lump. Its higher on the left than the right. Its cancer!
My mind races as I think back to what the psychiatrist reminded me today 'your solutions have become part of the problem'.
Oh yeah I thought but I forgot to tell the doctor about the discomfort in my neck and she never felt it so how do I know im just seeing lumps because I keep checking! how the hell do I know if I should see a doctor or not. My next appointment with the specialist is in June- it may be too late then!
Bloody hell get a grip I tell myself I can not go on like this im 25 years old now and been held back for years. Through anxiety I have missed out on so many opportunities its unreal. Ive turned down opportunities to go out to awsome parties, holidays even potential girlfriends.
Well hopefully tomorrow I can try and put in place some measures to beat this c**p because if I dont there will be 3 things certain in my life death, taxes and wasted time due to health anxiety!
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