Am I suffering with OCD?

[lisa505]

Hi
This is really hard as I have never spoken about this before and finding it really hard. I do not know what is wrong with me but bear with me and I will try and explain. I am pretty much constantly down and have bad / obsessive thoughts. I have a lovely family and a good life but I am not happy. I have obsessive thoughts about different things as they change so fast. Recently it is about dying and celebrities that are dying recently. I am obsessing over it to the point that I am constantly checking the news and internet about celebrities that are dying or have done recently. I just keep reading the same articles over and over again and obsessing over them, I then think I am going to die too. I am verbally abusive to my lovely partner not all the time but when I have a (what I call them) "spell" or "attack". I get so angry at times I start to hit myself and throw things. These "spells" can only last a few minutes then I calm down. There was a point when I couldn't watch Eastenders as seeing the character Stacey Slater have her episodes used to make me panic and cry as it was like looking at myself. A few years ago i was in an abusive relationship and my ex partner physicaly and mentally abused me for 3 years, I managed to get out but I still have thoughts about what he used to do to me. Now I am with a wonderful man who finds it hard at times to deal with my behavior. I cannot find the strength to go to my GP as I am afraid she will tell me I am being silly. I feel better writing it down. I find it hard to cope with change at any level and increasingly finding it hard to cope when things / plans or routines are changed. I also have not been able to have sex with my partner for at least 4 months now as I cannot bring myself to do it as I never feel happy I just want to hide away. This is just what I am able to write at the moment if anyone can help me with any advice it would be much appreciated. Thank you

[nervy-paul]

Firstly, you have my sympathy - my heart goes out to you, and it is a brave thing to come on here and tell others, so well done on that. Their will be others on here who can relate and understand your difficulties much better than I can, but you are doing the right thing in writing down your problems and emotions - everyone needs a outlet for their emotions, and that is a healthy way to do it. From what you say, it does sound like some sort of ocd to me, definite similarities to my own type of ocd.

Welcome to the forum by the way, their are a lot of nice people on here, I hope you find the support and the help that you need here.

[kt79]

Hello Lisa

I feel very similar to this. I like you am not sure if it is OCD or anxiety. I will be fine for months and then will just seem to nose dive into a state of constant worrying thoughts and anxiety to the point where I can't sleep. I feel I need to find a way to be able to deal with this when it hits and not let it take over. I have a docs appointment tomorrow to discuss this so I will let you know how it goes. Hope this has been helpful

[suzy-sue]

Im sorry you feel like this Lisa ..I t does sound to me from what you have described you are depressed and Anxious ..Obssesive thoughts often accompany anxiety ...Only a Dr can diagnose you tho ..Your Dr will not think you are being silly .Please believe me ..You really need to get an appointment and tell her or him everything you have written here .Why not copy your post to save and that way you wont forget anything ..These problems are very common and are treatable .Depression should always be addressed as it can get worse and harder to treat the worse it gets ..Your Dr is there to make you well .thats what they are there for .So please dont put up with feeling like this any longer ..You arent the first to feel like this and you want be the last .Your Dr has heard it all before and will discuss the options of treatment either medication and or therapy /councelling to get you better ..Take care and Let us Know how you are getting on ,Sue

[lisa505]

Thank you so much everyone for your comments its lovely to know I am not alone and I am seriously thinking of going to my gp now. I am glad I found this site and I will let you know how I get on and I hope this will help others too x

[gtrgrl3369]

I am sorry to hear what you have been through. Have you checked out the PTSD section. Being in an abusive relationship for so long can set of feelings in you that you never knew you had. Probably a lot of misdirected anger and blame. Good for you for getting out of that situation. It can leave a lasting impression on your brain for a while, writing it down can help but is there anyone you trust enough to tell what you went through. It is very traumatic being with someone who abuses you. I hope everything works out for you. Take care and lots of hugs to you

[lisa505]

Hi everyone
I went to the doctors today after gaining the courage at last. Mt doctor has referred me for councelling and thinks it is post traumatic stress from the abusive relationship I was in. He does not know yet whether the councelling will help me or not as it may be too painful to open up old wounds so to speak but I am getting the right help now after all this time. I urge anyone to go to their GP as they wil help you. I am also getting help for my self harming which at this stage is not serious self harm but has recently started to affect me. Thank you to everyone for your support you have helped me greatly