Ok, so in the space of 4 or 5 months I have gone from anxiety free to being mentally, in a bit of a pickle.
I think I am suffering from depersonalisation/derealisation (though not fully sure, I'm still convinced I have something nasty going on in my brain, a trip to the neurologist in a weeks time because of my buzzing feet will hopefully help to address this!).
My mind is working on overdrive for large parts of the day. Just lately, I've started to freak myself out with completely irrational and non-nonsensical thoughts. I've become anxious about being alive I think!!! (I'm definitely not suicidal). Its hard to put in to words...Its like I have become scared of the vastness of space we live in, and how we are all completely exposed (like agoraphobia I guess, but being inside doesn't seem to help much when this panic happens). The worst part is, there is no where to hide. Sometimes I'm lying in bed, and I begin to get this almost overwhelming panic in my mind that I'm here, the space around me feels like its closing in on me, and although I'm in the comfort of my own bedroom, outside of these four walls, we live in a vast space of nothingness. I feel I have to cling to something.
Everything seems really vivid and in my face.
At the same time, I'm also getting a horrible feeling that I'm trapped within my skin, without the ability to perhaps step out for a while and take some time to wind down. This also turns my mind crazy. Sometimes it feels my head will explode with these crazy thoughts.
Last night I went out with a few good mates. Despite being in good company, having a good time etc, I couldn't help but look around at everybody, and they just seemed like prawns, or robots filling a space. I felt cut off and lonely. Even watching people on tv can make me feel weird.
So to summarise... Ive developed an irrational fear of being trapped inside my overly anxious body, but at the same time I've developed a fear of being overly exposed to everything outside the boundary of my own shell. WHAT?!
I guess I'm just looking for someone to kick me up the bum, maybe a few words of advice.
The doc gave me propranolol because I told him my brain felt cut off from my limbs and it was making me panic. I have become conscious of a lot of movements. Other than that, I take no medication. I dont want to be reliant on pills (although Ive read how they have changed peoples lives), I never used to be like this and I hope its just a passing phase, but I'm struggling to see a way out of this silly mind frame.
Im a healthy 23 year old male, with no history of mental illness (that Im aware of!!) This has been going on for a couple of months maybe now. I am due to move out soon and live with my girlfriend somewhere different, this means finding a new job also - big changes I know. I've thought this might be the reason I'm feeling so anxious. But then again Ive been through anxious times in the past (big deadlines at uni etc) and Ive never been like this before.
I know therapy is an option. Its something Ive never had before, nor has anyone I know, so I'm uncertain about it and what people would think of me?
Any ideas?