Freaking out about...BEING ALIVE

[micheal88]

ive been there and it did get better.. i got to the stage when my arms moved on there own lol i got through it an normal again... however 2 years on im going through a similar feeling anxiety is crap lol but it passes

[lecb]

Wow. I am feeling exactly the same. I keep convincing myself I am crazy.

I feel claustrophobic in my own body. I am trying to make sense of the world and me, and what life is.I can't and it panics me. I panic about being me.

I am afraid to go out and do things, because it's just me, and all the responsibility I carry and i'm afraid i'll make the wrong choices. No where I go I can escape myself. That terrifies me.

I've just started uni, a medical degree, i'm in a wheelchair (10 years illness) and i'm feeling pretty lonely. My Grandad died last year and since then it's made me think about life and death and what is consciousness. Doing a medical degree when you are in a lab with cadavers doesn't help either.

All of this along with self-loathing and OCD makes me want to escape my body, but I can't.. i'm stuck as me, and it frightens me to be alive.

I want to understand things i know I can't. Tomorrow i have a day full of lectures, but I don't know if i can face it. I can't sleep now and when i wake up in 5 hours time (if i can get to sleep) then i have a whole day of face of not just the anxieties of life, but of living detached from me and in me. No matter where I go i'm going to have to carry all these horrible thoughts, and i don't want them when i'm in the middle of a lecture and afraid i'll have a panic attack when everyone can see. I'm worried i'm so introverted i'm going to implode.

Please say i'm not alone, and not insane? I am so convinced I must be crazy.
Ellie

Ps. Please tell me it gets better. I can't go through much more.

[Nigel]

Hi Ellie,

Lots of people try to make sense of life and the world, and many make a lifelong career out of it. I watched a Horizon program earlier about ‘What is Reality?’ It’s hard to understand most of it but some people have some pretty bizarre theories – much bigger and weirder than anything you or I would think of. Parallel universes, and particles that can be in different places at the same time – but only if we don’t look at them, and that our 3D reality could actually be a 2D holographic projection from the edge of the universe. Crazy but fascinating ideas.

And the bottom line is, they don’t know either. At one point he even said as much – that they don’t understand the models and theories they’re coming up with.

One of the last comments was that it’s human nature to ask questions and want to understand things. So I don’t think you’re alone and I don’t think you’re going crazy. Try not to worry about it – it’s simply human nature, that’s all.

Take care
Nigel

[StarryBlueGal]

I had this recently and at the moment I don't think these things but I am relieved that I am not alone. I simply dismiss these thoughts, and it's not good to think about these deep thoughts, I have told this to my friends, they said they think the same too. So I think everybody will go through this in some point of their lives. I think my anxiety makes me think more deeper, and I panic easily. I had this last Christmas but now it is passing. I hope not it comes back.

I suggest that you keep yourself busy and don't think things like that as it will make you more ill. Don't watch programmes to do with our existence in life etc. I got scared when I see myself in the mirror and question, why am I here and why am I in this body, etc. I suppose it's natural to question human existance.

Good luck everybody.

Starry xx

[phil06]

This has been a worry for me recently

[fishman65]

I get episodes of this too Phil, though mine is usually when 'anxiety proper' as I call it, is fairly low. Anxiety has a tendency to make us introspective, I think DP/DR is a manifestation of that. What I try to do is think 'ok yesterday I felt so unreal, but did it stop me functioning?' The answer is usually no

[FrankT]

Sometimes I have that feeling. Like, how do I stay as one person? Why don't I suddenly become someone else at will? These sort of cerebral questions haunt me from time to time. I keep asking myself these questions, but I don't know the answers!