Hi all,
I developed anxiety and started having panic attacks in December, it all started with getting frightened by my landlord's dog when it was banging on my door (I didn't realise it was the dog at first, thought I was getting broken into, live on my own in converted garage attached to landlord in rural area) Major panic attacks ensued, spent the whole Christmas period unable to eat, sleep, or relax. Whereas I used to love my home and being alone with my cats, now I dread going home in the evenings. Am on anti-depressants and have had 2 counselling sessions so far.
Found Claire Weeke's book invaluable and started to feel better. But then the landlord got another dog (the previous one was stolen/ran away) and it sent me spiralling into panic again. The dog is tiny, I feel so stupid being afraid of it but every time it barks I panic.I keep thinking it's gonna hurt the cats, I freak out every time one of them is missing, which is ridiculous as they are farm cats and so won't stay indoors all day (they do come in at night most nights which means I relax then)
I used to love being on my own, loved where I live, have been there 6 years. I've thought about moving but then what would I do with the cats? I'm doubtful as to whether I'd be able to rent a place that would accept them, especially as they are outdoor cats and to train them as indoor cats would mean locking them in for a long time till they got used to it, if ever.
I hate being so afraid all the time and feel so ridiculous for feeling it. It's hard to keep up a facade in front of other people but if I didn't have work to keep me busy I'd definitely fall to pieces.
Please tell me there's a way I can stop being afraid without resorting to moving or leaving my cats??
It got so bad in December that I actually considered getting the cats put down, I don't think I could live with wondering about them if I re-homed them even if I could find homes for semi-wild farm cats. I'm the only person that can handle them and even then it's not easy.
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