Complaints Box: post your daily moans...

[pulisa]

Oh Catkins...How absolutely shocking for you and most of us just freeze when we are in emergency situations. You put her in the recovery position and that was crucial. You were on the spot for her and that meant that the alarm could be raised asap. You're not a doctor and she needed a defibrillator. The doctor-so fortunately- was there within an incredibly short space of time so life support administered by you wasn't absolutely critical.

Please don't give yourself a mental kicking over this? If you'd turned away and ignored her collapse thinking she was drunk wouldn't that be far far worse?

[pulisa]

Also doctors just go on auto pilot and do these things routinely. For you it's very different and highly traumatic after what you have been through emotionally just this week xx

[Catkins]

I guess I'm so used to kicking myself it just clicks in. I've been trying to reassure myself that I did all I could do in that particular moment. Feel a bit wiped out by it.

Had a brief moment when I thought 'I need to train to be a first responder so that I know properly what to do', then I realised that I really don't want that kind of responsibility.

I have eaten a considerable amount of chocolate this afternoon.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Catkins, hang on you did do something. Most people wouldn't know what to do. How many would stand watching? At least you tried.

If it had continued for longer wouldn't you be calling for help? Then you would have been taken through the process to determine what more you could do and most likely directed to the nearest defibrillator. Using one of those must be a daunting process for the untrained.

The woman was so lucky to have you to try to make her comfortable until help arrived. I doubt she would be complaining. She was so incredibly lucky a doctor was passing.

Yes, we kick ourselves in these situations. I've had a few myself and always spent hours overanalysing my "performance". I think that's natural and also part of our mental health issues that we go a bit too far with it. My situations were lesser emergencies than yours and I wasn't prepared for them. One I was in a complete mess with anxiety and pretty detached from it but the the fact is there is something inside that says "try" because it's who you are.

I think when you get past the current spike of emotion you will see this a bit differently and be kinder to yourself. The training doesn't make a doctor capable of responding in an emergency, it's the exposure to emergencies. They aren't hindered by adrenaline. They can be detached because they've learnt how to handle it. You can guarantee they weren't that way early on when deployed as juniors to hospitals and it's one reason why medical training puts them there in the first place.

After the events I had I thought the same: I need some training. I think that's again natural for many people and we do have our issues with control. It made me think of basic first aid training. It made me consider my physical ability as one event needed some strength to free a bloke stuck under something.

[Catkins]

Thank you both for your reassuring words. I'm going to try to not be hard on myself.

[pulisa]

Remember that cartoon which your counsellor sent you? Be a friend to yourself? I think your mum would have been proud of you today. You kept your head and did the right thing. Thank goodness she was where she was which was next to you in and outside in a public concourse. Thank goodness she had medics at her side within minutes. Without you the alarm would not have been raised. Maybe you could think about that crucial bit instead of ruminating on your "failings"? xx

[pulisa]

I guess I'm so used to kicking myself it just clicks in. I've been trying to reassure myself that I did all I could do in that particular moment. Feel a bit wiped out by it.

Had a brief moment when I thought 'I need to train to be a first responder so that I know properly what to do', then I realised that I really don't want that kind of responsibility.

I have eaten a considerable amount of chocolate this afternoon.

I'm sure you do feel wiped out. You are probably very shocked too. Anyone would be let alone someone who is recently bereaved and who has to confront a traumatic event.

[Catkins]

You are so right about the cartoon P. Struggled to get to sleep last night. I'm going to have a quiet day today, do the things I know will help me come to terms with this and try to comfort myself.

[pulisa]

This is about "coming to terms" with your perceived "failings". Remember that these "failings" are perceived by you and you alone. I expect that the lady will be extremely grateful to you for getting her expert help. I know I would feel forever in your debt if this happened to me and I was at the mercy of strangers. You don't need to feel guilt at all because you think that you didn't come up to scratch...Your standards are very high of course and this is our downfall when it comes to self compassion

[Catkins]

The lady rang the station today and thanked everyone for their help. I'm so pleased she's doing well.