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Thread: "Tell" new friends or "pretend" to be normal...?

  1. #1
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    "Tell" new friends or "pretend" to be normal...?

    my problem is not PA's as such but more a constant state of anxiety, taking over most days of my life. I can't seem to relax and walk around in a daze, constantly worrying "will I meet someone superior to me, will I say something stupid, can they tell I'm shaking", etc. My skin/face feels constantly "tingly", ive read the description of a feeling of "heightened consciousness". I worry costantly about EVERYTHING. I can't seem to hold convesations which involve me replying more than twice, get all tongue tied and say the most ridiculous things, or even worse just look blank. I have a great partner, loving family, a brill best friend and a good life. These feelings overcome me not only when meeting new people, but sometimes when talking with my best friend too!

    It's affecting the way I am with my kids, more and more I'm sitting them in front of the TV as finding it hard to even be "real" with them - sometimes they do the silliest things I want to laugh out loud but CAN'T, my face goes all funny and tence. I think I've forgotten how to relax and laugh but I so want to.

    I desperately want to have nights out and let go but its hard. would you recommend telling people how you feel or not?


    Thanks

  2. #2
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    Yes tell them. There's nothing to be ashamed of. IT's not like u r the only one in the world with that prob. If people aren't kind and understanding then ditch them. People like that aren't worth being around.

  3. #3
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    i tolally agree with smudge,true friends will always be their,people
    who understand make better friends
    bishop

  4. #4
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    thanks to you both. I can hear myself saying those words of advise to others but ... it's always different when trying to listen to them yourself, no matter how much you know its right. The thing is it's probably a certain bunch of new found friends who I'm concerned with whether to tell or not as its them who I get most het-up about and I'd want to explain why I sometimes go a bit odd. But, do you think being as I'm only just getting to know them, meaning they don't yet have that "good friend" loyalty that I might scare them off? I mean they don't know me so well and its so easy to gossip, say when they're at work, especially when you don't have a certain loyalty to a person?

    thanks again. x

  5. #5
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    Howdy CB. I would think after only a couple of times of meeting u they would be able to decide wether they think they would get on well enough with you to bceome friends with u. So I would tell them u have panic attacks. If they are cool with it then that's good u know that u have a new friend. If u tell them now and they aren't nice/understanding towards your situation then at least u found out early on that these are people u don't want to have as your friends. Always be proud of who u r!

  6. #6
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    hi cb
    friends are strange people,you never know,think i told some one at work once and found that they also had panic attacks.
    in fact six people in said i suffer from them as well,i was amazed,then worried i told them,but after say i suffered from them i felt better,then they all said you dont look the type too suffer from them.think you would be amazed who does suffer from them

  7. #7
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    Bishop- I am with you there. At my lad's school- i got friendly with another mum. I felt ok with her- because she displayed anxiousness too. ( I wonder...do we target people less confident than ourselves??? who we feel superior to??)

    And now we laugh about our stupid habits/ rituals. But we have never openly agreed we are both sufferers!
    I'd guess more people suffer from a social phobia/ anxiety than we realise.

  8. #8
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    Thanks to you all Bishop, Joanne & Smudga
    You are all right, sorry to be so doubting. I think you're right Joanne in that we target certain people and gain confience through this thus being able to talk/meet a wider bunch whom we'd normally be "scared" off speaking to. As a person, I'm a bl**dy analytical Virgo and its a pain , I try not to be but can't help it most of the time - I think personality/upbringing has a lot to do with it to, well for me anyway.

    Huge Thanks to you all xx

  9. #9
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    Hi Charlie

    I totally agree with the others about telling your new friends. I have been amazed at how many people suffer from anxiety or panic attacks. Once you open up, you enable others to open up also.

    If you do not get the reaction that you hoped for, then your new friends are merely acquaintances and not the friends you thought.

    But I bet you will be pleasantly surprised. I find its the people who appear the most confident that are the main sufferers.

    Wishing you much happiness with your new friends.

  10. #10
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    Hi all
    I had no choice whether to tell or not as some of my mates were with me when i had my 1st attack and then i hid in my bedroom and wouldnt come out for 2 weeks cos i was so scared so it was a bit obvious!!!
    Since then my hubby has had to make excuses for me not going out so now everyone we know knows whats wrong with me. A good thing has come out of it though as a casual aquaintance's girlfriend has just started having panic attacks and has left her job and thinks she's going mad and the 1st thing they did was call me for advice. This makes me feel good knowing i have helped her and they would never have known if i hadnt been so open!
    Sarah
    xx

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