Need help im struggling

[Boxerharvey]

First of all I just want to say that this place is a saviour, I have been visiting these forums for about a year and a half but this is the first time i have posted and all you people who post here put so many peoples mind at rest and deserve a big thank you.

I have suffered from what the doctors call anxiety for about 5 years, ive had all the symptoms you all suffer from and have been in and out of the doctors and put on so many different anti depressents which most of made me feel so bad I couldnt stick with them,

The last 2 years I have managed to cope a bit better with my symptoms and have been anti depressent free for about a year, I still get a few bad days here and there but not as bad as 5 years ago. That was until 2 weeks ago, for some reason i have been suffering from headaches and head pains and pressure, insomnia (when I do sleep no mattter how much sleep I get im still tired), depersonlisation, confusion and feel like im going mad or am going to have a breakdown or something. When the symptoms start I keep telling myself its anxiety but im really starting to doubt it can be and nothing I can think of has triggered it as im not under stressed,I just feel so bad sometimes the last 2 weeks have been hell. I excercise 4 times a week which helps but the fatigue is making it hard to even do that.

I really dont want to go back to the doctors as I get fed up with being fobbed off with anti depressents and told its just anxiety. I feel there must be seriously something wrong with me as I just feel so bad, I have had ECGs done all clear and saw a neuroligist years back who also told me that I do not have a brain tumour and its just anixety, can it really be all in my head?

I did alot of drugs in my youth (14 years ago) and I worry that all these symptoms I get are all induced from long term damage and I am suffering from dementia or something and that I am going to feel like this for ever.

Sorry for the long post just need a bit of assurance from people that understand what I am going thorough because all the doctors I tend to see dont.

[Maj]

Hi Boxerharvey,
Anxiety is such a powerful thing. It makes us suffer and think all sorts of things. You do sound as though you've come through the worst of it though, but we must remember that, even when well,, there is no such thing as a life free of anxiety. I think we tend to forget that at times. Hence we take every thought and feeling more seriously and think that we are still as bad as we were. You are not going mad, you sound as though you are under stress again. Although you say you are not, sometimes our bodies have a way of letting us know. Are you maybe doing too much? Because it all catches up with us. I think you should stop worrying about what you did in the past as you've also come through that. We've all done things in the past that we wish we could change, but there's no point dwelling on it. The title of your post says you are "struggling" and struggling makes recovery more difficult. Struggling to feel better just brings more anxiety when you don't instantly feel better. Have you read any of Claire Weekes' books? She explains the anxiety disorder exactly and shows us that the way to recovery is acceptance that your symptoms are anxiety and not to be afraid of them as that what keeps them going. Please don't despair. You can turn a corner. You've already come so far and the fact that any tests that you've had were okay is reassuring. Try not to be afraid of your symptoms and they will gradually go. Even if they come back now and again it just shows that you are under stress.
Myra x

[Straw Jacket]

heya Boxer harvey, sorry you are having a badtime at the moment. I also did a lot of drugs in my youth which is what triggered my anxiety in the first place.

The fact that you think your getting dementia or something similar generally means that you are not, people who get these afflictions do so without knowing that they have them.

In my personal experience my anxiety has changed symptoms on me several times, each time feeling different to the last. Try and keep yourself busy and try some breathing excercises to help calm you down. I completely understand what you are going through, and have had all the thoughts and symptoms you have described.

Your not alone out there mate, hope I've helped a little

[ectopicsufferer]

Hi Boxer

I also did drugs n my youth and 20s to be honest and its only the last few years that i sort of grew up and thought u cant keep having manic weekends, i believe also that what i suffer now probably stems from some of the crap i have taken over the years and what i definitely know of anxiety is that as soon as you seem to either beat or cope with 1 symptom another 1 develops.
Lastly never be worried about going back to the doctors if i feel i need to go then i go its what they are there for, also if you are not happy with what your doctor is doing, try and see another one, at my doctors they have locums all the time so i tend to see one of them and get a different opinion.
We are all in this one big boat together and i always think whatever i am going through there is someone out there going through the same.
Hope that helps x

[Boxerharvey]

Thanks for all your kind words of encouragement.

The thing is when I feel fine I think how stupid i am to get so worked up about my symptoms and then when they kick in I convince myself that its more than anxiety.

Booked an appointment with the doc for next week so back on the anti depressants no doubt.

[NeverRelaxed]

i feel confused too at the moment. so you are not alone. I feel detatched and weird...also cannot keep my thoughts in order. sometimes I feel as though my thoughts become nonsensical ramblings...words and things just pop into my head randomly..Can't process or absorb information properly so reading is a bit difficult at times...Its really scary!

GP just told me to forget abt it!