Cant do Funeral's.

[Desprate Dan]

Well i suppose to be at my Aunt's funeral this afternoon, i have been extremely anxious for the last week about it, i deceided i would go, but today i just cant go through with it....

My Mother said its okay its no problem, the thing is i would like to go and pay my respects but i know the effect it will have on me i think i am going to be sick or pass out and i will get so over emotional i just cant face it, family members may think i just dont care but that is not true, i care a hell of a lot, i just cant take the strain it puts me under and fear of breaking down infront of everyone.. I am not a bad person but i feel so guilty for not going...

Dan

[Thumbelina]

Dan - i am sure your relatives who have common sense will understand if you dont come. It can be very hard for an anxious person to attend funeral.

take your mams word...

[Desprate Dan]

Thankyou, i can still pay my respects without attending the funeral, i am sure my Aunt would of understood and would not want to see me go through the stress it would cause me. It doesnt mean she won't be in my thoughts, just i cant deal with the whole occaision.. Just hope others dont think bad of me.. DAN

[Maj]

Hi Dan,
Some people just hate funerals. It doesn't mean that you are disrespecting anyone by not going - it is a personal choice. Sometimes we just like to remember people as they were. Don't feel bad about it. It's the same as some people who absolutely hate hospitals and would do their utmost not to have to go near one!! You have your own feelings and memories about your aunt and it's what's in your heart that matters.
Myra x

[KK77]

I really sympathise Dan. It's a difficult choice to make and people that really know you will understand your reasons and that you do care. I wouldn't worry about the people that don't know you and may incorrectly judge your actions.

You can pay your respects in your own time. As Myra said, it's what's in your heart that matters, and all the memories that she left behind.

[bottleblond]

Hi Dan

When my dad passed away (nearly three years ago) i never went to his funeral due to my agoraphobia. I live just outside Edinburgh and he lived in Sandhurt so there was no way i could have gone. I too felt guilty and still do at times but sometimes things are just outwith our control.

There are many ways you can pay your respect to your aunt so please don't beat yourself up hun!

Lisa
x

[Desprate Dan]

Thankyou all so much for your kind words they mean a great deal to me. I feel alot better now. DAN

[margaret jones]

Well Dan like you stated you will still be thinking of her and that is ok , i am sure she would have understood your reasons . Just try not to worry what others might or might not think the reasons you where unable to attend you know you where thinking of her

Please Take Care Maggie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Desprate Dan]

Thanks Maggie, your kind words are much appreciated. I am working very hard at CBT to stop myself being so self critical, just have to keep reminding myself not to beat myself up, i didnt attend the funeral for a good reason, i am not going to be hard on myself my aunt and thd people who know me will understand my reasons and thats what matters.. Onwards and upwards from now on. DAN

[PoppyC]

Hi
Funerals are never easy even for those without anxiety. You are certainly not a bad person for not going! What if you had lived in Australia or wherever and couldn't get? Its ok not to go.
I don't know how I got through my parents - It was just a sickly emotional blur. To be honest, it was just a formal thing to have to go through and actually bore no relation to my parents. It was dark and gloomy and I am sure my parents would have hated it too!
I suppose it is easy for me to say please don't worry about not going to the funeral, however, a funeral is just a chance to say Goodbye and pay your last respects, but you can still do that without actually going along.
Could you have your own personal private Goodbye?
Hugs to you.