Just checking in!!

[katalyst85]

WELL HELLO EVERYONE! i came across this website after googling 'Citalopram'! like a maniac looking for every bit of information on the drug, bad idea!! then I found this site which I can just tell I am going to be on all the time.

So your probably wondering wats up with a 25 year old mum to 2 babies?!!

I wont bore you with the details cause your probably already just scanning this anyway looking for the juicy bits but basically the story goes, I left my family home 4 years ago after years and years of physical and mental abuse which really put a dent in everything that I am. Plucking up the courage to leave was the hardest decision ever which has ultimately been the best one. So 4 years down the life with 2 children of my own I found it very hard to let go of the past and everything I ever do comes right back down to it you could say my confidence was bashed etc. I thought that having my babies would make everything go away but while its a better life I still get this niggling feeling in the back of my mind that having no contact with my mother for 4 years after everything she did to me still leaves me unhappy. She has never met my children and that bothers me that one day it will be too late. I have trouble switching my brain off it goes into overdrive at night and wont shut the hell up, I think way too much and in detail about things. Ive hurt people Im closest too by not trusting them and tarring them with the same brush. I swore I would never end up like her but I just do exactly the same as herI lash out and name call and thats not me! she turned me into that coz thats all ive ever known.My mood swings are unbearable to live with and I dont know how people put up with me! also having my two babies close together hasnt helped the situation, its sooo hard and while I wouldnt change them for the world it does get me down at times. Nearly 2 weeks ago things got so bad that my babies daddy moved out of our house n wouldnt come back till I got help and to be honest I knew he was right I had been living like this for years and it was never going to get better unless I did something. I can honestly say he has helped me endlessly n support even taking the day off to come to the doctors with me. My GP prescribed me 20mg of Citalopram to try and suggesting I see a CNP and when I left that room this almighty weight just lifted off my shoulders that I had been carrying for years. Finally the ball was rolling and people were willing to listen. This is day 11 that I have been on Cit and I am already noticing its effects and so are others when I go to think negative things etc my mind switches if you like. I think me and Cit are going to get on just fine! where were you years ago?!! you would have saved alot of heartache! Anybody want to talk to me I will be glad to speak its done me the world of good it could you too

[nomorepanic]

Hi katalyst85

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[Veronica H]

Katie. Glad that you have found us and so glad that Citalopram is working for you. It is none addictive and leaves the system very quickly if/when you no longer need it. It should be phased out gradually for this reason. I felt the same when I started taking Citalopram in that I thought 'this is how I should be feeling'. I take a low dose 10mg now which keeps me out of depression.
I had a really terrible mother and a dreadful childhood as a consequence. I was on anxious and on red alert from a young age trying to look after my younger siblings, which left me unable to trust people and also I was a negative 'what if' thinker.
You might want to consider some counselling before you let your mother back into your life although I understand that it is hard to raise two young children, but there is no guarantee that she will become the mum you deserved all along.put yourself first and take care.
Veronicax

[katalyst85]

thank you veronica so much!!
makes such a difference to hear from people that have gone through the same experiences. i am feeling pretty optimistic at the moment regarding my future. Im just a bit confused at letting my mother back in my life because I feel she will never change or get the help she needs too. I should be happy with the life I have now, I managed to escape from her and the terrible things she did but it always comes back to her, im letting her ruin my life by constantly thinking about it I think talking about it is the way forward, I have to try anything for the sake of my babies I dont want them to be sad people, its a vicious circle, my mums mum was bad to her so she was bad to me and theres no way Im harming my children! its got to end soon I wont let her win

thanks again
katie

[b00mzx]

Hi, as you replied to my post, it's only fair I return the favour...... Welcome I hope you find some support, and maybe even some of the answers too..!

[katalyst85]

HI! THANK U yes I hope u get wat u want out of this 2 even if its just an ear to bend!

TAKE CARE