Crisis - Anorexia

[Piglet]

Hi ya hun,

Like Nigel says you do have a choice to take or not take any tablets and your poor old bod has taken enough of a hammering with the laxatives as it is.:(

You need (like us all) to become your own best friend not your own worst enemy[}]. You have done nothing bad therefore nothing needs redressing. Edie is evil[}] - Karen is good[8)].

We all think you are the bees knees on here - stand back and look at you as you really are.

Big time hug that could have us in casualty[:O]

Piglet xx

[Karen]

Hi Piglet

How are you today?

All the time I feel so bad about myself and the fact that I have pathetically given in and binged again, I feel like I need to punish myself. The only thing that helps to make up for this is to physically hurt myself and that's why I've taken laxatives - sorry [:I].

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Edie is evil[}] - Karen is good[8)].</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I am not sure where Edie ends and I start anymore. Sometimes I think she has taken over completely.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Big time hug that could have us in casualty[:O]</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Lol! At least there is no food in casualty [Duh!]

Sometimes I think I am going mad with all these thoughts and taunts in my head. I know they are just thoughts but I cannot ignore them. I deserve and do need to punish myself :(

Karen x

[alexis]

Hi Karen, there is nothing I can say that hasent been said, but i would like to re inforce you are not bad at all, you are a lovely and kind person and valuable to many on here for your wonderful advice. Take care.xxxx

Most of lifes battles are won, by looking beyond the clouds to the sun:
and having the patience to wait for the day,when the sun comes out and the clouds go away.


love from Alexisxx

[Karen]

Thank you Nigel and Alexis.

I am so sorry for all the trouble I am causing and I don't mean to cause concern.

Wish I could get back in control and stop going from crisis to crisis. I'll get through without doing anything too serious to myself, as I always do but I wasn't able to resist the laxatives. Guess I just have to wait for the effects of these now [xx(]. Being physically ill will take my mind off the emotional distress for a while at least.

I keep trying to break this cycle but cannot find a way of doing it and then I take self-destructive action again. Being alone all the time doesn't help because Edie's thought take over and she dominates me. I try to eat sensibly but then every few days I end up bingeing and the self loathing takes over again.

Although I don't want to tell my doctor how much I am struggling or what I am doing to myself, I will see if she can help with the funding problem so I can get some treatment as soon as possible. I don't want to live like this anymore, but I don't want to give up either. I'm just at a loss to know what to do or how to cope.

I had everything under control and knew where I was going and what I was doing until these recent events. Now I am trapped in a constant cycle of despair and hopelessness.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[Quirky]

Hi Karen,

You're not causing trouble and if we are concerned it's because we care about you.

Ok so you've taken the laxatives, that's done now, but please do not take any diet pills aswell, it's not necessary. I wish you could break this cycle too Karen, that's why I suggested telling the doctor how bad things are in the hope she could get the funding sorted quickly. At least she may be able to help with the sugar cravings.

Anyway just know I'm still thinking of you. I hope you don't feel too ill later.

Lisa x

[kairen]

Hi Karen,

Just wanted to let you know im thinking of you, i know how hard this is for you and to believe that is not your fault, for that you need special help which in your case has been nil, i still cant believe after all this time you have not got the help you so badly need.

I hope you take in how much people think of you here, and that no matter what you do to yourself that will not change

take care



kairen x

[Karen]

Thank you both again [8)]. I don't know how you all put up with me. I'm really overwhelmed with the constant support I receive here. I'm so lucky to have you guys. I don't know what I would do without you.

Lisa: I have prepared something in writing to give to my doctor tomorrow. I am torn between wanting to get some help quickly and I know it is getting urgent now, and not wanting to say anything too bad that might make my doctor think I can't afford to wait for funding approval to come through. I don't want to end up in hospital or in an NHS unit somewhere.

Although I've taken laxatives I did stop myself before I took as many as I took on Tuesday night. It was only a couple less and I'll still get diarrhoea but probably not as bad as yesterday. Once I start taking them I just keep swallowing them usually. I'm not even thinking about what I am doing to myself. All I can think about is getting rid of what's in my body.

I haven't taken any diet pills yet. There's not exactly much point today. I've already binged and the damage is done now. If I'd had them first thing this morning maybe it would've been different.

I'm trying to listen and get rid of them but what does this actually achieve? I've flushed pills away before but then have another crisis and order more. I need to find a way of having the pills here and being able to resist taking them. I don't know if I can do that though.

Kairen: Thanks for your support. It's very much appreciated.

It's at least partly my fault I haven't had specialist help before, but that's because the only NHS help would have meant going into hospital.

Sometimes it is hard to see what, if anything, will help really.

Karen x

[Quirky]

Hi Karen,

Well done for writing something for your doctor tomorrow, I really think you should give it to her, it may spur her on to get the clinic funding sorted out quickly. Once she knows about the sugar cravings that may explain some things too. I'm so glad you can see that things are getting urgent.

I'm glad you didn't take as many laxatives as the other day, and well done for not taking any diet pills today. I think you need to get rid of them and then find a way to not buy any more, all the time they are in the house they are a temptation.

Karen I wonder how you put up with me sometimes too! Lol. You are not hard to put up with though, as you're such a lovely person and have been a huge support to me, for which I can't thank you enough

Take care,

Lisa x

[Karen]

Hi Lisa

I have explained in the note to my doctor what has been happening but an edited version. I realise she needs to know I am struggling but I don't want her to think it is too urgent that she has to act straight away. I have asked if there is anything she can do to help the application process for funding move more quickly.

I hope she can help with the sugar cravings. I think that might help quite a lot at present.

There wasn't much point taking diet pills after a binge. The tough bit is avoiding taking them before I've eaten anything. I resisted ordering any more for some time until things got too much this week and I became overwhelmed again. It is so easy to get hold of them so the temptation is there constantly.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Karen I wonder how you put up with me sometimes too! Lol. You are not hard to put up with though, as you're such a lovely person and have been a huge support to me, for which I can't thank you enough
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Ditto!!

Karen x

[Piglet]

I read somewhere once that if you dip the tip of a wet finger into some sugar and eat that and then wait 10 mins it will curb a sugar craving.

I have no idea of the validity of that since I am more of an all of nothing sort of girl myself.

I think human nature is such that if we deny ourselves something then we want it even more - so I don't deny myself anything and that way have no desire to binge on it.

Obviously your relationship with food is related to using it as a weapon to hurt yourself with by either denying yourself or going completely the other way. If we could get you to see you have no reason to hurt yourself then we would be well on the way to sorting this out.

It's the people who have hurt you that have the problem - not you - you are punishing yourself for their shortcomings.

Another big casualty squeeze coming up[:O]

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.