lonely+weary.

[bellalew]

hi there,its been a while since iv been here, iv plodded along and treid not to let things get me down,but today its all crashed on me,so im here moaning,i spend alot of time alone as my hubby is at work(to much) im a workmans widow!!,i dont go out so to speak,i yust have walks with my dogs and dont have freind as such,i had to finish work 3yrs ago due to r\a,and since then my anxiety has got worse,i cope best i can,but im weary every day nothing seems to makes me happy and i know my personality has changed,i dont smile or conversate much,i yust cant be bothered,and im sick of crying,you will probly think in being soft,theres alot of folks worse than me and hope iv not angered those that are.iv spoken to my hubby and asked if he will spend a little time off,so we can have time together and go for rides out,i dont drive,but all i get is,who will pay the bills if i dont work,he works 7days a week and when he comes in he has his tea,has a nap,i understand he is tiered,but then gose to bed at 10 leaving me sat again on my own,its been like this for yrs but when i was working,it didnt seem to be much of a problem,i try many things to busy myself at home but the lonliness takes over me and its dragging me down causing my depresion to be worse,i dont know what to do about it,im crying away as i write this,im so fed up,the lonelines feels like an illness,am i being selfish and soft?,do i need a good shaking up,what? dose any one else out there feel this lonely.or is it yust me being a mardy,i seem to have lost myself.x

[nervy-paul]

Hullo,
Let me reassure you, you are not being selfish, soft, mardy, or any of the other things you said about yourself. It's not easy coping with anxiety/depression even when you have people there to support you, so spending too much time on your own will make it feel all the worse, I know because I have done much the same in my time. Getting out with your dogs is excellent, so you're not doing too badly in getting out - they always need walking!! It is also a great way to meet people, and to feel less trapped by 'those four walls.'

Don't be hard on yourself, give yourself space, and give credit to the little things that you achieve through a ordinary day.

Take care

[Worrier]

Hi bellalew,

Oh dear it makes me very sad to read your post, but I do understand it completely. Obviously things are not going to change with your hubby working all the time so the only person who can change things is you. Maybe join a support group or volunteer just a few hours a week, just to get out to meet some new people and have some conversations. You said you don't drive, if you have a good bus service in your town then it shouldn't be too difficult to get to places if you are okay with going on the bus.

I also know how very difficult it is to get out and meet new people, I moved to the USA from the UK 17 years ago and it was probably the most lonely time in my life. I didn't work for a few months and felt so isolated and cut-off from everybody in surroundings that were very unfamiliar. I still find it quite hard to meet people here so the other week I joined a meet-up group for ex-pats and went to a meeting (totally out of my comfort zone) but it was fine and met some great people and can't wait for the next one.

Sometimes we just have to put ourselves out there and go for it. I think you need to reclaim your life and make a life for yourself outside of the home.

Will be rooting for you to find the confidence to get out and about and just think if you can do that you will feel better about yourself, self-esteem will abound and maybe then you will be happier at the times when you are at home alone.

Take care
Natalie xx

[onceagain]

Hi Bellalew

I don't think you are being soft, I think you are genuinely hurting. I know how you feel sometimes it is even more lonely when you have someone in the house but still feel by yourself.

I agree it is great you are getting out with the dogs, maybe look to start a dog walking group there is one in my local area .. they just all meet the same time in the mornings with the dogs and stroll round the park chatting.. it is company for them and the dogs get company too ... they have been doing it for years so it seems some great friendships have been formed and if I didn't work I would go along too. I've a soppy spaniel who loves to play and I think it is nice for them to be a dog sometimes... if you know what I mean.

Tell your husband that you understand that money is needed but it is making a divide and explain how lonely you are feeling, tell him that you are missing him be honest with him... How about doing something like avon or betterware no its not great for money but it will get you out on the days you can cope without huge pressure.. maybe get some treats for yourself too.

I would say try to find activities that you can do alone.. build a group of friends that you can turn to sometimes when you are up to it.. maybe an exercise or art class if you can get to one.

But most of all please realise that you are sooooo not alone.. there are many of us in the same situation... my partner loses his temper and so I can often sit in a house where I should feel safe and yet feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo alone... why don't you do a romantic meal ... and run a hot bath to share or else just wash your hubbys back... make him feel important too..guess he has a lot on his plate now the income has all been put on to him... don't take that as a knock, far from it ... I hate going to work it is a real struggle everyday.. and I love the team I work with but my anxiety goes through the roof..another story.. anyway my partner is adamant that I can't give up so be pleased that your hubby is prepared to work such long hours to look after you the best he can.. remember he may feel lonely too and you may have got caught in a rut.. make it something really nice that makes him feel special too ... good luck (((hugs)))

[bellalew]

thankyou all guys for your lovely careing replies,your advice is right and starting tomorrow ill get started to,your right i am in a rut and lost myself but only me can get out of it,and i will see about local groups i can go to,the dog walking is a nice idea thankyou all again.xxxxx