Pregnant and tocophobic

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Harli I do hope you get the right support with the decision you have to make. My baby was conceived via IVF and I was told told that I could have my baby any way I wanted if that meant a C section I could have that too. I really dont think that they can refuse you especially as you have been considering a termination because your fear is so strong. I wouldn't wait for the phone call as obstreticians/gynaecologists are notorious to track down. Find out who he/shes secretary is and arrange an appointment via her. Best of luck

[Harli]

Hi

Thank you for all your support, it really helps. Still no call today so I called the GP. Unfortunately she is only part time and won't be back in until a week tomorrow. The receptionist said I would need to talk to the practice secretary who deals with referrals but she had left for the day so I have to call back tomorrow and she will then decide if another GP can chase up the appointment for me or if I just have to wait. I will ask her if I can call the consultants secretary and book an appointment myself. I have done that before with an appointment for my husband's knee problem, GP said they hadn't been able to get hold of the secretary and she must be on holiday, I called myself, got through straight away and booked an appointment no problem, and I wonder why I don't trust GPs! All this stress is really hard to deal with and it just feels endless. I am so worried that the consultant won't take my fear seriously, I know the GP referred me to her specifically as she was known to be sympathetic (she even checked her choice with the GP in the practice who specialises in obstetrics) so I am probably worrying about nothing but I have that awful GAD symptom of thinking that I have to worry about something to make it turn out OK. I really envy people who get pregnant and are just happy, I want to be happy too but until I get this sorted out I can't be.

[peach]

hi harli,


im seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. my mw is also very kind and aware of my tocophobia. i feel like i am now getting the help i need to get through this. it did take a while to get it tho. i was about 16 weeks by the time i finally found some really good people to become my 'team'.

you will get through this and find the support and you will get what you want. were all on here to support you also, so hang in there

[joannap]

hi harli

i am absolutely sure that because of your fear - you will definitely get your c-section. unfortunately - it is usual for surgeries/consultants to take their time in getting back to you - they do not seem to take people's emotions into account and the fact that someone is desperately waiting and every minute seems like a day - so please try to sit tight - i am sure you will get the news you want soon.

and how wonderful to be having a baby after all this time - meant to be i'd say!

i had a friend with severe tocophobia - she was literally climbing the walls with fear with both pregnancies and is now loving being a mum of two - they are plenty of people out there who feel exactly the same way but they have got through and so will you xx

[Harli]

Hi

I am in a right state at the moment. I called the GP this morning and was told the letter had been faxed on Monday and a reply was received the same day saying that the consultant declined a telephone consultation and that hospital policy was only to deliver by c-section for medical reasons. So all that waiting for a phone call was in vain because no one was going to call me anyway. I asked if I could call the consultant to arrange an appointment to see her and was told she wouldn't see me until 20 weeks which is too late. I have now been told to contact a midwife for more advice so am waiting for her to call me back. I am now convinced that I am going to have to have a termination, I can't risk waiting until 20 weeks to then be told I can't have a c-section. Why isn't tocophobia considered a valid medical reason, I am not making this fear up, I am honestly and truely terrified.

[peach]

hi harli,

keep finding people till you get heard.
your reason IS a medical reason so dont worry. just keep harassing them and stressing your intentions and im sure someone will be able to give you what you want. dont give up. you still have a few weeks to sort this out.

i know that if i threatened my mw that i was going to do something dangerous, i know she would book me in for a ceaser....


our phobia IS def a medical reason...so dont accept anything else...keep us posted...

[Harli]

Hi Peach

Thanks for your post. Things are actually looking a bit better. The midwife called me back (she was really nice) and I told her what had happened and she said it sounded as if the consultant wasn't at all sympathetic and probably wouldn't agree to the c-section. She then said that not all consultants are the same and some are truely sympathetic, I asked her if she knew any and she gave me the name and number of a consultant at the other hospital in my area (smaller and alot more friendly). I called his secretary this afternoon but she wasn't working so I bit the bullet and asked to speak to him direct. I started by telling him about being tocophobic and how I really wanted a c-section and he straight away said "that shouldn't be a problem", at which point I am ashamed to say I burst into tears and told him the whole story and about how stressed I was. He told me not to worry and to book in with a midwife who would make me an ante natal appointment with him in the usual way. I feel 95% better but still have this niggly "am I sure I can trust him" feeling (I get that alot, I find it hard to trust people). My husband says of course I should trust him because he wouldn't have said it shouldn't be a problem if he didn't mean that. He did sound so nice and understanding and when he told me not to worry I did feel that he meant it. What do you think?

[mary3]

Hi Harli i am so glad you have found some support. Im 100% sure he wouldnt have said it if he didnt mean it, there would be no point as he is wouldnt be gaining anything from saying it. Anyway i know you wont feel better untill you see him in person, but take some reasurrance from this phonecall. Theres no shame in crying or admitting your stressed, at least then he has got to take you seriously. I hope you get an appointment soon to ease your worries xx

[Harli]

Hi Mary

Yes you are right, he wouldn't have said it unless he meant it. I am feeling alot better today not totally panic free though, I keep getting the odd moment of panic and then I have to remember that he said not to worry and it shouldn't be a problem and then I feel better. I actually felt better enough to bake some cakes today and to do some cardmaking (stress relief hobbies). I'm going to see the midwife next week and will ask her how soon I can get an appointment with the consultant, I think it may not be for some weeks but maybe if I tell her how stressed I have been she might be able to book me in early. He didn't actually say I had to wait to see him, he just said to book in with the midwife and then get her to book me an appointment at one of his ante natal clinics. Husband is feeling alot better too, I didn't realise how much this was stressing him as well so I feel very guilty about that. He said he was just worried about me though and he only wants me to be happy. I am so lucky to have him, he is an angel.

[mumof4]

just wanted to say i dont have ur fear but i do understand how ur feeling am 10 and a half weeks pregrant, i have had alot of panics over the past few weeks worrying about the baby.

goodluck and dont give up if u fight hard enough u will get ur c section.