A childs anxiety

[jill]

Hi all,

I am in need of a little help right now.

For those of you who don't know me.
I came to this site suffering Pa's, high anxiety, living in fear 24?.
Beacause of this site, all the information on hear and the specieal people who post threads and reply to them. I am now pa, high anxiety free.

My daughter suffered pa's, anxiety from the age of 3, she is now 12.
Up untill last tuesday she was dong very, very well.
However on tuesday in school she had a pa, which lasted for awhile and her anxiety levels stayed high till she got home :(

I have found out what triggerd the panic. It was soemthing to do with feeling unesay with some of her lessons, not the work, just in the lessons.
The school have been soooooo helpfull with Hannah and have put alot in place for her to feel comfortable.

Wed's, it took me all morning to get her to school, but she went in the end, after dinner.
Thur's, again it took me all morning of talking to get her to school, went after dinner again,
Fri, She went into school in the morning but had alot of anxiety symptoms :(

BUT I have hit a brick wall. Today Monday, SHE WILL NOT GO TO SCHOOL.
I am at the moment waiting to hear from Hannahs head of year.
I have talked to one of the mentors in school and they have been helpfull, BUT how am I supposed to get her into school????
I have tried everything, apart from shouting at her becasue I don't think me getting angry will help her.
I am angry with myself becasue I know up in my own head how to change your thought patterns, BUT at this moment getting it acorss to my daughter is sooooooo hard :(

I know that if I can get her into school, get her over the anticapatory (sorry about the spelling) anxiety, she will, I hope move on.

I am at this moment thinking of getting her therapy, but talking to Hannah she DOES NOT want this.

What can I do?

Its a waithing game at the moment to see what the school can come up with.

In the mean time what do I do?

Should I tell her that she can't play out? becasue she has not been to school. When my kids are sick, they are never aloud to play out if they have not gone to school, BUT she is not sick, you know what I mean?

Should I stop her from whaching TV, while she is not going to school
I have switched the tv off, but this as made her go up to her room and she is just sitting on the bed doing nothing. Am I doing the right thing?

I don't know what is right or what is wrong, my heads all over the place.

Please is there anyone who can advice me what I should do?
I know its a blip, but its getting bigger and bigger and I need to sort things out now before it spirals out of control.

Many thanks for taking the time to read this.

LOVE JILLXX

[kate]

Hi Jill,

Reading your post is like reading a post I could write about my Hannah.

I sympathise with you so much as I have a hard time getting Hannah to school as well. If she does a full week, we more or less have a party [:I].

As you know, Hannah will not do any of the work that has been given to her by the Psychiatrist and until she does so, will not receive any further help. If your Hannah is so against therapy you may find you come up against the same problems that we have. BUT, anything is of course worth a go.

When Hannah stays off, she watches telly and goes out on the evening if she wants to. I might be wrong in my decisions, but it isn't ill like having the flu, so if she wants to go out I let her.

Is there someone available at the school that Hannah could report to as soon as she gets there to give her the comfort of someone looking out for her and who could reassure her if she is feeling panicky? Maybe she could go to a quiet area or room with this person until lessons begin.

We all know that the more Hannah avoids school the worst she will feel and the harder it will be to get her back there. But how horrible it is when they are so panicky and scared and we have to send them off all upset.

Have you heard back from the school yet?

Love Kate

[Dan]

hi jill
im afraid i dont really have any advice to offer i would not stop her going out or watching tv as she must not feel like she is being punished and also i think by her staying in she might start to feel anxiuos going out i suppose you must just persevere hope all goes well the rest of the week
Dan

[Meg]

Jill

*It was soemthing to do with feeling unesay with some of her lessons, not the work, just in the lessons.*

Do you have any more detail ? Is it concerns about feeling trapped, teasing, not being able to leave a room, being put on the spot by the teacher, feeling silly, having PMT ????? It could be any one of these or one of many others and for each of them something can be arranged to help so really encourage her to try to pinpoint what it is that is causing this in more detail.

Whatever it was, hasn't got better during the last part of last week when she did go and she has been ruminating about it all weekend until it seems to be far too big to her to even tackle thus the refusal today.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Piglet]

Hi Jill,

I have a 14 year old who would much prefer to be at home with me than at school and like Kate we sorta have a party if she does a full week[:I]

I actually have a couple of friends where this is also true so its not always down to Hannahs ocd.

I wouldn't punish because I think you need to keep things as normal as poss and not make it any bigger (I know me and my friends have found this hard cos it can be so frustrating).

If she can keep everything else as normal as poss it makes it easier to slip back in. Could she have some of her school friends over so that all that remains on good terms. I'm not suggesting party time or anything but we all know how friendship difficulties can cause problems.

See what the head of year has to say but rest assured many many mums will know where you are coming from on this one and boy teenagers are so full of self-doubt and hormones that the way some of them speak to each other I don't think I would want to go to school!!!!

I sometimes wonder if I have made my kids way too soft - they are not perfect but I know they wouldn't ever intentionally set out to hurt anyones feelings.

Having said all that it maybe nothing to do with the other kids or anything like that, there are so many reasons and suspect it could be a combination of lots of them.

Hang in there and let us know how you get on (it may help us too lol)

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[nomorepanic]

Hi Jill

Is there a teacher that Hannah particularly likes that would be prepared to meet her at the school gates so to speak and take her to the lessons?

Whilst she is at home I would let her watch TV and not be too hard on her. Let her have a couple of days to settle down then re-address the issue and tell her that she needs to go back to school once you have talked about things. Yes - let her go out to play as well. I know she is off school but as you say she is not sick as such.

Above all let her know that she is not bad for doing this or panicking and I know deep down that you will do all you can to help her.

We are all here to offer all the support we can so let us know if you need any more help etc.

Nicola

[clickaway]

I'm hardly qualified to answer this not being a parent, but it does remind me of my ex-girlfriend's daughter who would not attend class because of some issue. It wasn't panic attacks or bullying, but had a psychological problem in attending class because of the people there. Maybe it was a hormonal thing, I don't know.

But I know she saw the child/school psychologist and in the end she had special tuition at different school. I'm happy to say that she got her GCSE'S and is settling down very well at college.

I really hope that you and Hannah can resolve the issue fairly quickly, as it is stressful for you especially and does not do her 'mind' any favours.

I don't think you should be too hard on her, as denying her aspects of a normal life may add to her problems. But I can see both sides.

I hope when you see the Head of Year, you will be granted some expert guidance on how to deal with it all.

Big Hugs,


Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[jill]

Hi Kate, Dan, Meg,Piglet, Nic, Ray.

Thank you all soooo much for replying to my thread.

She has still not gone to school :(

There has been sooooo much going on hear at the moment, Me talking to Hannah trying sooooo hard to reasure hear. The school have put alot in place for Hannah.
Someone to go to if she needs to, anytime of the day.
They have given her a time out card, if she feels uneasy she can go out of class for 3 mins.
She has always had a toilet pass to go when she wants to.
The mentors have said on the phone that they have sorted out where Hannah is having the problems. She can go to them of a morning if she needs to.
They have put a 15 min session onece a week in place to teach Hannah how to breath, something to do with listening to a tape as well.

To people who dont understand Hannah's problems may seem little but to her they are soooo big it is stoping her from going to school.

These are her problems.
I have sat with Hannah this morning and go through her hole school week.
Yard, dinner time and break.

Sometimes feel uncomfortable, in both.

English,

People who I sit next to hit me, sometimes and throw things at me.
Sometimes cannot get on with work because kids are talking to loud.
I feel uneasy if I cannot hear the teacher talking, because I cannot
Do the work he has asked us to do because I have not heard him
When he is angry because all the other kids are talking I feel uncomfortable
Asking him to repeat what he has asked us to do, because I am scared I may
Get shouted at. Even though I am not the one doing all the talking.

Science.

I feel uncomfortable whom I am sitting with.
Feel uncomfortable asking question more than once.
Name calling by?

PE

No Problem with this lesson,
Only when we do trampoline I feel I am forced to do stuff that cant do.

Form period on Thursdays.

Feel I’m being punished for other people’s actions.
When some kids are naughty, we all have to stay behind.
I feel uneasy coming out of school late.

Assembly.

It gets very hot in there and I start to feel sick.
This happens all the time; I don’t like putting my hand up all
The time to go out, feel I might get shouted at if I ask too may
Times.
Having the time out card is not helping with this problem, I still
Have to ask permission, in front of the whole school.

Now as far as the school year head goes, she has said that they have put lots of thing in place for Hannh and there's nothing more they can do. She also said to take Hannah to the GP to get some help.

She also said in a firm voice that while Hannah was at home she was getting all the attention, while getting this attention would you want to come to school. I understood where she was coming from BUT felt a little angry because she would not understand where I was coming from.

Hannah wanted me to go up to the school to speak to the mentor, this would make her feel better, the year head said that there was no need, I have been told that things have been put in place over the phon.

I have told Hannah and she is not to pleased with this.
I have spoken to one of the mentors this morning before I spok to the year head and they said, they would ring be back with an appointment.
Not sure whats going on now.

All things have been put in place as far as the school in conerned, apart from the assembly, she can go out if she wants to,for 3 min,s BUT she cannot take her blazzer off to cool down. She can take her jumper off but MUST put her blazzer back on. THIS IS A RULE in the school, they have to wear there blazzer's.

What does she have to do before they understand. START THROWING UP LIKE SHE USED TO. Sorry, I'm a little angry at the mo.
I did keep my cool with the head of year becasue getting angry is NOT going to help Hannah.

I will just have to take one day at a time and see what happens. Keep talking to Hannah and hope that all I say will help her understands things more.

Thank you all sooooo much for your replies [^]
Anymore advice would help sooooooo much.

Oh I feel better m

[Piglet]

This all sounds very much like our school.

I was ready for a big storm up to school last summer (even with the agroaphobia ) if they didn't let them take their blazers off in the boiling heat. I really get narky when rules fly in the face of common sense.

This is so hard Jill mate - thankfully I haven't had many moans over the years with the girls and school, but on the rare occasion that I have, I always think that the kids will only be at school for a certain number of years, but they are my kids for life.

With that in mind I want to get it right. You know Hannah better than anyone and the fears she has told you about are actually very normal ones and ones I have heard talked about in our house too.

I think you need to come up with a coping stratagy for each problem - school do seem to be trying here on some of this stuff, so that's good.

I like my kids to abide by rules and regulations etc but I always want them to realise there are options in life and they do have some control over these options, then they don't feel trapped by circumstance.

Hannah needs to feel in control at school - quite franky if I had some of the issues to deal with that they do I would equally find it hard. The regime at school makes it hard to feel free, which if you suffer from anxieties of anysort must be horrid. I know as an adult I need to have escape routes in certain situations and Hannah may need hers too.

School are at least trying on some of the issues so hopefully the bits that aren't satisfactory can be addressed again.

Best of luck

Piglet xx



"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[kate]

Hi Jill,

Well, although I can see that the school have put some things in place for you, there is still another option that they could try.

It would seem from your writings that Hannah is getting overwhelmed by her peers. Have I interpreted this correctly? [:I]

At the school where I work, they have a department which helps kids that are not attending frequently and who also have problems being around other kids for one reason or another. While these kids are struggling they have there lessons in very small groups within this department, they even come down to dinner earlier than the rest of the school to minimalize any distress they are feeling. They are allowed to stay within this department for as long as is necessary, until such a time as they feel able to rejoin the rest of their class in lessons. Is anything like this available at Hannahs school?

I have sent you a PM as well.

Love Kate xxx