Hi All,
I've been anxious and on off panicky as long as i can remember,but i feel its developing and getting worse. Have had a lot of stress recently...not getting on with a work colleague and trying for a baby via IUI and possibly IVF, but this has all been coupled with a death in the family. My hubby's Grampy passed from cancer just under two weeks ago and it's all blown up in my face. It's mainly in work, i don't get on with a colleague...we used to be friends but various incidences and her complete misunderstandings a year ago and unwillingness to listen to reason means we are no longer. I've been very low in work, i just want to be with my husband at home. I've become paranoid rightly or wrongly that she is going out of her way to make my life miserable with little things everyday. I've been crying every day in work, something sets me off and i can't stop for the rest of the day. Today she was talking about me, in hushed tones but i picked up little bits, i felt the heat rise, my heart as pounding and just keeping my cool and keeping my mouth shut sent me into an anxiety attack and i broke down. I am 6 months off of Citalopram and don't want to go back on medication but my anxiety is "flaring up", i'm completely paranoid and i'm pretty sure i'm depressed with it too although it came on very suddenly after my last period so i believe its hormonal. I'm isolated and i'm sure i'm doing it to myself. i'm projecting onto this old friend. I'm trying to make amends with her, trying to fix it but i feel she's being obtuse.
I feel like i'm losing my mind a little bit every day, thinking im a paranoid schizophrenic, think i'm all out mad, thinking i'm depressed...not suicidal though, am never suicidal, i totally fear death. I think that may be i don't deal well with death. I've been missing my Nan's recently, both passed away for 5 years.
I feel alone. My husband is brilliant, bless him but he's never had anything remotely like depression or anxiety and despite his best efforts he can't relate to me, he can only comfort me.
Does anyone else suffer "bouts" like this? Periods of extremely intense emotion for a few weeks at a time?
Anxiety is pretty constant, just sometimes gets out of control...was physically shaking at the end of my work day today, i can't go on like this and at the present time, other jobs aren't around so moving isn't an option