Why do women stop talking?

[heavymind]

Any one have any idea why women stop talking, when they dont like someone. You know how that feels to a socially anxious person, it feels horrible, miserable. When you say hi and some one turns the head away, its extremely painful. But I have to be meeting this lady atleast for 3 more days, it feels like entire life to me. How am I going to handle. I just want to find some avoidance ways to avoid the situation somehow. But books tell me avoidance is something that is not the correct solution, so I try to force myself to put myself through the situation. But it pains a lot. Should I avoid, or should I just push myself. But when I push myself, I get very dipressed and I cant do anything else other than think about it.

Today, I even started thinking why the hell am I living, with such a poor quality of life, with having to worry so intensly about something that is so small and which is just not an issue. I pull myself back together over and oever again and do something to improve, but it lasts only until the next episode of disaster, afterwhich I have to start working very very hard again to get back normal, and be able to do necessary duties properly.

Today, my problem has also been worrying about worrying. The word "disorder" makes me feel sick. This seems to have kick started a skick way of worrying too much about pulling myself back together.

Ram

[Chardonay]

Hi Ram.

Sorry you feel like this,it will get better you have to face the problems.
I suffer the same as you I worry about something, but then something else happens and start worrying about that.So the first problem then seems ok.

Best wishes.
Abi


Tall dark and mysterious was his name,
magic love and money was his game.

Beauty is a real thing, not just a reflection in the mirror

[Quirky]

Hi Ram,

Sorry you're suffering, I don't have social anxiety particularly but am sure it must be awful.
One thing to think about, you don't know this lady doesn't like you, there can be many reasons why some people turn their heads away, I have known many poeple who are just like that, it doesn't have to be related to you. Of course us anxious people always think it is about us.
That was just something I heard my CBT lady say once and it gives the matter a different perspective.
Good luck, you can get through it.

Lisa

[Meg]

Ask her about herself, a trip, her family - maybe she is as shy as you.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[heavymind]

Hey chardony,LJ and Meg,

Thanks so much for your messages. I want to tell you people how great I handled the situation. The books are correct, you should NOT avoid. I decided, instead of totally avoiding, I will partially avoid, by going there with a headphone on my ear with some music. The first time I did this and felt relieved that on occurace was over.

The next time, I decided to talk as well, moving from total avoidance to partial avoidance to no avoidance at all. It was actually a challenging situation because, I had asked her out for lunch and she had refused. So this time, I was ok with that, but I was axious, if when I talk, she might react in a way, which might hurt me. So on the next occurance I did go with a head phone, but this time, I used that to initiate a conversation, I just told her, hope you dont mind me having the headphones on, when I am stressed out, I have to follow a rigid stress buster routine. Then I started talking about what I do, morning go for a jog, then play some music and record it and during the day, play it back and find what mistakes that I do and try and do better the next day. Then she was interested in know what the mode of recording and play back was and we chatted a little about recording and playback quality. After that I went back to the headphones. I figured out that actually she was only being nice to me and it was my anxiety that was making me think, she might say something that would hurt me.

I felt very very happy. I felt like I have just climbed mount everest. So what the books say is true, do not avoid, more from total avoidance to partial avoidance, and then to no avoidance. Also a run in the morning and some music certainly helps.

All the best.

Regards,

Ram

[Quirky]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I figured out that actually she was only being nice to me and it was my anxiety that was making me think, she might say something that would hurt me.
<div align="right">Originally posted by vasantharam - 31 January 2006 : 03:29:28</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Yes this is so true! Well done Ram, you're doing really well and making great progress.

Lisa x