family health problems...

[oldgraymare]

ive posted something like this in the past but its all washing back up again. I dont know how to cope, ive lost all ability.
I am so worried about my brother right now and its depressing as heck. He has type 1 diabetes and addison's disease and hes recently been in the icu for a major episode of low blood sugar (after a couple of years of major episodes) from which he suffered memory loss and had a hell of a time in the hospital. hes not sick sick at the moment but i feel like i'm waiting for it to all go to heck again. he has blood tests that basically indicate his medications for addison's arent working at all, which means they may have to be switched, which for one is effed up why all of the sudden arent his meds working and two his stomach might not react well to the new medication, as it didnt with the very first med he was on. he was quite ill on that drug so it was great when it was switched to the one he takes now...if we have to go through that again...his cholesterol is high but the meds for that make him sick too...
his blood sugar levels are all over the place and apparently hes had a couple of episodes of wretching and thats only the ones we know about who knows what hes not telling us or what hes forgotten. hes had an episode of diarrhea. hes constantly saying his heart hurts...
he keeps accidentally taking double doses of his medications as he cant remember if hes taken them or not and rather than ask us he goes ahead and takes it and then thinks oh maybe i should ask...he feels we are babying him because we have to stay on top of everything he does (hes 28 years old, lives with my mother, at one point i was there every day but now my dad goes there every day after work) and he refuses to cooperate with anything we put in place to prevent him having accidents like taking double doses. i think hes just scared and seeing us so worked up about everything makes him uncomfortable when he just wants to pretend nothing is wrong. any time we try and get him to take things seriously, we're being "melodramatic" and "a hypochondriac".
i have no one to talk to. my parents are so devastated right now about everything and also at a loss so i cant talk to them. its not even so much about not wanting to add to their load, though that is part of it. its also the fact that if i turn to them im just going to get "i denno what to do either...". i need parents right now and they just have nothing to give, no strength no support, (in fact my dad also has addison's disease himself and suffered greatly with it as a teen) so it would just further my depression to see them depressed. my older sister is having panic attacks so i cant talk to her...
i just desperately do not want my brother to die but his body seems to hate him. its one thing after another with his health and i just dont know what to expect, every time i get an email or phone call from my mother im literally terrified shes emailing to say hes back in the icu or dead. every time im around him im prime for a heart attack because im always expecting him to suddenly fall super low as he was prone to or to start vomiting but God forbid if i ask him if hes all right because then i'll get attacked...i feel guilty for not wanting to be there every day as i had been, but its so stressful and feels so pointless when he wont cooperate at all...
all this on top of the fact that im having a heck of a time with health anxiety which probably brought on this depression (i have ibs and a few years ago suffered a bad bout and since then have felt sick to my stomach and weak and exhausted and my head is extreeeemely foggy...) im just at the end of my rope. where do you turn, honestly...its not as if i can rationalize and say "oh is he really that sick? is he really in so much danger? is the situation so bad?" when the facts are yes he is, his memory loss is dangerous, his anger about the whole thing is dangerous as it makes him irresponsible, the fact that no one seems to know why his body is so effed up, the fact that my parents are old and scared themselves...
any suggestions on how to get my head around this? so things dont seem so hopeless? how can you be okay with the thought of losing a loved one and seeing your family destroyed by it?

[unspoken]

Hello. This is a very tough one, I feel for you. Have you seen your GP to talk about this? Also it sounds like some counselling could help you, but I know that counselling isn't the easiest to access.

In the meantime, have a look for any websites for people with similar conditions to your brother. Www.patient.co.uk has a good directory of support websites. You may find a forum with an area for relatives and carers of those with conditions like your brother's, where you could find support and advice from people going through the same kind of thing. It is horrible feeling so helpless when somebody close to you is ill. My mother has epilepsy and she is difficult to deal with because she won't ask for help when she needs it and is clearly depressed but won't even go to the doctor because the doctor suggested she could be depressed. Take the time to think about yourself and your own needs and don't feel guilty for taking your focus off your brother for a while.

[oldgraymare]

thank you for your reply, no one seems to reply to my posts lol

ive been trying to get counseling for over a year but since i cant pay for it its not easy as you say.

thank you for the website, and im sorry to hear that you are suffering with something similar. its hard when you want to be there and help someone and feel useful and they just want to be left alone. at least you would feel better knowing youre making them feel better by helping them as best you can, but when they reject that help on top of everything its just UHG heh.
its not so much that i feel guilty about taking focus off my brother its that i dont want my parents who are not handling this so well to have to handle everything themselves and believe me though im sure you know theres a lot to handle. i already am not staying at moms anymore as i was in the beginning and i feel terribly guilty just for that, as i know it put her mind at ease to know someone was there.

thank you again and all the luck in the world to you.