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Thread: My diary of 'The meds v anxiety'.

  1. #11
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    Apr 2010
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    56

    Re: My diary of 'The meds v anxiety'.

    Hi Sam!

    Well, you will get to where I am and overtake me, no doubt! I really think it's healthy your way of rationalising what you are feeling and being able to be patient and hopeful.

    My first days on Cipralex were an absolute nightmare and I felt totally hopeless. If I wrote on these forums it was a sort of a desperate cry for help rather than a constructive diary like yours! So you are definitely doing the right thing!

    I went to see my psychiatrist for the 2nd time yesterday and I am starting to have doubt about him. This time he only kept me in 25 minutes and I could see he was going through his notes trying to find something to ask me. After a while he said: "So, is there anything you would like to talk about?" cue long uncomfortable silence!
    I didn't know I had to go there prepared and I thought he would ask me questions and then gave me explanations on why I am feeling a certain way... I left his studio feeling strange, wondering if this is helping, or if I should just get my GP to keep prescribing my Cipralex and get on with it!

    Anyway, that's just me rumbling! I hope today is a better day than yesterday for you! By the way, from 1 to 10 on your graph, what's the highest you reach?

    Good luck,

    Marco.

  2. #12
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    May 2010
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    55

    Re: My diary of 'The meds v anxiety'.

    My 'Taking The Meds' Diary
    Day Eight - May 21, 2010


    Anyone know the Bruce Springsteen song 'I'm On Fire'? Well that sums up how I feel at the moment as I sit at my desk at work at 8.30am. To quote another song I am feeling 'Hot, Hot, Hot' and the sun hasn't even probably risen yet.

    Since being on Ciprlaex the biggest physical impact for me has definitley been this increase in heat/sweating and it is pretty horrible in the morning. I do recall this from last time but not to this extent and is more than a tad uncomfortable.

    The point of a diary is to report things 'warts and all' and so it is only fair to say the warts are out at the moment (not literally thankfully).

    My depressive thoughts seem to be higher than usual as are my anxiety bursts at times and it is hard to know what is causing all these sensations and to what extent the med side effects are causing them or highlighting them. I think it is probably the latter in that as the pills do their stuff things can take a bit of a dive but I really hope this subsides sooner rather than later because it is pretty tough.

    On the plus side though the day does get better as it goes on and by the mid-early evening I feel like I am coping fine. I know it will even out eventually and the OK periods will become the norm rather than the exception but I guess we are all impatient and I just want it to happen soon.

    Oh well at least the weekend looms. I haven't got much planned (a good thing) but at least the pressure of work subsides. Only downside is that we are expecting a heatwave here in the UK. A heatwave when I am sweating a lot and feeling constantly hot already. Nightmare!

    Sam




  3. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    169

    Re: My diary of 'The meds v anxiety'.

    hi sam ive been watching your post and as you know ive still not taking mine yet, im kinda thinking worse now as like me youve been on them before and are suffering more this time round shit i thought i was kinda hoping that normally if a medication worked for me before it might do again this time round,, i get really hot flashes anyway but that could my age im 41 next tuesday but hate them as it is. my fear is not being able to cope with the side effects if there bad what do i do then ????i havent had any anxiety or panics for about 3 days and am wondering if i should take my medicine after all only to make it worse ??? anyway hope your weekend wasnt that bad spesh with all the heat weve had its going to cool down next week so thats a blessing!!!

    stay posted
    tc lisa

  4. #14
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    May 2010
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    55

    Re: My diary of 'The meds v anxiety'.

    My 'Taking The Meds' Diary
    May 25, 2010

    Hello, I'm back - and sorry about the disappearing act.

    You will note that I haven't got a 'day' in my diary timeline and that is because I am temporaraily off the tablets. I don't want anyone to worry that something awful has happened or there is something wrong with the tablets - there isn't - I just need to check something out.

    The thing is I was really reluctant to start Cipralex again. Not because I have anything against them - I know 100 per cent that they really, really helped me and my diary entries should show that - it is just that I worried about getting on the meds treadmill again and I was concerned that I may have done so too quickly when my anxiety seemed to be coming back. I have real anxiety/depression/panic issues but I am also scared of making this a permanent problem in my life and I have been asking myself 'did I really fight this hard enough before going back to the doctors'?

    That I have anxiety (and its twins depression and panic) in my life again is simply not in doubt - the weekend was horrible to be honest - but I was really knocked about by the tablets this time particularly at the end of last week. I felt really low by Friday/Saturday and more anxious than ever and I kept saying 'give the tablets some time' but I couldn't work out whether my anxiety was out of control because it was out of control or whether the side effects from the meds were hitting me far more than they should (or indeed did previously).

    I was also concious that after just two days on 5mg (the doc said I should do that for a week) I upped it to 10mg as I had been on that before and that might have just been too big a shock for my system. So on Friday night I agonised 'should I stop the tablets for a while and see if my anxiety is as bad as it now seems and the meds aren't an issue in that or just carry on and let them do their stuff'.

    I carrried on but after a terrible Saturday and Sunday (mainly depressing thoughts to be honest and considerable 'hiding') I decided against taking the tablets on the Sunday night and haven't done so on the past two nights. Maybe that was foolish and I should accept I can't beat this on my own but anxiety does make you question everything - including in my case, can I ever escape it if I don't try to fight it harder med-free? Maybe that was niave - we shall see.

    Anyway, my anxiety, of course, hasn't gone away since Sunday (how could it?) and today is already worse than yesterday but I am going to try and see how the next few days go. If my anxiety levels seem controllable I may delay re-starting the tablets but if things get worse I may start again - at 5mg for the first week as prescribed.

    I am sorry if this is all terribly confusing and I am sorry to alwaysanxious for worrying her but I have to be certain that the meds are right for me again at this time. I don't need to be 100 per cent certain - that is impossible - but I need to be up to about 80 I think and I am not quite there at the moment.

    I am a very positive person usually - I hope some of my diary entries prove that - and I will have no qualms going back to the meds if I think that is right but at the moment I am just not quite convinced and I need to be as sure in my mind as possible that I can't beat this on my own this time before restarting the Cipralex path that has been such a help in the past.

    Whatever the case I remain a very passionate believer in Cipralex and it is possible the heightened anxiety/side effects was man-made not tablet-made and I don't want anyone to be put off for a second starting their course. This is just me and my private battle.

    I will be back with an update in the next couple of days - and don't be surprised if it is day one of 5mg again because these tablets work. I just need to be sure in my mind that I am in the right frame of mind to let them do so.

    Thanks for reading - and sorry if this has confused people. Join the club!

    Kind regards

    Sam The Raven
    Last edited by The Raven; 25-05-10 at 14:03.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
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    56

    Re: My diary of 'The meds v anxiety'.

    Hi Sam,

    Good on you for always keeping us guessing!

    I think it was very brave of you to try and stop treatment, and I admire you for that. I understand where you are coming from completely.

    They say once you start Cipralex, you will have to be on it for AT LEAST 6 months, and that is quite a commitment! So it's only natural wanting to be 100% sure you are making the right decision before embarking (once again) on this chemical filled adventure!

    At the end of the day, it is easy enough for doctors to fill in a prescription, but it is us who ultimately have to take the medication, so it's good for you to question if you really need it. I hope you can manage without.

    Best of luck and keep us posted!

    Marco.

  6. #16
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    Sep 2007
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    169

    Re: My diary of 'The meds v anxiety'.

    i read this and it made me cry im so so confused i was kind of looking forward to startinmg mine in a way and again now im not!!!!! sos orry raven (sam) that youve been brave enough to stop them half way thru treatment i do remeber going on cipralex in 2003 i had a full nervouse breakdown and my god they started me on 10mg i thought i was dying but i was so ill almost like a shell.. well this time around ive had alot of stress this past year and all ov a sudden panic attacks and anxiety has crept up on me last week i was so ill with it i thought i waqs going in hospital again so when i decided to go to the docts and ask for my tablets again after having been off them for a year... but this week ive been normal no panics no anxiety and im thinking hey im ok i dont need them, but long term i think i do .. maybe because u went on 5mg then couple days later on 10mg u had double the wammy ,, im that scared ive been prescribed 10mg and was gona take just half ov that as u know u can break them in half then i thought why dont i have half ov a half for a week then a half the next week then 10mg what do you think anyone can answer that 1 if you r reading this ???????? im thinking the less tablet in the less side effect start low n slow maybe thats what im thinking at the minuit would like some advice please ???? im sorry if i sound desperate to any 1 its just i am ..... lisa x

  7. #17
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    Apr 2010
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    56

    Re: My diary of 'The meds v anxiety'.

    Hi Lisa,

    I am sorry Sam's post made you worry. As you know, we all react differently to the medicines, so you may not experience the increased anxiety that Sam and I had. There is no way of forecasting it.

    Taking half of a half (that would be 2.5mg) might work, but in my case I wanted to feel better soon, so I preferred to start on 10mg. and bear the consequences in view of feeling better faster.

    If you are ok in waiting a while longer for the medicine to start having a positive impact on you, then by all means start with 2.5mg on the first week, then 5mg and then 10mg, however make sure you keep your doctor informed and do follow his advice as I am not a doctor (disclaimer! ).

    Easier said than done I know, but try not to be so apprehensive about the medicine. If you start it and the try to analyse yourself every 5 minutes to see if your anxiety is increasing, it probably will! Take your pill and keep yourself busy (that's why I did not want to take any time off work when I started), distraction for me was the best coping tecnique.

    I truly wish you all the best and keep us posted: I know tomorrow is day 0 for you!

    Marco.

  8. #18
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    May 2010
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    55

    Re: My diary of 'The meds v anxiety'.

    My 'Taking The Meds' Diary
    (Update and message to Lisa and Marco)


    Hey Lisa and Marco,

    Thank you so much for both of your posts.

    Lisa, I am really sorry if I made things worse for you - it was the last thing on earth I would want to do.

    I wasn't sure even if I should write anything here when I decided to put the tablets on hold in case it created such a reaction but I felt above all we have to be honest with each other on this site.

    We sometimes have to ‘pretend’ to others about our problems (sadly I do it all the time) but there are no secrets here and I wanted to be as up front as possible about my decision as I had made such a public statement with the diary.

    As it is Lisa I am still not sure if I have/am doing the right doing by stopping the tablets because just as last week (when I was taking the tablets) seemed pretty horrible so does this week (when I am not).

    I have had a couple of reasonable periods but far, far more chunks of bad ones (like just about the whole of yesterday for instance) and I know that whatever is or isn’t happening with my tablets, my anxiety/depression/panic is really powerful at the moment and cannot and will not be ignored. It has manifested itself this week in just as much nervousness, self-doubt and lethargy as I felt last week when I tried to blame the Cipralex so maybe that says a lot.

    The truth is the last couple of weekends particularly haven’t been good for me so I will see how this one pans out before deciding whether to re-start my tablets again. I guess like us all we just keep hoping that one day we will wake up feeling so much better but with the various things going on in my life at the moment I have to accept that the 'miracle cure' just isn’t going to happen - I just need to decide if I am best to take the prescription I was given and let the tablets help me or try and fight it on my own.

    So yes, Lisa, I am still confused but the truth is this is a problem with me – not with the tablets.

    As for your situation, I can totally understand your fears about starting again but it really may not be as bad as you fear. What Marco says – and oh how I admire Marco for his positivity and good sense - is that if you keep analysing yourself and your feelings you will see your anxiety increasing anyway so if and when you take the tablets try as hard as you can to not interpret every action or reaction you feel. As you can see in my earlier posts I found that difficult to do – 'I am feeling worse is the Cipralex'? 'I am feeling better is it the Cipralex'? – and that is what led to my confusion but it is entirely possible you will start the tablets and have far, far less side effects than others experience and you mayb be pleasantly surprised. In addition – and it is one thing I did keep telling myself – side effects are proof of ‘something’ happening and that is what we all want ultimately.

    Lisa, the truth is the only way to discover if these tablets can help you is to start them. Yes, I did and stopped but that may just be temporary and this is entirely a personal decision – we all have our own paths to tread and what may work for one of us may not for another.

    Anxiety really is vile isn’t it – it even causes us all heightened anxiety worrying how to deal with it.

    Marco can I just re-iterate again how grateful I am for your support, your understanding and your wise words of advice. The fact that you have battled through the early difficult weeks and are now sounding so strong is a great encouragement to me. Please keep us all posted about your progress. How are you at the moment for instance?

    And Lisa we are here for you. You may be 'alwaysanxious' but we are 'alwayshere'.

    Kind regards

    Sam (The Raven)

  9. #19
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    Apr 2010
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    56

    Re: My diary of 'The meds v anxiety'.

    Hi Sam,

    Thank you for the update and all the compliments!

    I will gladly give you an update about me, however I don't want to hijack your thread, so I will keep it short.

    Cipralex seemed to have worked for me... well, in fact I want to give myself a pat on the back too and give some credit to myself not only to the meds. I tried to see things differently every day and surely Cipralex helped, but I have also done my bit!

    I am on 20mg, which I thought it was a bit eccessive, but that's what my psychiatrist told me to do so I followed his advice. I have to say that I feel so much better, but in the morning I feel even too positive, if that makes sense! I wake up full of energy, I am a bit hyperactive and even at work I am extremely productive (so unlike me! ). I wonder if I should perhaps reduce the Cipralex to 10mg per day... might be something to bring up with my psychiatrist next time.

    I am finally eating regularly but my best achievement is sleeping like a baby! I get really annoyed by my alarm clock in the morning now, whereas before I'd be staring at the ceiling at 4.30!

    So all in all, I am very happy I started Cipralex and I believe I can say I am out of the long tunnel for now.

    All the best Sam and Lisa.

    Marco.

  10. #20
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    May 2010
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    55

    Re: My diary of 'The meds v anxiety'.

    My 'Taking/Not Taking The Meds' Diary
    (June 2 - 20 days since first Cipralex tablet)
    OK, I have been away for the best part of a week and so I wanted to have an update on where I am.

    As I said in my last update I have been having a bit of a battle about whether to take my tablets or to see if I can (this time) get through a very tough old anxiety/depression period on my own.

    This time last week I was certainly edging to getting back on the meds trail but I said then I would see where I stood at the end of the weekend.

    The reason for that was the two previous weekends had been hellish - one of them I said to myself (probably melodramatically) was possibly the worst weekend of my life as I was virtually stuck under a duvet with not so much as a hint of positivity in my mind. So I wanted to see if I could do better than that in a non-meds state.

    Well, I did. The weekend wasn't without its trials but I genuinely felt much more positive about life, the universe and everything and I tried to make myself much busier and more alive. And it seemed to work.

    I also (while out walking my dog) loudly declared to the field I was in that I had 'given' anxiety, depredsion and painic the month of May - and I was hereby claiming June back for myself. It was a strange thing to do but it sort of lifted me and made me feel I was taking control. The way I reationalised it was I had 'conceded' May to the 'beast without' and as a reward had asked for June in exchange.

    And guess what? Bizarrely yesterday (June 1) was the least anxious/depressive day I have had for weeks!

    I woke up with the distinct lack of the gnawing self-doubt and knotted stomach that has characertised my recent weeks and went on to have my most productive upbeat work day for ages. I felt good - and felt others around me must have seen a difference in me too. I went to bed last night with that rare thing - a smile on my face. Had I 'cracked it' with my claiming of the month I dared to ask myself?

    Well, not exactly...

    Today has been a bit of a disappointment after the relative high of yesterday. Although I have not hit the floor I am certainly not up in the sky as I was yesterday and I always think it is cruel when anxiety lets you 'off' for a little while and then, just as you start to believe, hits back aagin. Cruel, very cruel.

    But, but, but.....importantly, I saw something yesterday.

    I saw that whether it was a one-off or I had conned myself, I can have whole days that are good - something I had doubted could happen at all a few weeks ago. I had a genuinely good day - and I now want to find ways of having other good days too.

    So, I am going to stay off the meds a bit longer if I can. They are still there in my draw like a lovely big comfort blanket but yesterday gave me that smidgen of hope and belief that maybe, just maybe, it is worth trying a bit longer on my own.

    As I have said before I have nothing but respect for the power of Cipralex because they have helped me two/three times before. I just need to be sure I haven't exhausted the power of ME before I begin that fascinating journey again.

    Thanks for reading - and good luck to everyone else in their various battles.

    Back soon...

    Sam (The Raven) - the man who has 'claimed' June from anxiety!!!

    PS I may put this 'claiming June' thing on another thread in case it helps anyone.


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