finally went to see a doctor

[qualia]

She said I have generalised anxiety and high bp (but not dangerously high). As long as I continue to improve I should be ok in a couple of months. If symptoms get worse, I should go back, but she doesn't think I'm a candidate for medication.

However, I didn't tell her everything. I couldn't remember half of the stuff I wanted to tell her. She kinda caught me on a good day too... I just wanna know if it's normal to have extremely muted emotions? I really missed my ex recently... and regret that I couldnt save her from all the terrible things that happened to her. I know I feel this way, but it's not totally there in my head. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of loneliness and regret. Is this depression? I just wanna be myself again.

I realise I must be quite a mild case compared to many who have suffered extreme symptoms for years. I feel quite guilty for posting... And yet only last weekend I was ready to walk to the hospital at midnight because I felt so terrible. This thing is so weird!

[qualia]

And now I just feel rubbish again... Wish I could sleep :(

[andrew]

Hi Qualia,

It might be a good idea to write down the things you want to say to your Dr, its hard to say or remember everything sometimes.

What did you think about not getting offered any medications? There are some 'natural' remedies available which you could always try if you felt you needed to.

To be honest I wouldn't like to guess whether or not you've got depression and im not quite sure I got what you meant by 'muted emotions'. Dont feel quilty to post, this is what it is for you.

take care .. andrew

[Going home]

If you felt so bad inside that you wanted to walk to a hospital at midnight then your fears were real for you so you have nothing to feel guilty about. Your fears are yours, and nobody can measure them.

Anna xx

[qualia]

Thank you for the replies. I think the muted emotions is just a touch of mild depersonalisation... I only really feel it if I dwell on it or when I'm on my own. The same with most anxiety symptoms, I suppose.

I do wish I had been offered medication just so I know I have that option if things become unbearable again, but I did put myself across as dealing with it well. I always try to put a brave face on even when I'm feeling terrible.

I'm going to see how I progress over the next few weeks. Try to apply all of the things I've learned about not fighting it, but accepting it. See if my physical symptoms don't disappear...

Thanks again for the replies,
Nick

[andrew]

Hi Nick,

Well you have got the option of trying some 'natural' products if you feel the need. I think thats the usual man response, Im doing ok lol. But keeping a positive attitude will speed your recovery. The g.a.d.- dp -dr sounds right.

Good luck, keep trying .. take care

[qualia]

Hi again,
What natural products would you recommend? Does Rescue Remedy work? 5HTP seemed to help lift my mood. It didn't really help with calming me down though. I just feel like my brain is constantly working at 1000 mph... Hard to concentrate sometimes...

[andrew]

Hiya,

Never tried any, I only suggested it as an option for you, as you were not offered any prescription medication. The natural remedies section would provide much better information than myself. Although a few people I know swear by rescue remedy.

So whats on your mind at a 1000 miles per hour.

take care .. andrew

[qualia]

Just constantly worrying that this crazy feeling isn't gonna go away... Keep checking to see if I feel "normal" yet... and I never do unless I'm not thinking about it (which is very rare).

[andrew]

Hiya,

Anxiety feeds on anxiety, constantly worrying and checking will only produce more anxiety.

I dont doubt its hard to concentrate at times but you have to hang on in there as best you can. Distraction from those thoughts, try something physical or artisic for best results. Or anything you like that will fill your mind with other thoughts.

You are normal, you're just struggling with anxiety and depression.

take care .. andrew