Citalopram diary

[Oddfish]

Thanks for all the support guys. The best thing about this site is knowing that there are people out there who can relate to what I am going through and I hope this diary of events might help others. I'm up and down like a yo yo at the moment. No side effects per se, but my mood has gone right down again today.

[Raindog]

Part of my depression springs from feeling so alone, so even the bit of human contact I get from this forum has helped me. I spent all of last week reading one or two of the posts about Cit's side effects, trying to find some comfort that they were going to work for me and the horrible anxiety I was having was just temporary. I signed up just the other day and it's better to dive in and be a part of the conversations going on rather than just a bystander.

Maybe if I can help someone out here on this forum it might help me break through some of those dark thoughts like 'why bother' and 'is it really worth trying' when my depression gets hold.

Hope you're feeling better tomorrow, or even later today

[Faethra]

[Oddfish]

My first 'bad night'. Decided to change my dose time from morning to night yesterday so had 10mg in the morning then another 10mg before bed. Have just woken up at 3am feeling jittery and anxious and overwhelmed. As I was waking I could hear all of these vivid sounds... loud noises like someone talking all mixed up and going really fast and spinning out of control. Sounded very real but must have been in my head. Stopped when I properly woke up. Feel like I have to keep moving my limbs all the time.

[Oddfish]

Managed to drop back off to sleep and woke again at normal time. Anxiety and restless limbs had gone. Dry mouth and complete loss of appetite still present. Head has been feeling a lot foggier these past couple of days. Feeling quite mentally blunted and slow. Finding it difficult to stay focused or to concentrate and my motivation is still low. I wandered around some shops today and definitely felt 'out of it'. Not to a disabling degree but enough to know the tablets are doing something to my brain. On the up side I haven't felt depressed today, but haven't really felt up either. I just feel sort of calm and dulled...no other way to describe it .

[Oddfish]

I'm still on 10mg. Going to go up to 20mg tonight. I'm not feeling so foggy in my head and my appetite has come back a little, but I've been feeling very tired, especially in the morning and my mouth is still dry.

As far as I can tell the medication is not helping my depression yet. A big cause of my depression is isolation and loneliness. The only time I feel like I am lifting out of it is when I go out with a purpose and I am interacting socially with other people. Being alone acts like a trigger for the negative thoughts to start racing and even if I go out and do things I don't feel any better if I am doing them on my own. If anything, I feel worse.

Yesterday I spent the day with some friends doing a new, exciting activity and I loved it. I felt like my old self, but it was a one off thing and within half an hour of getting home I was in tears and throwing things around the room in anger and fear at being alone again . Last year the loneliness and work stress got me into a very bad state, but within a few weeks just the distraction of getting back into the routine of work and interacting with everyone there and feeling useful in combination with ADs helped me to pull myself out. This time I don't have a job to go back to and I've never felt so low. I feel like I know what I need to turn my life around but I can't make it happen and it makes me panic and get angry and distraught

Come on citalopram. HELP!

[Raindog]

Hey trickyvee,
I've felt very lonely over the past few weeks, I have friends but not many and I haven't had a romantic relationship for some time. I found getting out and interacting with people helped me through the worst parts of my anxiety and depression, the sad part is that I went to the hospital A&E asking for help just so I wasn't stuck at home on my own.

I understand about enjoying your time with friends then facing the prospect of heading home on your own. I've always been a very independent person and I enjoy my personal space, but sometimes that space feels a bit empty.

My depression and anxiety are still lurking, making me feel a bit down, but it's a vast improvement to the past few weekends where I felt desperate to get out and not feel so alone. I think it's good when you can identify what triggers those intrusive thoughts and at least try and do something about them. Even coming onto NMP can help to make you feel not quite so alone.

I've finally gotten access to the chat room here on NMP so might see you in there if you want to drop by, there are a few people in there now by the looks of it.

Better days for you

[Oddfish]

Going to have a go in the chat room if I can figure out how it works . Never used one before.

A quick update on the cit. I'm on 20mg now. Yesterday I felt VERY tired having taken that dose the previous evening, although I am unsure whether it was because of the medication or the result of two late nights and a day of quite strenuous physical activity! I spent a lot of the day asleep. I also had very restless legs which I had to keep moving to find relief and a bit of diarrhoea.

Today I have felt ok but the depression is not budging.

[Faethra]

Hey Vee,

I remember when I first started anti-depressants, a good friend of mind told me this; they will not get rid of the problem, they will just make it easier to deal with. The goal of the medication is to help you stabilize so you can get to the root of the problem. I think if you expect the medication to make you completely happy and take away all of your sadness you will only be let down. However, I don't mean to say this in a demeaning way. I want you to realize that this is a hopeful message. It will make your lows less low, and your highs higher. It will take away lingering anxieties that you might have about going out and initiating connection with people (though perhaps that's not the problem you have, but it certainly is mine! lol...)

I think you will do well, since you have a plan.

That restlessness is a bugger, isn't it? :P

[jacky]

I have just started taking Citolopram and Im 64. I have had heart palpitations since I was 13, recently they seemed to have settled with me taking Magensium, but nw Im on the anti depressant the palps have returned. Palptations are really frightening especially as you get older. The Citalopram seem to be doing me good on the other hand, I like them they help me even only after 9 days! and 10mg strength.