Need help badly

[kitty]

Hi all,

I need to share something with you. Im supose to be at the dr's on monday as my dr wants to put me through to the mental health department but im so scared about it its unbelieveable. Im worried that they will lock me up or something...oh i dnt knw anymore im just ranting on so i apologise to you all. I just cant seem to stop cutting at all anymore im doing it everyday now and eachtime i take that blade into my hands they get worse either deeper or bigger or more cuts. I do really want to stop doing it but i just cant stop at all its not like i havent tried to stop because i have so much its just peeing me off now that i cant even go a day without doing it. I'm finding myself sneeking off to the loos where ever i am to do it, Why do i do this to myself when i know its wrong and i shouldn't be doing it but i just cant stop at all. It just feels like all the help, advice and support that you have all gave me off here especially Jac (Jacsta) is being chucked back in your face! but it isn't im listening to it all and i'm even trying some of the advice aswell but i just cant seem to stop at all. I have even resorted to throwing all my blades out! but then i wanted to cut that badly the other day i ran down to Boots and brought a load of them and when the lady looked at me funny i said "My dad and grandad both have the old razors and they wont change to the more up to date razors" and she laughed and said "well people do tend to stick with the one they like" i couldnt believe it i was stood there lying just so i could cut! (i was shocked as i cant lie! ask jac with that one!)
As soon as i have done it i feel some sort of relief its like the only thing i have any control over in my life.
I just feel like im dying from the inside out
Why does it feel like i'm floating through life.
I just can't pretend to be happy any more i'm fed up of putting on a fake smile when all i'm doing is crying so much on the inside.
I'm falling down a bottomless pit and theres no one there to catch me or even hug me to tell me it's all going to be ok.

I'm sorry this isnt a good post your most probably bored of reading it now so i'll stop! Thank you for listening to me rant on for like forever.

Sorry yet again
love yas

kym aka kitty
xux

[Yvonne]

Kitty

Please don't worry about the mental health team at all. It is scary when you get referred to them but please believe me you will be in the right hands. They're not scary at all in fact they are usually very caring and understanding.

You need some help regarding the cutting - I can't comment on it because it's not something I understand. However I do understand your depression and how you feel.

I am sure we are all here to give you a "virtual" hug on this site and most definitely care about y ou and how you feel. Please don't ever think you are alone in this.

Take lots of care and take care of yourself.

Yvonne

Y Goble

[andrew]

hi kym,

sorry to read your struggling so much at the moment. do try to attend the Dr's app. monday for a referal to the 'mental health team'. i dont think they lock ppl up anymore lol, altho their name certainly doesnt sound very user friendly. they would have a lot of experince in helping/treating ppl with similar problems as yourself.

your post sounds very sensible and not like a rant. accepting and understanding that you've got a problem is the first stage of any treatment. anybody thats been stuck in some kind of addiction or obsession would understand where your at - you want to stop but you cant - your not mad, its a problem that is treatable and you can recover.

do keep trying, stay positive, try not to bottle up your feelings, keep on posting and sharing. hug for you .. take care andrew

[Floozie]

Hey Kym, Doo try not to worry about the Mental Health Team, forgrt the first word and concentrate on the other two, or insert help instead of health. That is what they do help, it may seem at times that they are speaking rubbish but as time progresses I am sorry to have to admit that they are normaly right and the important word there is TIME. It is the greatest healer, with a little hep from the professionals (no not the 70's television show) and support from friends everywhere you will find that small things change without you even noticing, until you look back. Try to keep a daily diary even if it just says, got up, felt awful, walked dog. In the end it helps. Floozie

p.s. I have diaries going back five years since my first visit to mental health in any form and I know it helps. Floozie

[Antipodes]

Kym,

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kitty}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[cheeky monkey]

Hi babes
i worrying about you, i understand what you going through honest, hey ive got to go to the docs on monday, how about we meet up in chat that nite and say how we got on? Please dont worry you will be ok. like you said to me try real hard not to cut, lea gave you my mobile didnt she please text or ring that or leas phone. we can help each other to stop this cutting.
I care about you and want to help you. And im waiting for you at the top of that hole all you got to do is reach out and i will grab you and help you out. I did it once and i know you can so take my hand and start reaching babe.
we both sending you a huge hug. ((((((((((((((((((Kym))))))))))))))))))))
please take care
and talk to us later ok or text or pm us so i know you are ok
loves ya
susie

[Depeche]

Hi Kym, you know i'm here for you, take care

big hugs (((((((((((kym)))))))))))))))

Nick

Embrace me

[Jacsta]

love you kymmie. i here i here...as much as i can be....dont you worry about me.

huggleshuggleshuggles((((((((kym))))))))huggleshug gleshuggles

just keep swimming.

[bluesparkle]

just to say sending you posative vibes and big hugs for monday... please let us know how you get on...
it will be ok they are here to help you...and you are most definately not alone as we are all behind you
take care
rach

[Keitharcher]

Kym

You no me from the chat room, I was refferred to the crisis team myself with sucidal thoughts. I went with the same trepedations as you are feeling, it was the best thing I ever did. They understood what I was going through, they listened ti me and I subscribed to a series of vists to the day hospital coupled with relaxation. Being the ever sceptic I went along, it was one of the turning points with my battle against depression. being with other people who were experiencing similar problems to me, talking my problems out. The exercises they gave were mailnly aimed at self discovery, but it was shared with the group.

The upshot is I had time to reflect and sort myself out, in hindsite it was one of the best things that happened to me. I have since been discharged from the crisis unit and now feel weel on the way to being fully fit and healthy again. There was no comittal or sectioning tsaking place in my case just good honest care that I needed at the time.

Thats my experience use it if you want to I found it was the best thing I did.

Thinking about you

Keith