Anorexia

[Karen]

This is a continuation of my [Link removed invalid url] thread.

I’m starting a new thread because the last one was taking ages to load.

Fee: I have been trying to remain in control but control to me is being able to restrict and starve myself so that I can lose weight. I know everyone else wants me to eating small amounts at regular intervals but I can’t do it. I lose control and binge and then feel the need to punish myself because I am so ashamed and hate myself so much.

I don’t think the bloating will ever stop. It just keeps getting worse. I even feel bloated when I drink but am not able to restrict fluid because I am so thirsty all of the time. I don’t think even I am stupid enough to add dehydration to my current problems anyway.

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I want to be healthy one day and strong and eventually go for my walk in the hills with lisa and you and piglet and smile and laugh at how far we have all come!! So many issues, driving alone, walking up hills and even for me the cream tea is a bit of a challenge!! (don't panic you can just have the strawberries lol!!!). I want to feel well one day and enjoy life (before i really AM too old lol!) and I know you do too, which is why you keep fighting with it !</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Yes, I too would like to be able to do those things (except the cream tea!) and have other goals I would like to achieve. I would like to get well enough to meet K and have our planned lunch but it looks impossible to me right now. Getting through the next day is too much of a challenge.

I hope you’re not feeling more anxious and have slept well. I would go to bed and try to sleep if I could stop rushing to the toilet long enough.

Hannah: Thanks for your reply. I have tried to go cold turkey with the laxatives but that didn’t work either. I’m only suffering so much tonight because I have essentially taken two overdoses of laxatives in the past 24 hours. The first lot I took last night was part of my planned reduction programme, but then I panicked this afternoon and took another lot. So it’s my own stupid fault that I feel so ill tonight.

Regarding Annie, I don’t think I will ever find her less intimidating and, for once, it isn’t only me. Other patients have said they feel a bit like this with her too. I can usually tell who I will feel comfortable with, or not, as the case may be. I know I won’t feel able to fully confide in her because I am basically scared of her.

Sue: Good to hear from you. Thanks for the information regarding your sister and what the doctor said. Was she using a lot? Did she get off them? It seems that I’ll never be able to get off them now.

Figs are fairly high calorie compared with other fruits and I don’t think I would be able to eat them. I know I am my own worst enemy.

I feel so ill tonight and have been running to the toilet for hours now. The stomach cramps are horrendous and I felt like I was going to pass out at one point but that’s passed now. I haven’t been able to eat obviously and in some ways, well all ways really, this makes me feel good that I haven’t consumed any calories. Tomorrow is the weigh-in and I am so scared I have gained weight again. I can’t carry on like this.



Karen



Nothing tastes as good as thin feels

[Piglet]

Well that sounds completely horrible:(

How do you feel this morning now?????

Piglet xxx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[feege]

oh karen

((((hug))))

You poor thing.... I do hope it feels a little better today. It's all such hard work for you.

I hope today goes ok hon

xxxxxxxxxxxx

fee
xx

[Quirky]

Hi Karen,

How are you feeling now? The stomach problems you're having sound horrible, big (((hug))) for you.
I hope the clinic goes well today, thinking of you.

Lisa x

[Karen]

Hi Guys

Well at least the diarrhoea has stopped and I did finally get a few hours sleep, not without the aid of sleeping pills though.

My tummy is a bit better than yesterday but is sore after going through all of that. I know I can't complain because I did it to myself. I'm still very tired and want to go back to sleep but then I won't make it to the clinic if I sleep again now.

Had to drag myself to bed to have a bath and wash my hair. I still couldn't be bothered really but then I couldn't turn up to the clinic in the state I was in before. I feel ashamed enough admitting it on here that I haven't been caring for myself and don't want them to know how much of a struggle life is for me.

I am dreading being weighed today and so apart from not wanting to eat anyway, as I want to lose weight, I definitely cannot eat before being weighed. I dread seeing further weight gain.

Last night when I was feeling so dreadfully ill and contemplating the end - I really do not want to experience another day of this tormet - I decided that I have to find a way of avoiding these binges. I'm not sure how yet. If I must eat then I need to find lower calorie alternatives so I don't feel so guilty or out of control.

The only way I can cut down on calories and still eat seems to me to stick with vegetables (excluding potatoes). Not a very interesting diet but I can eat more of these at regular intervals and hopefully still lose weight.

I can't see any other way of doing it.

Need to face the supermarket [:O] before going to the cinic today, which I'm dreading because I keep experiencing panic attacks in supermarkets.

I also need to buy a child's doll for one of K's suggestions - don't ask lol [:I][8)].

I'm feeling extremely worried about the meal tonight too. After being served pizza and chips last week I have no idea what will be on the menu tonight. I suppose I need to be able to speak up for myself and say that I can't eat this kind of food but I get too scared that I will get into trouble.

Karen



Nothing tastes as good as thin feels

[Quirky]

Hi Karen,

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better this morning. it sounds very sensible to try and stop the binges, could you ask for advice about that at the clinic and maybe mention the laxatives aswell? Or at the docs on Friday?
Well done for managing the bath and hair wash, I hope that's made you feel better too.
Good luck at the clinic today, I hope the meals are more appetising. Maybe you could ask why they are feeding the food they are if you're given chips etc again. It's not unreasonable to ask if there's a reason as part of the treatment, they won't be cross.
Will be thinking of you this afternoon.

Lisa x

[Karen]

Hi Lisa

All I want to do is go back to sleep really but I know I have to go to the clinic this afternoon.

I don't think the meals are anything to do with a treatment programme but dictacted by what is left in their freezer. I'm not sure I can eat anything today anyway because my tummy is still very sensitive.

Oh well, best find something to wear and then make a move. Roll on 7pm when I can come home again...

Karen x

[Quirky]

Hi Karen,

You'll be at the clinic by now. Just saying that I'm thinking about you.
Look forward to hearing about how you got on later.

Lisa x

[clickaway]

Hi Karen,

I'm glad you made the effort to smarten yourself up and go along this afternoon.

I know from my own experience how much better I feel once I've had a bath and washed my hair. And several months ago I let myself go, feeling afriad of the bath and neglecting to wash my hair as 'why bother?'

So you see you are not alone there, and its good to admit that.

Taking care of yourself is just a small step towards loving yourself, but we chatted about this the other day and I know its a very big hurdle.

I hope you have had a more positive afternoon today, and am looking forward to your report.

Be Strong,

Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[tammyg]

Hi Karen,

Just wanted to say I hope it went ok this afternoon at the clinic. Looking forward to hearing how you got on.



Tammy x