[V]...I haven't been out of the house in over 12 month's and getting someone to listen and help is worse than the illness itself.
Back to the beginning..at 12 my stepfather was convicted of abuse and sentensed to 6 month's in prison.He served 3.
It was me that told on him,I told a friend who told her aunt who told my nan.I came home from school to find all the family in the room.
After I was questioned I was sent to my room,then to my nan's and it has never been spoke of since,my sister was the one who gave the statement etc.
I stayed with my nan for a couple of weeks then we moved in to a council house,then he was released and came home.......
Everything changed we had to be clothed at all times if we were going in the bath we had to take everything in that you would need,I suppose that is one of the reasons I'm so organised now.
Life was awful he hated me and you could see it,I spent a lot of time at my nan's she loved me just the way I was.
We moved again as life was hard for mum,they bought a house and this was our new life.....I remember loving school and friends but hated the last school bell,the sexual abuse had stopped but the hate grew stronger and more fierce,everything was my fault and I had no where to run or hide.
At 14 I was babysitting for mums friend,I had to go to the shop there was a short cut behind the house down a gravel path.On my was back I saw a lad from our year he was with a younger lad he had no trousers on......the lad from our year held me down while the other had his fun,he had a pot on his arm and in the struggle hit me in the face.To this day my mum never knew and what is worse is I could see her in the kitchen,she never asked about my face as she was used to seeing me with bruises.
At the age of 15 he went too far and I ran....I moved in with a friend and her mum and dad.
At the age of 16 met a boy and moved in with him,got married at 21,had twins (1 boy/1 girl) at 22,he was a dream come true I don't know if I ever truely loved him but he was like my best friend.
Well until he had an accident at work and lost most of his right hand then it all went wrong again he was angry all the time,I was working full time and the twins were nearly 3.I had applied for a house and one had come up.I loved my life my own home and my only goal to give my kids the best start I possibly could.Their dad last saw them at their 3rd birthday.They are 10 now.
My family had limited visits all on my say so,but still they made me feel bad little comments or opinions.
At 26 I met the man I'm with now together we have a son aged 5,he took on my two as his own.
We have had our troubles at 26 week pregnant he walked out saying he was not ready,I was devistated.He came visiting after I had had the baby.Soon we were back together,but was it just for the baby he wanted me.....
He left several more times I always begged him to come back and he always did.Until the last time when I said okay I deserve better.
I never called and ignored his calls,he now says before he knew I would take him but suddenly it hit him I'm loosing everything.
All was great until my daughter went into early puberty and suddenly I saw my stepfather as a threat before I had not wanted to upset my mum as we were getting on great.He must have sensed something was wrong,eventually after a massive arguement where they called me some awful things they stormed out have not seen them in months,the kids got a card at christmas,my daughter threw hers in the bin and said "if you haven't got one I don't want one".
My sister has had a baby I've never seen,I had to change my email address as she kept sending me nasty mail telling me what she thought of me.
Gradually I stopped going for the kids from school,and now stopped going anywhere at all.My partner does evrything outside the house.
I spend my days cleaning and organising the house.I don't go out as I don't like people if my family don't want me why would anyone else.
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