Thought this would be the best place to start on here.. so hello everyone, I'm Laura!
I'm 24 years old and was only about 15 when I was first put on anti-depressants. It was just after my nan and grandad had died and my family pretty much fell apart, as well as my mum also becoming severely depressed from it. My time at school was far from good (bullying etc) which didn't help matters either.
As long as I can remember i've been a very shy, insecure and anxious person, so I presume it's just part of my personality. I've never been one to feel comfortable with mixing with new people and have always tried to avoid these situations as much as possible. I would even take days off school when it came to doing presentations as the thought of that used to and still fills me with an overwhelming sense of fear.
I've been on and off the anti-depressants since I was 15.. have been on various medications such as citalopram and fluoxetine, which did help at the time but as soon as I felt I was feeling better I would come off of them and then a few months later would either start feeling very down or extremely anxious again. I have been referred to a CBT and other councelling sessions a few times in the past, but because of my shyness I never felt confident or comfortable enough to go to these.
When I was 20, I started getting panic attacks and felt like I couldn't cope. I actually felt like I was going crazy.. nothing felt real and all I could feel was just this panic and anxiety overtaking everything. I couldn't leave the house or be alone and this is when I went back to the doctors. I had felt depressed before, but never had this much anxiety. I was put on fluoxetine and refered to a CBT but I was put on a waiting list and by the time they got in contact with me (a month or so down the line) I felt a bit better and decided not to go.
I joined this website today, as I am now going through a period of the same anxiety I felt when I was 20. I can't be alone and I dread going to sleep as I know that when I wake up the panic and anxiety will be so overwhelming that I fear that I won't be able to cope with it and it's getting me very down. I feel hopeless and like i'm just going to have to go through life trying to deal with these feelings everyday and not enjoying anything, as all i'll be doing is trying to get from one day to the next trying to fight against this panic continuously. I went back to the doctors yesterday and was put on propranolol and have once again been refered to a CBT. I'm going back in a weeks time to see how i'm doing with the propranolol and the dr suggested that she may put me back on fluoxetine then as well. This time I'm going to definitely follow through with the CBT, as I feel like it's really the only option left that may be able to help me long term. I just have to try get past my insecurities and shyness to force myself to do this.
I'm just so sick and tired of the smallest things setting off my anxiety and depression so easily. I can't seem to cope with things like normal people do; things that people just manage to brush off and carry on as normal with. There are a couple of things that I don't consider too small that probably set it off this time, such as my mum being diagnosed recently with pneumonia and relationship problems with my boyfriend. But I feel i'd be able to cope with these things a bit easier if there wasn't just so much panic surrounding everything and taking over my brain!
That was a lot longer introduction than I expected to write so i'll stop there for now! I'll be suprised if anyone manages to sit and read through all of that anyway lol. Thank you to anyone who does!
Hoping this site will be able to help me a bit, knowing that i'm not alone and there are others out there with the same or similar issues.
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Thanks for taking the time to read my post!
