Dear Diary - I'm no longer sitting on the fence!

[YvonneBelle]

Well, today is day two.

Yesterday I decided that I needed to at least give the Cit (as it seems to be commonly referred to) a try.

So I took 20mg yesterday lunchtime.

An hour later I felt sick... my stomach knotted and I thought uh oh. I hate being sick. I also had this horrible medicinal taste in my mouth (similar to the taste you get when you've just been hit with a general anaesthetic). And my mouth felt like cotton wool. And I felt wierd.

I had some herbal tea & honey and felt slightly less queazy.

As the hours wore on I became increasingly dopey.

Spent the whole evening on the sofa and watched Channel 4 right through until midnight.

Went to bed and lay there until 3am before finally dropping off to sleep.

Woke at around 8am this morning feeling kind of hazy but not too bad.

Decided that my body took too much of a hit yesterday, so today I took half a tablet (10mg) at 11am instead of a whole tablet at 1pm like I did yesterday. (I figured that I'd start off gently like others have done here and took it slightly earlier in the day in the hope that I get to sleep better tonight.) I'll tell the doc what I've done tomorrow.

Overall, the experience wasn't as bad as I feared but still pretty scary. I did start to panic a bit when I first started to feel sick but felt a bit easier again when it passed and the sedative effect started to kick in.

I'll see how today goes with 10mg and will post back later.

Have a good day everyone.

[Raindog]

Hi Yvonne,
I would suggest taking your Cit just before you eat, breakfast or dinner preferably, as taking it on an empty stomach can result in you feeling pretty queazy, I've done it myself. If you down the tablet before eating you shouldn't feel like that.

Don't put too much stock in all the negative things you read, reading about side effects and the like probably contributes to half those who read other's experiences convincing themselves that they are getting them too and that can end up with you feeling more anxious.

Hopefully you'll find that the 10mg dose will be much gentler on your system and give your body time to get used to it without too much stress. At least you've made a decision. now let's see how things go. Any support you need from us just ask Yvonne

Better days.

Shaun

[Jem21]

Hi Yvonne, well done on starting the cit, I am also starting tomorrow on 10mg - I've been on it before and it worked fantastic for me both times but i made the mistake of coming off after 6 weeks last time as i felt so much better but i won't be doing that again. I had different side efects both times i took it and they were fairly severe the second time, but i know how well cit has worked for me before so am more than prepared to put up with them in the first few weeks. BUT the important thing to remember is that they DO pass and everyone is different. I agree with Shaun about reading negative things, most of us never post how great we're feeling, we just post when we're feeing bad and need to vent, so stick with it and i'm sure we'll all get there in the end.

Jemma.

[YvonneBelle]

Hi Yvonne,
I would suggest taking your Cit just before you eat, breakfast or dinner preferably, as taking it on an empty stomach can result in you feeling pretty queazy, I've done it myself. If you down the tablet before eating you shouldn't feel like that.

I did Shaun, although I took the tablet just after I ate lunch. Saying that, perhaps fried mushrooms on toast wasn't a good choice for lunch on my first day of Cit!

Don't put too much stock in all the negative things you read, reading about side effects and the like probably contributes to half those who read other's experiences convincing themselves that they are getting them too and that can end up with you feeling more anxious.

Good point and I tried not to, but OOF! I really felt those drugs hit my system at about about 4pm. I had a few waves of nausea and the back of my neck felt slightly stiff too. But by the time I was chilled out on the sofa much later, I felt okay and quite relaxed.

Hopefully you'll find that the 10mg dose will be much gentler on your system and give your body time to get used to it without too much stress. At least you've made a decision. now let's see how things go. Any support you need from us just ask Yvonne

Thanks so much Shaun. I'm finding this place to be really helpful and the people here really supportive. It's great! Not sure what I would have done without you guys these past few days.

I'm glad I've made the decision to give it a try. After a slightly shaky start I feel so much better today. In fact, cutting the dose in half was probably the best idea. Aside from a couple of minor waves of nausea I've felt good all day, in fact the best I've felt for weeks. I'll be reporting this back to my doc tomorrow, she what she advises.

[YvonneBelle]

Hi Yvonne, well done on starting the cit, I am also starting tomorrow on 10mg - I've been on it before and it worked fantastic for me both times but i made the mistake of coming off after 6 weeks last time as i felt so much better but i won't be doing that again.

Hi Jem,

Thanks for saying that because I feel better already and could imagine myself doing just that... thinking 'oh I'm okay now' and then trying to come off maybe too soon. My doc is great though and will probably let me know when she feels it's time for me to start coming off them.

I had different side efects both times i took it and they were fairly severe the second time, but i know how well cit has worked for me before so am more than prepared to put up with them in the first few weeks.

That's encouraging. Less scary too when you know what to expect! I hope you get on okay with round 3!

BUT the important thing to remember is that they DO pass and everyone is different. I agree with Shaun about reading negative things, most of us never post how great we're feeling, we just post when we're feeing bad and need to vent, so stick with it and i'm sure we'll all get there in the end.

Yes, I will stick with it because having sat on the fence for a week, I made the commitment to give them a try. (Although I will admit that yesterday afternoon I thought 'I Don't Like It!' and felt sure I wasn't going to be taking any more). But this morning I thought well okay, I didn't get to sleep very well, but I survived day one.

[Oddfish]

Hello Yvonne,
I am glad you are finding the site useful. Reading through people's posts here really is a great source of help and support. The first time I started on citalopram I didn't look up anything on the internet and I honestly thought I was dying. This time round has been much better as I've been able to look up other people's side effects and posting to threads has helped me my through the rough days.

Good luck! x

[YvonneBelle]

Hi trickyvee,

Yes, thank goodness for the internet! I read through the leaflet that the doc handed me and thought okaaay.... um, is this wise?

But then you think well, the drug companies have to cover themselves a bit... and the doc wouldn't prescribe them if they didn't think they would help you.

And then if you are like me (a research head) you go digging around for info on the stuff and come upon a site like this and at first you think woahhhh, what am I letting myself in for?! (Even though PsychoPoet's more reassuring post was the first one I read) but I still thought OMG someone has actually written a whole survival guide on this stuff!

But then you realise that everyone is different and there is bound to be differences in symptoms and stories and if you can add yours and help someone else out while trying to help yourself then it's all good.

Best of luck this time round!

[YvonneBelle]

Day 3

Couldn't get to sleep very well last night either. Went to bed at midnight and it took until around 2am to get to sleep. I then woke briefly at about 8am but didn't actually surface until 10am. I've noticed that waking several times in the night has stopped since starting Cit. I used to wake early at 2, 4 or 6am (have just realised, two hour blocks from midnight) so even though it's taking longer to get to sleep, when I do, I seem to have a better sleep and wake later.

Today, I took my tablet immediately before breakfast - a healthy bowl of cereal and banana. (I'm banana mad at the moment - perhaps it's the B vitamins?) I had no nausea all day and only a very slight headache. But then again, I only took another 10mg.

On this point, I saw my doc today and explained about cutting my dose. She was okay about it but wants me to go back up to 20mg asap. She explained that 20mg is the minimum 'therapeutic' dose she would recommend and that 10mg isn't really doing anything but getting my system used to it slowly. She reckoned I might even go to 30 or 40mg in time and that I could realistically be on these meds for six months or more before slowly coming off again. Such is the commitment to the course.

Other than that, it's been a beautiful day and I've got a friend coming over tomorrow with her 6 months old baby boy. We're going to take a walk with the buggy and go out for coffee. I've known this friend all my life so there's no airs and graces needed. We've seen each other warts and all over the years.

Hope everyone's had a good day today.

[Raindog]

Hi Yvonne,
Give yourself a few more days to a week before you go back to the 20mg dose, by then you shouldn't have too much of a problem and feel more comfortable with the few side effects you may get. 20mg seems to work for most people, some get the best out of higher doses but don't worry about that, chances are you'll get what you need from the 20mg dose.

I will let you know now that even when the Cit does start making you feel more levelled out like it did with me, there is still the chance of dips, like the one I'm going through this past week. They aren't anything to be too worried about, they are just the anxiety trying to push back when you start taking steps to get back to doing things that have made you anxious previously. I'm feeling a bit tense and down but it's nothing like the desperation that I had before the Cit kicked in and I can deal with it much more objectively, seeing it as part of the process. This may happen as you start to feel more ready to take on the world and start to push yourself a bit more, so be ready if that happens, it doesn't mean you've taken a step back, really it's more like a step forward, you've reached a new level where you have to deal with the anxiety for a short while, but the Cit is there to make it less of a problem, more of an inconvenience than anything.

There will be some of us around should that happen, but if it does, it shows you're making progress and haven't stayed still, your anxiety is making a new attempt to keep a hold on you as you get back to living your life. Look at it objectively and keep on going.

Better days Yvonne and everyone else

Shaun

[YvonneBelle]

Hi Yvonne,
Give yourself a few more days to a week before you go back to the 20mg dose, by then you shouldn't have too much of a problem and feel more comfortable with the few side effects you may get. 20mg seems to work for most people, some get the best out of higher doses but don't worry about that, chances are you'll get what you need from the 20mg dose.

Hi Shaun,

I also think I'll get the most out of 20mg, based on the fact that I feel so much better even on 10mg. Something happened tonight that would have really upset me last week, but tonight I was bothered, but not that bothered. So on that basis alone, I know that progress is being made!

I will let you know now that even when the Cit does start making you feel more levelled out like it did with me, there is still the chance of dips, like the one I'm going through this past week.

Thanks for the heads up - and sorry to hear you've been below par this past week.

I'm feeling a bit tense and down but it's nothing like the desperation that I had before the Cit kicked in and I can deal with it much more objectively, seeing it as part of the process.

That's great. A little self-awareness goes a long way I find.

Cit is there to make it less of a problem, more of an inconvenience than anything.

Yup - I can see how that might work. I've recently had a tendency to get things out of proportion, so once the cit settles into my system properly I hope to regain that level-headedness that was once there, but seemed to go out of the window recently!

There will be some of us around should that happen, but if it does, it shows you're making progress and haven't stayed still, your anxiety is making a new attempt to keep a hold on you as you get back to living your life. Look at it objectively and keep on going.

Thanks. In my case depression has led to anxiety, rather than the other way round. As a general rule, I don't suffer very much with anxiety. But when I get low... and start to feel depressed, that's when the sweaty palms show up.

One thing I've noticed lately (might be an anxiety thing) but I keep having a 'normal' thought which then turns into a horror story. Like I have a particularly sharp vegetable knife that I keep in a kitchen drawer and I keep worrying about innocently peeling veg or something and then slipping and poking myself in the eye with it. It's only a flash.... but it makes me wince. I should add that this has happened before at odd times when I've been doing something 'normal' but a disaster film has played itself out in my mind in a Stephen King kind of way.... like imagining yourself falling during a graduation ceremony or getting caught in the escalators.... it's like a 'what if' thing your brain does in case something does happen I suppose. I've just noticed it a bit more lately. I know it's harmless but I think this sort of thing happens when I'm feeling more anxious than usual.