HIV OCD??

[bebe1005]

Hi Everyone!
I would appreciate any advice that you guys can give me…here’s my situation:

I am a 21 year old female and for the last 4 years of my life I have been convinced that I contracted HIV. I thought I got it from numerous partners, bathrooms, razors, etc. I always somehow convinced myself that I was not at risk and was able to forget about it for periods of time and live normally.

However, in recent weeks my stress levels have been up due to work and I have been having panic attacks frequently. Along with these panic attacks came the thought that I could possibly have HIV. The thoughts consumed me for about 3 weeks until I finally broke down and got tested last week.

That was the first time I have ever been tested in my entire life, until then I have always been too scared. I thought a negative result would satisfy me, however I insisted that my partner also be tested.

My partner and I have been in a monogamous relationship for 9 months and the last time either of us was sexually active with another person was around 11 months ago. Both of our test results were negative, we had rapid blood tests.

My questions:
1. Does this mean that we do not have HIV?
2. Since neither of us has been with anyone else in almost a year and both of our tests are negative, does that mean I can finally stop worrying about this?
3. Or does it sound like I possibly have OCD?

Thanks!!

[joyce1980]

I have always thought that heath anxiety and ocd are relates BUT I feel you should go and see someone and nip this worry in the bud STRAIGHT away because it can develop into other silly worries and this can really make life frustrating

I would say that pretty much everyone on this site has worried about having hiv/aids I know I have OMG it's the worst mate!

Your test is negative and therefore you DO NOT have aids/hiv
Also they DO NOT make mistakes in the tests okies. cos I have been down that road

Please see your Dr or Psychiatrist so they can put you on the road to recovery and stopping this form of worry asap,

Sound like u have a mild form right now. All the best honey

[verity]

Hi Hun, your test was negative and so was your partners so please dont worry anymore.

I think it would be a really good idea to get sum cbt for this worry as that will teach you to change your thinking and to focus your thoughts more rationally.

xxxxxxx

[joannap]

i cannot understand why you would still think there may be a possibilty you have hiv when the test was negative?! sounds like ocd in overdrive lol - i think cbt is the way forward because once we stop worrying about one thing - we tend to then find something else!

[gracesophia]

Hi, I really sympathise with you as I have the same obsessive thoughts. I always had health anxiety but since I came out of a long-term relationship and started having casual sexual experiences I have really latched onto STIs and particularly HIV as a concern. The absolute longest incubation period for HIV is 6 months (and most doctors say 3) so you are definitely negative. I think it's just that once you have started worrying about it, it seems so overwhelming that you can't undo that terrified feeling, and then the vicious circle starts again ...

We really just have to believe that we are ok, and not get repeat tests and not google! And yes, I think it is an OCD thing - it is to do with a fear of contamination and there are similar rituals of reassurance seeking.

[bebe1005]

Hi Everyone! Sorry I never responded after my original post. Sometimes I think it’s easier to stay off forums because they remind me of my problems.

So after my first HIV test was done I still had some issues with accepting the result. I was ok for most of the summer and for about 3 weeks I thought about it very minimally. One day the thought popped into my head again and I decided to go to a website that has a lot of people that are very knowledgeable about HIV. I used to go to this site a lot for reassurance, so I figured that’s what I would do. I came across a post (by a physician that specializes in HIV) that said that HIV rapid tests were only about 85% accurate. I freaked out. I went home and cried. I called my boyfriend and told him why I was upset. So I decided that both of us should go and get standard lab tests done at our county clinic.

I had to wait a week until we could be tested and another 16 (!) days until I would find out the results. So I battled horrible anxiety for 3 weeks waiting to find out if I had HIV. I wrote in a journal, I tried to relax and take my mind off of it. It was hard, I was so scared. I called and got the results and felt the euphoric feeling that I did not feel the first time I tested negative. I was so happy to be negative. I had convinced myself that I had it and was told I didn’t.

I promised myself before I got the results that I would change things in my life. Be nicer to people that I am close to, try harder at work, go out and get the things that I want. I DO want to do these things, but I still have lingering doubts about my test results. I fear that I was somehow given someone else’s test results. When I called for the results I know that the woman read the results from my file, I’m just worried that they somehow put someone else’s results in my file. Or mixed the results up somehow and I really am positive.

I have never been diagnosed with having OCD, but I strongly believe that I do have it. I doubt everything. This, my relationship, everything! I have self esteem issues, I’m afraid to go after what I want.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

[Hazel B]

This is health anxiety, look at the information on the left hand side of the screen under "Health Worries" it may help. You need to have a rational perspective on this, one of the previous posters is right, you need help or it will escalate. I know from experience, I am not trying to be patronising.
One of the worst things to do is search online, I used to do this for hours and my brain got overloaded with information, most of it crap.
Please tell your doctor about your worries, it is nothing to be ashamed of, they must hear things like this every day, mine did for 3 weeks from me!
Please seek help and stop the cycle of worry that has started, it's not your fault.

[bebe1005]

Hi Hazel

I have read the section on health anxiety awhile ago, maybe I will try reading it again. It is a very helpful section, it did make me feel better before.

I’m just so worried that there was some type of lab error or the clinic accidentally gave me someone else’s results my mistake…I just want to get over this.

I have been unsuccessful in finding a therapist. I am really intent on finding one that specializes in OCD, however my insurance sucks and doesn’t cover any of the ones that specialize in it. I tried going to a psychiatrist, but only went one time and never went back. I’m not into the idea of taking medication.

I just want this to all be over. I thought it would be after I got the second negative test result and it’s not

[Hazel B]

My heart goes out to you and I send a big hug.
Please do read that section on health worries again, I have now decided to think that my toes are going to get very hairy and then fall off!! Sounds BONKERS but it's distracting me from other concerns deep inside me and it also makes me laugh. It also helps me put things in perspective. I'm not being trivial, just honest.

Errors in the pathology lab must be very rare, you have 2 negative results - logic tells you that a mistake would not happen twice. Please try to accept that your body is well and your mind just needs time to accept this.

Could you find another therapist through your doctor/work support/friends and family? It really would help you to talk to someone who is trained and can help. You deserve to find peace and I am sure you will.

[lecb]

Do not worry hon! Please don't! You don't have HIV, your test was negative. I know sometimes it is hard to believe, but you have to trust me.

My mum and I joke all the time about all of the diseases we've had (we both have anxiety/ocd):

AIDS
a virus attacking heart
brain tumour
CJD (my personal favourite)
heart disease
bowel cancer

etc

The funny thing is that i have Lyme disease and have been quite seriously ill with it. None of things i have been through have ever been as bad as actually "believing" i had these conditions! Even when i was close to death i didn't feel as bad as i did when i thought i had those.

It's just your mind warping things. You're not alone, but you ARE fine. I promise. X