Support understand wanted...anxiety sufferer signed off work

[supersezza]

Hi all, I sufffered from a huge burst of anxiety/depression at 19-22 which coincided with a first relationship...it came as a bolt out of the blue...i'd been
fine before that. Anyways long story short it took me a long time to get over but when I did I was away again, socialising, 3 promotions in 3 years at work, moved back out of home...the lot!

Got to October last year and someone from my work started pursuing me quite intently...being that bit older and wiser now, 25 and also having no boyfriend since the last one I thought what the heck let's goes for it! Almost immediately the stress started, Christmas day I could tell I wasn't right, he visited over christmas and when he left I cried, more out of relief that I'd got through it
I think...anyway I ploughed on till march but by then my thoughts about it were all consuming...made the break and felt relieved for about a week...then the thoughts started again, then the tears and panic mostly around why couldn't I cope with it then just very beating myself up thoughts I guess. I saw an NLP therapist all the way through this who kept urging me to keep going...so I did, my anxiety was sooooo high though all the time. Went to the doctors last week, prescribed citalopram 10mg n signed off for 3 weeks. So
I'm now back with my parents feeling the same as
last time. I want to stay in bed as much as possible, don't want to go outside, don't really want to talk to people, def don't want to go back to work as I think people will look at me differently now.

My anxiety is high all the time i'd say 8-10. Thoughts r ever present..in short it's not great and I'm very frightened off what will happen next. I also worry greatly about how I will ever form a decent relatiionship as they r def the trigger...the daft thing is both guys this has happened with I didn't like that much!

Any thoughts or just encouragement greatly appreciated,you all seem like a lovely bunch x

Sarah

[YvonneBelle]

Hi Sarah,

I can totally relate to that. I'm older (43) and have had lots of highs and lows during my career and am currently signed off sick with depression - and this is a new job! So like you, don't want to go back because I know I'll be viewed differently. My case is probably a little bit different because I'm also at a career crossroads. The signs have been there for years that the type of work I do just doesn't suit my interests or personality. After a time, that wears you down.

Added to this, things have not gone well romantically either, so I can empathise with relationships being some sort of trigger to anxiety and depression.

I displayed all the same symptoms, wanting to sleep all the time and just totally withdrawing, not able to cope with even the simplest of things. Tired all the time, tearful and just blaaahhhh! It's horrible.

The citalopram is really helping I have to say though. I'm feeling much more on a level now (although not out of the woods yet) and have started to see things a little more objectively.

Work relationships are often difficult but they do sometimes work. The danger is when they don't - especially in offices. I really fell for someone at work many years ago and although nothing happened, I have never really got over it or had any relationships since. It's wierd. Almost as if nobody else matches up in a way, but of course nobody is perfect and I now realise that I should have moved on from those feelings a long time ago.

It's hard to say exactly what triggers a depression and sometimes a number of things stack up - or something from the past isn't yet resolved. That's where I think talking therapies can help, such as counselling. I'm going through that myself right now and I think it will weed a few things out of my system that have been hanging around for far too long now.

Best of luck with this! It's not easy I know but there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Hope you start to feel better soon,

Yvonne

[supersezza]

Thanks Yvonne...I think that's why i scare myself sometimes, i don't want my life to be a serious of peaks and troughs...otherwise i'll build up, then lose it all, build up lose it all...pretty demotivating cycle really!

Maybe it is a confidence thing and we dont take the steps to getting what we want? therefore end up anxious and upset?

that's good about the citalopram...sometimes i feel really upset and i dont cry but that's the thing i have noticed so far after only 4 days i guess.

the daft thing is i only got with this guy coz i knew he was leaving our work and moving away...playing it safe...ha ha i have to laugh as it didn't work...what was meant to be a bit of harmless 'practise' turned into a 6 month relationship which ended up pretty intense! probably another area i need to look at...not sure why i didn't press 'delete' sooner. i think it's coz i doubt myself and my feelings and actually the guy turned out to be quite nice to me.

my mum is dragging me out in a bit for a walk...blah..i just want to stay in my room and watch videos (old school i know) i feel sorry for her, must be like having a big baby in the house!

i'm just terrible at drawing a line under things though...we spilt in march and i've gradually slipped since then...my mum is constantly trying to get me to see the light in work etc but it's very hard to do.

just feel like i'm constantly in my head and wide eyed with fear...

thank you for the reply though...i will do my best to help others on here too...

[supersezza]

well i went out today for about 4 hours which is good for me at the moment! went to my house share and picked up a few more things to take home, also went to the hairdressers, pub and sat in a field for a bit...all ok!

makes me think i needed the time off just to literally calm down a bit.

i guess my problem now is moving past it all.

unfortunately the guy that triggered this bout used to work with me so i have to see his name like all the time and also we've got joint friends etc.

also everytime i try and push past it i have the 'what if' symdrome, the kinda how can u move past this knowing that every relationship you've been in has resulted in complete emotional failure...how can u be confident and happy knowing that?

i really do struggle!

i have to hold onto the fact today though that i do feel better for getting out, otherwise i just lie on my bed all tense and what to get up really late and bed really early...basically trying to reduce the day down to nothing.

so i guess my discussion would be how to you move forward knowing a big weakness about yourself which knocks you? it's not as easier as sucking it up, it really brings me down as i feel a bit of a relationship/cool person leper! i just want to be comfortable in my own skin!

thanks in advance,

Sarah

[daydreamer]

Hi Sarah,

sorry to hear about your anxiety/dep, sounds like your going through it at the moment. Ive had a relapse of my anxiety since the beginning of this yr also, although not due to relationship problems. I know when it happened again to me I felt like a failure, a big failure for letting it get to me again, maybe thats how your feeling a little bit? I think sometimes we can be hard on ourselves, too hard, that only adds to our stress. I spent so long trying not to be a failure and to be perfect that I caused myself so much stress it brough me down again.

I think the only way, or so I have been told by my therapist!, is to work on self esteem. I know that my low self esteem (that Ive had since for as long as I can remember, lol) causes me to think I am a failure every time something goes wrong, which is not always the case, its just my dysfunctional thinking!

Start focussing the positives, easier said than done I know, but even if they are only small things. So for example, you went out today for 4hrs, give yourself some credit for that! doing that when you feel bad is a challenge and you did it well. Maybe you could try buying a self help book on self esteem/anxiety.

[supersezza]

hi daydreamer,

thank you for your kind words.

yes i'm sure there is some of that mixed in with it and comparing myself so others and a bit of feeling annoyed/sorry at and for myself at the same time.

sometimes i think i can move forward but there's always something that pulls me back...either a thought or a feeling.

that's a good idea about the book...i guess we can always learn...sometimes it feels like this is hard wired though, like i would never have thought it possible how bad i can get sometimes....ah to float through life!

i have an outing planned tomorrow too though to see some scarecrows! it's an open garden thing, so i will put on a nice summery dress and put my best foot forward and try and forget about everything else!

it should be a lovely weekend : )

[daydreamer]

thats good to hear, hope you have a nice weekend x

[martin1976]

Hi Supersezza, I would try not to worry yourself about men/relationships too much, we're really not worth it!! lol. No, in all seriousness I think you will find it easier to concentrate on yourself and when self esteem grows and love and acceptance for yourself rises, then I am sure you will come across someone who can apprieciatte you more so than those past..
I used to look for solace in the arms of girls when I was younger which led to more confusion of dealing with someone elses emotions aswell, and I also regret my actions in terms of hurting them by leaving them with no explanation etc... (which I've since apologized for!!) because my mind weren't in the right place..
Anyways I hope you feel better soon
Best wishes
Martin

[supersezza]

hi - well the ups and downs of this time! i really didn't sleep at all, ended up turning on my light and reading at 7am lol! daft really!

so yes really not feeling very good today...but in good news, still went to the open gardens thing...in very posh village near us...how the other half live i tell you! and won my dad a bottle of port in a raffle...go me!

martin i think you are right...happiness shouldn't depend that much on external factors and it does to me sometimes...i place a high importance of doing well and right etc etc and perceive things as a failure even when heck if u dont like someone enough u r doing both of u a favour by stopping it really...but i think nit pick over everything.

but yes unless i love myself then i can't love others...i find all that kinda stuff hard to get my head round though.

self acceptance or acceptance of situations/feelings is hard...

what do people do except try and say to themselves i accept this? i find it hard as it makes me feel very down on myself and also anxious about facing the world?

thanks,
S

[martin1976]

Hi, I may say things that make sense but I can't always put them into practice!!
I do understand about self acceptance being difficult as i'm very uncomfortable within my own skin... Its hard to explain sometimes, its like I don't know myself so will always try to do the right things in order to over compensate for my lack of confidence. Does that make sense??
I think we spend so much time looking in at ourselves we lose focus on what most people take for granted..
Well done on winning the wine, I'm sure your dad will be pleased..
Anyhoo all the best
Martin