I'm having a right good old panic .....

[lilac kitten]

I don't know where its coming from.

Yesterday, I was doing Hook to Basingstoke on the M3 when from out of no where came panic and I had to pull over - I've not been like that in ages, in fact I was ready to do that run on my own.

And today I've got a colposcopy at the Hospital and I'm having the most bad anxiety attack worrying about being sick, fainting,and am really worried about just doing the drive to the Hospital. I've got to go alone as no one else is around they're all at work which is fair enough. And I need my partner to manage the kids.

What is wrong with me, I was doing soooo well. And it not like any of this is new to me. I've also got a very nervous stomach today - if you get what I mean!!

Wish me luck, I'll do my best, although I'm taking the back roads to the hospital and back I might be able to relax better if I'm not flustered with the traffic.

Oh bum I feel like a right failure I wish my body could be as strong as my head. Does that make sense. I know I'm being silly, but am still sitting here shaking.

Speak to you all later and I'll let you know how I got on.

Ruth

[Laurie28]

Ruth,

Anticipation is the worst isn't it!

Grab a good CD (one that yuo can really sing along to!) and GO FOR IT!!

You are not being silly it is the way you feel but YOU WILL BE FINE.

the anticiption of the drive and the procedure is enough to cause your nervous stomach etc.

Go for it Ruth and let us know how you get n when you get back!!

Take Care
Lucky

[diana]

Hiya Ruth,

Sorry to hear you are not doing well right this second, but you will be doing fine soon. All of the anxiety is certainly justified, I mean with the trip to the hospital and the procedure, even your most "NORMAL" folks would be anxious about that. Don`t beat yourself up over this small set back, we all get them. You are "NOT" a failure you are coping very well!!!!!!! . Good luck on the procedure and post to let us know how things are going for ya.

Take care,

Diana xxxx

[Meg]

Dear Ruth,

There is not even a whisper of failure here.

Just real issues that everyone would be nervous of .. compounding an existing issue which you're recovering from and a swe know that works by 3 steps forward and 1 back.

Congratulate yourself for your achievements nad don't be so hard on yourself for this one small bad moment.




Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[lilac kitten]

Just to update you....

everything went fine yesterday, although I had a major panic attack driving back and had to stop a number of times. Not sure if it was pure panic, but I'm still shaky today. Maybe I shouldn't have gone alone yesterday as I had a local and also treatment to remove the precancerous cells. Although they were very good about my panic attacks and were reluctant to let me go until I felt OK.

Then to add insult to injury, my boss phones this morning and asks if I can get to Wakefield for 11am next Tuesday. Well I cant drive it. So he suggests train and tube. Tube!! no way. And then theres the kids to think about. And well with the year I've had so far with my dad dying, the kids being ill since Christmas, me having flu, and yesterday - Wakefield is not something I really needed to think about.

I think I'm going to decline, I feel trapped in a small space with no room to move or time to think and relax.

I've booked Thursday and Friday off and am having my hair done Thrusday at Toni & Guy ( a little treat for me ) so maybe that'll make me feel a little better.

Thanks for all your support, its so nice people understand. I can be strong for others, but for myself I feel totally burt out.

Will keep you updated.

Ruth

[Juliet]

Ruth,
I saw the heading of your post and smiled as it was almost word for word what I was going to write!!
I completley understand how you feel.I too was doing great,but have come home form a course today that I have just started in floods of tears with a major panic attack.I practically ran out of the lecture and feel like a total prat now!!I havent had an attack for months and months although I have had anticipatory anxiety as you described.Im just so scared Im going back and feel overwhelemed again.

You sounded like you came through your blip ok though,despite feeling awful at the time.You should congratulate youself on being so brave.

Having your hair done is a great idea.Hope you enjoy it.

Keep us updated T

[Meg]

....and you too Juliet will get through yours fine too. It's normal to be overwhelmed when you start a new course that is a big deal in time and effort. You may be having concerns about how you're going to be able to get it all done.

Please do go back, you may find it helpful to go early and just sit in the room quietly before everyone arives or stay on and sit for a few minutes after its ended - just to prove that it's not the place but what was running through your head that caused this weeks upset. Can you identify whether it was work related or perhaps claustraphobia ?

Bottle of water with rescue remedy in wouldn't go amiss and maybe you might talk to the tutor about how you're doing. They are usually very understanding.




Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[diana]

Good for you Ruth, giving yourself a treat you certainly deserve it .

Well done on coping with the stress of the local and the procedure. You did GRAND!!!!!!!!!!! .

You have been through alot this year, like you said. So don`t feel to discouraged you are really coping exceptionally well. Keep posting to let us know how you are doing. Best wishes.

Take care,

Diana xxxx

[diana]

Juliet,

Try not to worry to much, you will get through this too.

Starting a new course is always stressful, so nothing abnormal with you being stressed out or worried about it. Just plain old "NORMAL" worrying.

Try to do as Meg suggested. It sounds like a plan. It should give you some reassurance.

You will do just fine, try to calm down and relax a bit. You will get through your blip to, with flying colors .

Take care,

Diana xxxx

[Juliet]

Thanks Diana and Meg too,
Nice to have some support.
Feel ok now really.Put things into perspective and at the end of the day,in the greater scheme of thngs it is not the end of the world.It just felt like a huge step back for me as I was doing so well.I think that having alot to think about and do lowers our reserves to cope,so until I go back next week I will just take some time to chill out.I will take all your tips on board too though.Thankyou and I will let you all know how I get on.

Hope you are all ok . T x